“90 Day Fiancé’s” Stephanie Matto Is Taking Her Fart Jars Digital After Gas Landed Her In The Hospital
Pivoting to video is so 2010, this decade it’s all about pivoting to crypto. Real entrepreneurs know this and I can’t think of anybody for whom entrepreneurial spirit and innovation courses through her very guts with as much force as 90 Day Fiancé alum Stephanie Matto. Stephanie has created a cottage cheese industry by bottling her farts and selling them to the deeply disturbed. However, The New York Post reports that Stephanie’s poots recently landed her in the ER and doctors told her that either she changes her diet, which was rich in protein, fiber, and sulfur, or she risks a lifetime of heartache and pain. Which is exactly what landed her there. She was so full of hot, angry air she thought she was having a heart attack. So what’s a self-proclaimed “fartrepreneuer” to do? Well invest your gaseous fortune into crypto-currency and start selling NFTs of farts in jars of course!
Stephanie has reportedly made $200,000 in cold, hard fungible funds (what they used to call “money” back in the day) since she started selling her hot, wet non-fungible vapors. I’m assuming that amount is self-reported because I don’t see the NYP fact-checking the earnings reports of a dizzy broad who claims to have been rushed to the ER because she ate too many eggs. It’s all fun and profit until someone blows their colon out, so now Stephanie has turned her back on the natural gas industry, as should we all. NYP reports:
A reality TV star who launched a gassy venture peddling her fancy flatulence to strangers Stephanie Matto, 31, blew away people on social media when she recently announced that she makes more than $50,000 a week selling her farts.
Matto was rushed to a hospital with chest pains she feared were symptoms of a heart attack, according to the outlet.
After undergoing a battery of tests, including blood work and an EKG, Matto was told that her pain was the result of her steady diet of gas-inducing beans and eggs.
“I thought I was having a stroke and that these were my final moments,” Matto told Jam Press. “I was overdoing it.”
She was overdoing it before she sold her first fart but that’s neither here nor there. But her conveniently timed near-death experience means she is no longer burdened by the productivity of her bowels, so Stephanie has taken the next obvious step in her career. Pictures of farts in jars! Screenrant reports:
After being praised by several 90 Day Fiancé stars and fans, Stephanie has now decided to dip her toes into the now-popular NFT business. Her idea is to convert her most successful venture, “fart jar,” into digital artworks and sell them on the blockchain. Stephanie posted her stunning pictures on Instagram and wrote, “Today it is the official launch of my fart jar NFT’s!” The 90 Day Fiancé alum explained how her NFT collection is unique, iconic and useful. Stephanie said that 100 such NFT’s hold the power to “unlock a REAL physical jar.“
Here’s a sneak peek of what some poor digital archeologist will be writing their Ph.D. dissertation on 500 years in the future.
According to Stephanie’s website, proud googly eye fart jar collectors can earn real fart jars and gain access to other exciting offers such as dirty panties or a Zoom call with Stephanie herself presumably so they can see, first hand, how the butt sausage is made.
You win, Stephanie! I was ready to be disgusted and dismissive of this endeavor, but now I find myself slightly in awe of the sheer audacity of her grift. It’s a reminder to us all to never underestimate the depravity of the human soul or our ability to capitalize on it. If this lady can make a fortune selling fake farts in the little time we have left on this planet before we’re all rendered into NFTs, well then good for her.
Pic: Instagram