JoJo Siwa is a name that might not mean too much if you’re of the age where you’re familiar with doing your taxes or renting a car, but she’s a huge deal to those who still have to raise their hand and request a hall pass to go to the bathroom. JoJo recently cut off her scalp-tugging ponytail into a very short look. And any of JoJo’s fans who were hoping to see what she would do with that new ‘do on the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards red carpet over the weekend were sorely disappointed. The KCAs were held on Saturday, but the former queen of Nickelodeon was nowhere to be seen. And when asked where JoJo was, JoJo simply responded that she wasn’t invited and that she too had no idea why she wasn’t there.
Ya hear that? It’s the 100,000 hairs on JoJo Siwa’s head breathing a collective sigh of relief, for they are finally free. Free! Their host-mother has chopped off her trademark scalp-scraping, hairline-yanking high pony, and opted for a much shorter do. 18-year-old JoJo debuted her new look on Instagram and captioned her selfie, “HAPPPPPY.” Awww, she’s distancing herself from JoJo Siwa® the Brand and embracing JoJo Siwa the Out and Proud Human!
Cue up the part in MLK’s speech where he says “free at last,” because we’re one step closer to putting The Slap (pictured above, emblazoned on the Berlin Wall) behind us. According to CNN, The Academy of Motion Picture Sciences has moved up the date for their board meeting to discuss possible sanctions against Will Smith for walking on stage and slapping Chris Rock during the Oscars telecast on March 27th. Originally scheduled for April 18th, the meeting will now be held tomorrow, April 8th, at 9 am. And here I was under the impression that they were waiting so long because they had to interview every single person who witnessed that shit, starting with Lupita Nyong’o all the way up to Ruth McCurdy of DeKalb, Illinois, to ask them their opinion before making their assessment of what, if any, actions to bring against him. Why else would it take so long? We all saw what happened!
Children of the world love JoJo Siwa. But does JoJo Siwa love the children of the world? I’m not totally sure after last night’s Dancing with the Stars Halloween special. JoJo dressed up as Pennywise the Dancing Clown from It and performed a jazz routine set to Anything Goes (?!?) with dance partner Jenna Johnson. Jenna was dressed as little Georgie, the poor kid who gets dragged into the sewer and killed by Pennywise. Um, dark. And what’s darker is that the dance ends with Pennywise-JoJo ripping off and eating Georgie-Jenna’s arm while Georgie-Jenna drops to her knees and screams bloody murder. This is bonkers, and, from someone who’s never watched a full episode of Dancing with the Stars, is this shit something I should get into? Errr, ironically, of course…
Today in “What the Kids Are Talking About,” JoJo Siwa may have split with her girlfriend, Kylie Prew. Oh NoNo, say it ain’t SoSo! Nothing’s been confirmed, but JoJo made a series of comments in interviews and on social media that have fans thinking she’s going through a break up. JoJo officially came out as gay at the beginning of this year (a few months later she clarified that she’s “technically pansexual”), and she introduced Kylie to her fans soon after.
JoJo and Kylie began dating in January but were friends for a year before that. Kylie has referred to JoJo as her “best friend/soulmate/forever person,” but, unfortunately, both of these girls are 18 years old. And calling someone your “soulmate” at 18 is like my weekly declaration that I’ll stop eating cheese at night. You believe it at the moment, but, ultimately, you’re doomed.
The 30th season of Dancing With The Stars started last night, a fact that made me wonder just how many stars we as a society have allowed ABC to burn through (that would be 364 stars). Previous to today, and amongst all those stars, there has never once been a same-sex dance team. But as promised, last night’s 30th season premiere featured contestant JoJo Siwa dancing with her partner, Jenna Johnson.