Category: Jennifer Garner
While Ben Affleck Galavants In Paris, Jennifer Garner Is “Getting Quite Close” With Her Burger Boyfriend
For the past four years, Jennifer Garner and her Robot Burger Man, CaliBurger CEO John Miller, have been “getting serious.” In that same span of time, her ex Ben Affleck has gone from “beaming” with Ana de Armas, to being “head over heels in love and in this for the long term,” with Ana, to being “in different points in their lives” with Ana, to being “a perpetually glum cuckold” with Ana, to talking about being having felt “trapped” in his marriage to Jennifer, to being “just friends” with Jennifer Lopez, to having enabled the “the first clear shots” with JLo on a balcony, to being “madly in love” with JLo, to “looking at massive homes” with JLo, to being “in it for the long haul” with JLo, to exchanging “shock nuptials at a Las Vegas wedding chapel” with JLo, to “sleeping with his mouth wide open in public” on his honeymoon with some woman named Jennifer Lynn Affleck. However, Jen the First is catching up quickly! Us Weekly reports that she and John are now “getting quite close!”
Apparently, Ben Affleck Listed The Date Of His Divorce From Jennifer Garner As Exactly 9 Years Before His Wedding With Jennifer Lopez
As everybody who reads Jennifer Lopez’s newsletter On The JLo (crickets) knows, she finally secured her much-delayed wedding ring from Ben Affleck after the two got hitched in a Las Vegas wedding chapel among the peasants. Jennifer Lopez became Jennifer Affleck on July 16, 2022. And when Ben was filling out the application for a marriage license, he stated that he divorced the original Jennifer Affleck, Jennifer Garner, on July 16, 2013. But that’s not true. Ben and Jennifer Garner were still married in 2013. QUICK! JLo, get one of your assistants to run down and fix this before the license is declared null and void!
Ben Affleck’s 10-Year-Old Son Backed A Lamborghini Into A BMW
It’s been a minute since we’ve fondly reminisced about Latarian Milton, who at 7 years old unapologetically took his grandmother’s SUV for a joyride with his friends and hit a couple of objects along the way. That was almost 15 years ago, and I just always assumed that Latarian found ways to get money and continue his legacy somehow. When I couldn’t find much information about what he’s been up to for all of these years (besides serving some time, unfortunately yet unsurprisingly), my imagination filled in the blanks and I’m convinced that he started a for-profit underground virtual school for kids where they learn to live their best “hood rat stuff” lives while their parents throw up their hands and wonder where they learned all of this undesirable behavior. Samuel Garner Affleck, the 10-year-old son of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, must be a star pupil because even though it’s the summertime, he still completed an impressive assignment–casually backing a Lamborghini into a BMW while checking out cars with his dad and Jennifer Lopez.
Jennifer Garner’s Friends Defend Her Against Ben Affleck’s Comments
On Monday Ben Affleck went on The Howard Stern Show and made the stupid boy decision to say that part of the reason he started drinking was cuz he felt trapped in his marriage to Jennifer Garner. People were pissed (including Jennifer Lopez, reportedly) and a day later Ben appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and explained that his very deep comments were taken out of context for clickbait. Ben said that he would never say a bad word about the mother of his children and that he deeply respects Jennifer Garner. But that tail-between-his-legs-backtracking wasn’t good enough for J.Garn & Co, cuz now Page Six is reporting that “sources around the actress” are “furious” at Ben. Sigh. Everybody hates Affleck…
Ben Affleck Says His Comments About His Marriage To Jennifer Garner Were Taken Out Of Context
Yesterday everybody got mad at Ben Affleck after he said some rude ass shit about how feeling trapped in his marriage to Jennifer Garner drove him to drink. And according to Page Six, that everybody included his new old (old new?) girlfriend Jennifer Lopez who is reportedly “pissed” that “she is getting pulled into this because she is dating him. She doesn’t want to be dragged into this,” certainly not when she’s busy trying to push her new WEDDING themed movie and accompanying romantic ballad. Ben coming off as a colossal prick on Howard Stern was not on the agenda and he should know that considering JLo’s been dutifully sending notarized hard copies, in triplicate, to Ben’s entire team each and every morning for the past year. He knows what’s in the contract!
Ben Affleck Says He’d Probably Still Be Drinking If He Never Split From Jennifer Garner
I can personally think of better holiday gifts Ben Affleck could give his ex-wife, like a new blender or maybe even a nice new couch (as you’ll understand in a moment). But Ben Affleck decided to give Jennifer Garner the gift of a public story about how his current sobriety would be but a dream, should he have never gotten divorced from her.