Yesterday everybody got mad at Ben Affleck after he said some rude ass shit about how feeling trapped in his marriage to Jennifer Garner drove him to drink. And according to Page Six, that everybody included his new old (old new?) girlfriend Jennifer Lopez who is reportedly “pissed” that “she is getting pulled into this because she is dating him. She doesn’t want to be dragged into this,” certainly not when she’s busy trying to push her new WEDDING themed movie and accompanying romantic ballad. Ben coming off as a colossal prick on Howard Stern was not on the agenda and he should know that considering JLo’s been dutifully sending notarized hard copies, in triplicate, to Ben’s entire team each and every morning for the past year. He knows what’s in the contract!
But thankfully, peace on earth might still be possible this Christmas because Ben has addressed the backlash and swears that what he said was the exact opposite of what he said. In other words, just to clarify — he said what he said but what he said was totally different from what he said. Got it? Can we now just focus on getting America to believe that JLo is, above all else, a Vocalist?
Ben appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and said he had no idea his comments on Monday’s Howard Stern Show had been controversial until he saw the hullabaloo on Twitter and learned that “one of these websites had done the clickbait thing,” by cherry-picking the part of the interview where he said if he was still married, he’d “probably still be drinking. It’s part of why I started drinking … because I was trapped.” JLo reportedly said his words were “reckless and cavalier,” two things that are expressly forbidden in their contract. However, Ben says it’s not like that. According to People:
“I would never want my kids to think I would ever say a bad word about their mom,” he told host Jimmy Kimmel. Affleck shares daughters Violet, 16, and Seraphina, 12, plus son Samuel, 9, with Garner.
The dad of three said that he thought his interview with Stern had been “meaningful” and didn’t realize how his comments had been perceived until after it aired, adding that some listeners had “taken the conversation” and “made it seem as if I was doing the exact opposite of what I said” by focusing on only one piece of their chat.
In the interview with Stern, he explained, “I had gone on and said how much we respect each other and cared about each other and cared about our kids and put them first.” Affleck added that the part of the interview that gained attention “just made me out to be the worst, most insensitive, stupid awful guy.”
Got it? JLo is the greatest Vocalist of our time and Ben is not the worst, most insensitive, stupid awful guy of our time, or any other for that matter! Not when Hitler existed. Don’t believe me? Look at the material!
Adele is probably looking to get into NTFs. There’s simply no competition when JLo’s in the game! Ben told Jimmy that the reason he’s taken the time out of his very, very busy schedule (JLo stays on his neck) to address his perfectly normal and respectful remarks, is his kids. And he got a little spicy with it too.
While he said he understands that his personal life can make headlines or his pictures can be turned into “memes,” Affleck explained that when it comes to his family, “I have to draw a line, and be clear.”
He concluded, “That’s not true. I don’t believe that. It’s the exact opposite of who I am, what I believe.”
This is what happens when you try to be candid and open about your personal struggles in the most generic, non-specific way possible. Hard to have it both ways. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. JLo’s got pianos to lay on. And climb. And project fireworks onto. Basically, anything other than actually playing it.
And Here’s Ben’s interview with Jimmy. The Protective Papa Bear (as outlined in Section 8, Article VII labeled “acceptable personas to adopt in Phase 3” of The Long Stunt) comes out at 0:53.