Last month Ben Affleck was spotted lugging Ana de Armas’ shit (my bad, gorgeous A-listers like Ana don’t have “shit”, they possess “personal effects”) out of her Venice Beach home, presumably so she could move into his Pacific Palisades house. Or, as the Sun calls it, his “$20 million dad pad”. Because it has a “very kid-friendly backyard” (no orgy grotto?!).
The Sun has a bunch of helicopter pics of the “kid’s paradise”, which isn’t even a new thing; Ben purchased the home over two years ago. But now that his 31-year-old “fiancée-in-waiting” (ew) is moving in, his mansion is “news.”
A source told The Sun:
“This house has become Ben’s sanctuary, and it’s been the ideal place for him to make a totally fresh start.
“The kids spend a ton of time there and Ben has decked it out to incorporate his clean lifestyle plus offer them features to make it lots of fun when they come over.”
Ya hear that, Jennifer Garner? Cool Dad Ben’s got a ping pong table and a pool with a slide! So kids Violet, 14, and Seraphina, 11, and son Samuel, 8 are in safe, sober hands. Which will soon be sin-free as well. Because according to this inside source, Ben’s gearing up to make an honest woman outta Ana:
“There’s a lot of talk that Ben and Ana will make things official soon, and that this will serve as their main LA home.
“They spend a ton of time here at the moment, although Ana has still kept her place in Venice Beach.
“But they’re head over heels in love and in this for the long term, so their mutual friends are convinced it’s just a matter of timing before they’re engaged.”
Just a matter of timing, precisely. The paparazzi must set up the perfect angle at the exact right moment in order to capture Ana’s reaction of genuine shock when Ben goes down on one knee and presents her with the ring she definitely didn’t pick out herself. “On the street, babe? Right here, in front of all the cameras?” The 48-year-old Oscar winner chuckles, take a drag from the cigarette dangling above his mask, and replies, “It’s where we fell in love, isn’t it?” A single tear falls down Ana’s cheek as she untangles herself from the dog’s leash. “Correction, babe. It’s where the world fell in love with US.” They kiss. We puke. The End.