Matthew McConaughey Has Decided Not To Run For Governor Of Texas At This Time

November 29, 2021 / Posted by:

Welp, turns out The Texas T-Rex will not be terrorizing the ballot box come 2022 after all. Good thing too because he’d have a helluva time reaching the lever with those little mitts of his. According to CNN, in a video message posted on Instagram, Matthew McConaughey announced he’s decided not to run for governor of Texas after spending the past 2 years “listenin’ and learnin’ and measurin’,” and has come to the conclusion that “oh shit, Beto’s runnin’? Abort! About! Abort! What do you mean, that’s not allowed?

Matthew may not be ready to manage the second most populous state in the nation, but he’s obviously ready to campaign for a Golden Globe for playing a person who is. Over the course of this journey of discovery, Matthew’s perfected the cadence, hollow words, and over-the-top hand gestures of a seasoned politician. Only real difference between Matthew and someone like Beto O’Rourke, who earlier this month announced he’s be joining sitting governor Greg Abbott on the ballot, is that Matthew’s nudes are widely available. You just have to look out the window! CNN reports:

Actor Matthew McConaughey announced Sunday that a future in political leadership is not in the cards — right now.

After acknowledging that he had taken time exploring politics and considered a run for the governor of Texas, McConaughey said in a video message on Twitter that he’s decided to focus his efforts in the private sector.

“As a simple kid born in the little town of Uvalde, Texas, it never occurred to me that I would one day be considered for political leadership. It is a humbling and inspiring path to ponder. It is also a path that I’m choosing not to take at this moment,” he said.

The decision brings an end to months of speculation about McConaughey’s political ambitions in Texas after he publicly signaled interest in launching a gubernatorial campaign. The “Dallas Buyers Club” actor, who grew up in Texas, would’ve been something of a political wild card in what is shaping up to be one of the most high-profile contests in 2022.

I’m glad Matthew said it so I don’t have to. That “simple kid” grew up to be an even simpler man who earlier in his exploratory phase claimed to be “more of a folksy and philosopher poet statesman than I am a, per se, definitive politician” without a whiff of irony, but plenty of whiffs of weed and farts. Matthew’s stated political views are about as astute and nuanced as the copy on a box of Honey Bunches of Oats. And at least the HBoO box provides actual facts. Did you know that spiders can’t stand the smell of vanilla? I didn’t! Thanks, HBoO! What facts has Matthew shared? We already know that “we have divides that need healing,” but can he tell us the difference between a frosted sparkle flake and a golden corn flake? Didn’t think so. Since Matthew won’t be wasting any more of his precious time watching School House Rocks videos on YouTube, he’s going to instead focus his efforts on supporting established entrepreneurs, businesses, and foundations.

The actor said in his video Sunday that he has learned “a lot” studying Texas and American politics and that “our politics needs new purpose. That we have divides that need healing.” McConaughey said that he is going to continue to support entrepreneurs, businesses and foundations that he “believes are leaders.”

“Establishments that I believe are creating pathways for people to succeed in life. Organizations that have a mission to serve and build trust while also generating prosperity — that’s the American dream,” he said. “Politicians, the good ones, can help us get to where we need to go … but let’s be clear, they can’t do anything for us unless we choose to do for ourselves.”

Here’s the reel Matthew probably already sent to Aaron Sorkin with a note that reads, “call me brother, I have ideas” and a copy of his book.

Pic: Instagram

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