IKEA Wants You To Stop Masturbating In Their Stores

May 13, 2020 / Posted by:

The New York Post reports that IKEA has had to tighten up security. No they haven’t had a rash of break-ins or shoplifting recently. They had to up security because they want people to stop jacking off in their stores. I know the meatballs are good but DAMN.

So, a video recently made the rounds of a woman strolling around an IKEA in China in Tom Cruise Risky Business cosplay. She stops off in random places to touch her cooch for whoever is recording her. It seems to be shot pre-coronavirus. The footage was eventually scrubbed from Chinese social media but if you want to see the video, (NSFW) it’s here. You can also just search the word “IKEA” in PornHub. It’s a whole theme.

So IKEA caught wind of the in-store pussy-touching and chose to act. What would it do for sales if shoppers were at risk of suddenly seeing a woman doing herself on a chair? Well maybe it would boost sales in certain markets… but they can’t take the risk! IKEA gave a statement saying:

“We resolutely oppose and condemn this kind of behavior, and immediately reported it to the police in the city of the suspected store.”

They also said they will take “even more careful security and public cleanliness measures” and asked that customers “browse stores in an orderly and civilized way.” Well excuse her! Clearly this woman just needed to know if the Millberget swivel chair was a good desk chair for long work hours and masturbation. You gotta test the product! That’s the whole point of the showroom, isn’t it?!

But it’s just not fun, furniture, and fapping, the woman could actually get in trouble. In China, committing “deliberate public nudity” could get you up to 10 days of “administrative detention.” Also, uploading and disseminating obscene content online is punishable by up to 15 days in detention with a maximum fine of 3,000 yuan (just under $425). Back in 2015, five people were eventually arrested over a video of a couple having sex in a changing room in a Uniqlo in Beijing.

But seriously, the As-Is Section of IKEA just got a whole lot more questionable…

Pic: PornHub

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