Category: Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey Has Decided Not To Run For Governor Of Texas At This Time
Welp, turns out The Texas T-Rex will not be terrorizing the ballot box come 2022 after all. Good thing too because he’d have a helluva time reaching the lever with those little mitts of his. According to CNN, in a video message posted on Instagram, Matthew McConaughey announced he’s decided not to run for governor of Texas after spending the past 2 years “listenin’ and learnin’ and measurin’,” and has come to the conclusion that “oh shit, Beto’s runnin’? Abort! About! Abort! What do you mean, that’s not allowed?”
The Surgeon General Assures Matthew McConaughey That It’s Alright Alright Alright For Kids To Get The COVID Vaccine
Matthew McConaughey continues to give off the kind of suspicious vibes that make you feel convinced he really is in the middle of a not-subtle transition from Oscar-winning actor and beach bum to not-so-secretly aspiring Governor of Texas. For example, apropos of nothing, the star of The Wedding Planner and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days decided to let everyone know where he stands on mandatory COVID-19 vaccines for children. He does not like it one bit! The “folksy poet statesman” (his words) explained that more information is needed. Well, ask and you shall receive. The US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy heard Matthew’s cries for more information, and Dr. V came back and said that it’s okay for kids to get vaccinated.
Open Post: Hosted By Yvette Nicole Brown’s Discovery That Matthew McConaughey Smells Like Granola
Since we can’t seem to go very long without hearing about more of Hollywood’s derelict showering habits, today’s Open Post is a continuation of that theme, but also a bit of a pleasant surprise for a change, as long as you’re a fan of toasted oats, honey and maybe a few raisins here and there. What? Yvette Nicole Brown is here to share that when she and Matthew McConaughey worked on 2008’s Tropic Thunder together, she’d made the pleasant and unexpected discovery that his deodorant-free self was not at all at Brad Pitt levels of nose-assaulting roadkill decomposition, and he actually smelled more like granola, of all things. Finally, some good news on the hygiene front!
Open Post: Hosted By Matthew McConaughey’s Weird July 4th Message
However drunk and/or stoned you may have been on the Fourth of July, you probably weren’t drunk and/or stoned enough for Matthew McConaughey’s message to America. We’ve heard that Matthew McConaughey is toying with the idea of running for Governor of Texas, and over the weekend, he decided to get a little practice in by giving some kind of address to the nation while looking like a 70s porn producer turned cult leader. And Matthew’s message on America’s birthday induced eye rolls from sea to shining sea.
The Kardashians Won’t Be Campaigning For Caitlyn Jenner Because Their Politics Don’t Align
Just a few days into her official campaign to become the next governor of California, Caitlyn Jenner is already proving she’s at least as qualified as Gary Coleman was when he ran in our last gubernatorial recall election back in 2003. According to TMZ, Caitlyn’s already taken a bold stance on prison reform even though she may not quite understand how the office of the District Attorney works. So, she’s not as qualified as Arnold Schwarzenegger was, but is possibly more qualified than Gallagher. And her views run contrary to those of future civil rights attorney/potential one-day Madame President Kim Kardashian’s. TMZ reports that none of the Kardashians, least of all Kim, will be campaigning for Caitlyn.
A New Poll Shows That Matthew McConoughey Would Beat The Incumbent If He Ran For Governor Of Texas In 2022
If there’s a bar for competent leadership in the state of Texas it’s so low it’s in hell (and opens at 6 am). So it should not be surprising that potential gubernatorial hopeful Matthew McConaughey is proving to be a popular choice among voters who would rather see the Texas T-Rex in office than sitting Governor Greg Abbott who, while having a longer arm span, can’t keep a beat going on those bongos to save his life (not to mention he probably has a flabby un-tanned ass). A new poll conducted by The Dallas Morning News and the University of Texas at Tyler found that if Texans were to vote for the 2022 election today, Matthew would have a 12-point lead over the would-be-incumbent Abbot.