Category: Parker Posey
Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For “The Staircase” Starring Toni Colette And Colin Firth
Last year, Mare of Easttown made Kate Winslet the undisputed dahhhling of the HBO Max season (though White Lotus’ Jennifer Coolidge was a close 2nd) but since it takes HBO a million years (or approximately 3 GOT dragon lifetimes) to crank out a new season of appointment television, there’s an opening for Toni Collette to nab the title this year. Variety reports that Toni will be starring opposite Colin Firth in The Staircase, a limited series based on the Netflix documentary of the same name. That is unless Nicole Kidman’s wig from The Undoing will be playing the possibly murderous owl, in which case, all bets are off. Nic is such a powerful performer, that even her leftover hairpieces masked in “bird face,” are put forward For Your Consideration. For those of you who haven’t seen the Netflix documentary and think I’ve totally lost my marbles, I’m referencing the “owl theory,” which I’ll explain later. Right after I’m done looking for my marbles. I know I put them somewhere…
Here’s The Trailer For Netflix’s “Original” Series “Lost In Space”
Netflix is out to ruin your childhood while simultaneously damaging future adults by trying to scare the bejeebus out of them as children with their super serious remake of Lost In Space. It’s a Netflix Original Series that looks like an expensive feature film and it also looks absolutely terrifying. While the general plot may be the same, Netflix has ditched the camp and embraced the FX for LIS 2018.
Open Post: Hosted By A Little S&M Goth On The Prairie
Kristen Stewart is smiling, and she’s probably smiling because she knows that the pile of WTF on her body is making you want to barf through your eyes, and your pain pleases her. It powers her dark orb of a heart. Meanwhile, as Kunty Karl laid sprawled out on a bed of his naked man slaves after sucking the blood out of them, he cackled into the air over the fact that Kristen Stewart actually wore that horrifying toilet baby of a Medieval Times and the wedding dress of a 70s cult bride. Kunty Karl was just joking when he told her to wear it! In case you mistook that logo below her crotch for the Airbnb logo, it’s actually the Chanel logo. So that monster came from the evil mind of Kunty Karl.
Last night was the NYC premiere of Woody Allen’s Cafe Society, and KStew showed up looking like an Emo toddler playing around in her mom’s dress, and yes, her mom is an Amish dominatrix. It’s as if Kunty Karl got his minions to sew together a dusty Gunne Sax dress from the Salvation Army and pieces from a really cheap Game of Thrones costume.
Putting Kristen Stewart in this dress has to be one of Kunty Karl’s greatest works of evil, and that’s saying a lot. I love him for it!
Here’s more of KStew looking like Fifty Shades of the Sherwood Forest as well pictures of Blake NotSoLively looking like 1960s Pregnant Barbie and Parker Posey showing them all up by giving us 1980s soap opera villainess.
It’s All About The Queso Teeth!
Thanks to trendsetter Lindsay Lohan, teeth covered in gum diarrhea are the must-have beauty staple amongst Hollywood’s most stunning beauties. At last night’s NYC premiere of We Bought A Zoo (which is also the exact line an E! executive said to their staff after they picked up Keeping Up with the Kuntrashians), ScarJo accessorized her dick cheese grill with fruit bowl hair, your nana’s favorite rhinestone holiday earrings and a dress that I swear I saw hanging out of a cardboard box in front of the Salvation Army near my apartment.
I have to thank ScarJo for breaking out of the bright white chiclets mold that society expects all of us to fit into. ScarJo is chewing through a ball of dick cheese to get to natural beauty and we should thank her for this. I mean, real people have nicotine smegma on their teefs. They don’t have blinding ass white cartoon teeth. Since carrot teeth are officially in, I can stop with the whitening toothpaste, the whitening mouthwash and those dark-sided Crest White Strips. Crest White Strips are a tool from Hell and I swear they’re made from the jizz of Satan. Whenever I pull those evil things off my teeth, it feels like I just nibbled on an aluminum foil asshole before getting squirted in the mouth with Clorox. But those days are behind us now that dirty butt teeth are so now!
Here’s more pictures from last night’s premiere including some of Matt Damon with his wife, Elle Fanning, some other childrens, Sylvia Miles and Parker Posey. On a different note, who the hell is going to see this shit?! Why would I watch ScarJo and Matt Damon fall in love in front of a bunch of animals who cannot maul those boring bitches since they’re trapped in cages? That’s torture.