Category: NFTs
Gwyneth Paltrow Is The Latest Celebrity To Be Shilling NFTs
This is bad news for anyone who nearly snapped the sternocleidomastoid in their neck from cringing too hard while watching Paris Hilton and Jimmy Fallon joylessly promote NTFs on The Tonight Show earlier this week. It gets even more embarrassing than that. Gwyneth Paltrow, someone who has made a career out of acting better than you, has sunk to the shockingly low level needed for a celebrity to hawk NFTs. That’s right, Gwyneth is promoting those dorky ape jpegs.
Paris Hilton And Jimmy Fallon Showed Off Their Sad Ape NFTs To Crickets On “The Tonight Show”
Everybody loves to complain that they don’t understand the appeal of owning an NFT and would like someone to explain it to them like they’re five until someone actually comes around and does just that and it still doesn’t make any sense. That’s what happened during a mind-numbingly sedate interview with Paris Hilton on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Even though 5-year-olds love clowns and girls in sparkly dresses, Jimmy Fallon and Paris were the wrong choices to extol the virtues of the virtual by showing off their own Bored Ape NFTs with all the enthusiasm of a couple of strangers trying to work out a Spot The Difference puzzle while waiting for the dentist. The segment left me with more questions than answers, the most urgent being “are they OK? Is there a carbon monoxide leak in the building?”
“90 Day Fiancé’s” Stephanie Matto Is Taking Her Fart Jars Digital After Gas Landed Her In The Hospital
Pivoting to video is so 2010, this decade it’s all about pivoting to crypto. Real entrepreneurs know this and I can’t think of anybody for whom entrepreneurial spirit and innovation courses through her very guts with as much force as 90 Day Fiancé alum Stephanie Matto. Stephanie has created a cottage cheese industry by bottling her farts and selling them to the deeply disturbed. However, The New York Post reports that Stephanie’s poots recently landed her in the ER and doctors told her that either she changes her diet, which was rich in protein, fiber, and sulfur, or she risks a lifetime of heartache and pain. Which is exactly what landed her there. She was so full of hot, angry air she thought she was having a heart attack. So what’s a self-proclaimed “fartrepreneuer” to do? Well invest your gaseous fortune into crypto-currency and start selling NFTs of farts in jars of course!
Eminem Buys A Bored Ape NFT For $425,000
Hypebeast says that the latest celebrity in the NFT game is Eminem. He’s new “owner” of a Bored Ape Yacht Club non-fungible-token and it only cost him a measly $425,000. Wow, I’m so glad that he has that much disposable income to use on a *check’s notes* picture of a monkey that isn’t physically his.
Lindsay Lohan Has Really Doggone And Done It This Time! She’s Pissed Off The Furries!
Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, you do not need this. I mean, Lindsay Lohan’s probably already dealing with non-stop calls from Scam Likely (that’s how Dina Lohan comes up on everyone’s phone) who is begging for commissary money for generic-brand Tang and hair bleach to keep up her beauty during her 18-day stint in the clink for her latest DWI. And now LiLo’s dodging flaming polyester hairballs of rage hocked at her by the furries who are pissed over her latest NFT. Yes, the furries are barking mad at LiLo over an NFT. It’s like 2007 and 2021 collided into a pile of Wait, What?!.
A New Amy Winehouse Biopic Was Just Announced, But Mitch Winehouse Says It’ll Never Happen
It’s been just over ten years since Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning at age 27. A fact that makes me feel equal parts old and sad. Earlier this week Halycon Studios announced that they’re working on a biopic about Amy, based on Daphne Barak’s 2010 book Saving Amy. Daphne spent six months filming and interviewing Amy in the last three years of her life. Daphne amassed over forty hours of footage, which she used to write her book. But after Halycon and Daphne made their biopic plans public, Amy’s dad, Mitch Winehouse, called up TMZ (he still has them on speed dial!) and told them there’s no way it’ll ever get made cuz it’s “100% not allowed.” Mitch says that Amy’s estate (he’s the administrator) has plans for their own biopic and they own all the rights. All of them! And they’re gonna be the ones to squeeze every penny outta honor Amy’s legacy!