Saturday Night Live alum Molly Shannon has one hell of a messy story regarding men in power making unwanted sexual advances. During an interview with Howard Stern on his SiriusXM show, Molly brought up an incident at the beginning of her career when pint-sized comedian, the late Gary Coleman, wanted to perform a different kind of stroke with Molly. And she basically had to fight him off like a gazelle versus a tiny lion.
Just a few days into her official campaign to become the next governor of California, Caitlyn Jenner is already proving she’s at least as qualified as Gary Coleman was when he ran in our last gubernatorial recall election back in 2003. According to TMZ, Caitlyn’s already taken a bold stance on prison reform even though she may not quite understand how the office of the District Attorney works. So, she’s not as qualified as Arnold Schwarzenegger was, but is possibly more qualified than Gallagher. And her views run contrary to those of future civil rights attorney/potential one-day Madame President Kim Kardashian’s. TMZ reports that none of the Kardashians, least of all Kim, will be campaigning for Caitlyn.
Three months before Gary Coleman’s death, he went out and got a restraining order against his ex-wife Shannon Price because he knew that minion of Satan was up to some no good shit. Radar says that while Gary was in the hospital recovering from a seizure, Shannon was staying at his house without his permission. Gary seemed to think that Shannon would steal his things or cause damage to his house by chewing on the wooden banisters. The details from Radar:
The official documents were filed under John Doe VS. Jane Doe, which is why they weren’t discovered until now.
Coleman says that ex-wife Shannon Price has moved back into his home against his wishes while he is hospitalized.
And contradicting the picture that Price has painted of herself as a loving ex-wife, Coleman writes that Price “has shown a tendency to damage, destroy and steal my property and I believe she will continue to do so in my absence and while she is trespassing in my home.”
Coleman was granted the restraining order on February 19, 2010 but never served it on Price.
Gary’s lawyer said that even though they were both abusive towards each other, they would always forgive one another and get back together. That is why Shannon was staying at his house at the time
she clobbered him on the head with a mallet of his death.
I was about to scream “EXHUME THE BODY! EXHUME THE BODY” but then I remembered Gary was cremated. GLUE THE ASHES BACK TOGETHER! GLUE THE ASHES BACK TOGETHER! Seriously, there has to be some evidence to put that ginger devil in the chokey.
If only Gary got the hint that Shannon was ungodly when he watched a crucifix turn upside down after she walked by it. Or if only Gary remembered that he had seen Shannon’s face years ago when he played “Bloody Mary” and her image popped up on the bathroom mirror. Yes, Gary, that’s why that ginger fugmonster of evil always looked so familiar.
Gary Coleman’s remains were cremated last night in Salt Lake City without a funeral, wake or any other kind of memorial. Nothing. Gary’s lawyer says that he didn’t want anyone fake crying and pretending they cared about him, so he wanted to be sent off quietly. Gary’s lawyer issued this statement to E! News:
“The proceeding was conducted in accordance with Mr. Coleman’s desires as expressed in his will that no funeral service, wake or other ceremony memorialize his passing
As for Gary’s ashes, they have been stored in an undisclosed location while his parents and that ginger devil Shannon Price fight over them. Shannon says that she wants to spread his ashes over the train tracks, because he loved trains so much. That bitch needs to pull the plug that operates her mouth, because she is lying. More like she wants to put a drop of his ashes into little baggies and then sell it for $5 a pop from a stand off the highway. The truth.
So that’s that. Now maybe Gary can rest in peace. And we’ll always have this picture of him carrying a dog wearing overalls.
This is sadder than when I was at McDonald’s a couple of weeks ago and watched a little butterball of a boy beg his mother to buy him a McFlurry only for her to tell him, “No, you’re fat!” Yes, I laughed out loud and ordered a sundae right in front of him, but it was still sad. Anyways, this is sadder.
People says that Gary Coleman’s will from 1999 states that he doesn’t want any leeches or users at his funeral. Gary made it clear that “those who have no financial ties to me and who can look each other in the eyes and say they really cared personally for Gary Coleman. I direct my personal representative to permit no members of the press to be present at my wake or funeral.”
You can almost picture Gary raising his fist while screaming out this shit to his lawyer. And I guess that means his ex-wife Shannon Price will be sitting on a lawn chair across the street from where his funeral is taking place. Speaking of that ginger cuntress with giant teefs made out of Satan’s toe nails….
Shannon is planning to contest the 1999 will, because she claims that she has a handwritten will from 2007 which states that everything (a $300k house in Utah and Gary’s pension worth $156k a year) goes to her. BUT Radar says that there’s an even newer will which may or may not include Shannon. Expect Shannon to produce the newest of the newest will which was written on a paper hospital curtain minutes before she pulled the plug. You know she did.
And because we’ve already gone full sad, Popeater says that those pictures of Gary on his deathbed were bought by the Globe for only $10,000.
Some of us would like to remember Gary Coleman just like this. Happy to be in drag at some Victoria’s Secret fashion show in the late 90s. You know Flavor Fav would be all about him here. We don’t want to remember him lying on his deathbed right before he took the Greyhound Bus to heaven to stay with Jesus permanently. But that’s how some will remember him, because those pictures taken of Gary just minutes before he died have been sold.
TMZ says that a tabloid bought 4 pictures of Gary Coleman in a hospital bed on life support. The tabloid decided not to buy the picture of Gary after he passed, because they don’t want to earn a gold star from Satan just yet. TMZ confirms that Gary’s ex-wife Shannon Price is the one who hired a production company to take the pictures of him in the hospital. Shannon is also behind shopping the pictures to the tabloids. They were sold for five figures, and Shannon is going to take a cut.
DAMN! You know I get weak for a cutthroat gold digger with a heart made out of the tears from the dudes she’s swindled, but even this is too far for me. I mean, if Shannon wants people to believe that she didn’t push Gary down the stairs and then pull the plug so that he wouldn’t ever wake up from his coma to point the finger at her, this is not how you convince us.
When Shannon is done draining every last cent she can get out of Gary’s death, she’s going to move on to her next victim. I hear Scott Baio is available (I know he’s married, but don’t tell Shannon that).