Category: Golden Showers

Kanye West’s Wyoming Ranch Will Include A “Urine Garden”

March 26, 2020 / Posted by:

Last fall, hordes of life-long Wyomingites uprooted their lives and fled the state when they heard the news that Kanye West purchased a massive ranch near the town of Cody. Like, haven’t they suffered enough? RuPaul’s fracking on their precious land, and now this? Kanye is constructing a huge ampitheatre where he can hold his Sunday Services. He’s also building his Yeezy fashion headquarters.

Kanye was interviewed for this month’s issue of WSJ Magazine. In addition to spouting dumbassery about his struggle as a black Trump supporter, he also delved into his plans for the Wyoming “compound”. It will feature “a series of seven dome-shaped rooms to be part of a closed-loop ecology for energy and water capture”, and some more eco-friendly/crazy rich person shit…

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That’s Jennifer Lawrence Pissing Behind Her Mom, Because Duh!

December 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Jennifer Lawrence is out there pimping another movie, so you know what that means? It’s time for another round of Jennifer Lawrence ass burping up quirky tales of her puking and pissing antics. JLaw telling piss stories while promoting Passengers is actually pretty fitting, because according to early reviews, that shit should be flushed and forgotten.

Fresh off from telling the offensive story about how her ass destroyed sacred rocks in Hawaii,  JLaw was on The Late Late Show with James Corden on Tuesday night, and while sitting next to alleged Uber driver slapper T.J. Miller, she told an OMGSORELATABLEOMG that’s only relatable to dogs, Bear Grylls and uncouth babies. JLaw’s friends should maybe get her a Fisher-Price Fun To Learn Potty for Christmas, because it seems like she’s pissing everywhere except a toilet (see: Jennifer Lawrence Pisses In Sinks and this post).

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The Time Drake Got Pissed On At A Movie Theater

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

In case you’re not up on the saddest beef to hit the Internet since (NSFW) Shia LaBeouf’s peen, Drake and Meek Mill are warring, because Meek accused Drake of using ghostwriters and Drake said that Meek needs to change his occupation title to “Nicki Minaj’s coattail surfer.”

Drake has already put out two diss tracks about this feud and last night, Meek Mill finally responded with his own diss track and well… It says everything when the burns made by a porn company, a fast food chain and my favorite Canadian politician about the diss track are better than the burns in said diss track. But in Meek’s Drake diss song titled “Wanna Know,” he spits out a line about how Wheelchair Jimmy took a shower under a golden stream at a movie theater once. The line goes:

You let Tip homie piss on you in a movie theater, nigga, we ain’t forget.

TMZ got to the bottom of that line and found out that it really did happen. They say that back in 2010, Drake went to a private screening of the movie Takers starring T.I., Paul Walker, Idris Elba and Matt Dillon. About 30 minutes into the movie, Drake and one of T.I.’s childhood friends got into a fight over seats. They were all drunk, of course. The fight ended when T.I.’s friend pulled out his dick and made it rain golden showers all over Drake. Drake jumped up and ran out of the screening while screaming “motherfucker.” I guess the piss is mightier than the fist sometimes.

But rap mogul Julia Beverly has a slightly different story. She heard that T.I.’s friend was plastered and took a piss in the aisle. Some of the piss splashed on Drake and he didn’t react.

Whatever the case may be, Drake better expect a movie invitation from R. Kelly and T.I.’s friend better expect the same from Kim Kartrashian. And this story didn’t really faze me, because I’ve been to a gay porn theater once or twice, so I’ve seen a lot more than piss shoot across an aisle. You gotta show up in a goddamn rain slicker.


Michael Phelps Loves To Get Pissed On While Wearing Lady Panties, So Says A Craigslist Dominatrix

March 19, 2015 / Posted by:

This is the world we live in now. A trick can’t happily get pissed on while wearing lady chonies without worrying about the pisser spilling his fetishes to The National Enquirer for a quick check. Somebody needs to add “Do Not Piss and Tell” under “Do Not Kiss and Tell” in the Ho Code.

According to the bastion of truthfulness called The National Enquirer, Michael Phelps would win more gold medals if golden showers was an Olympic sport. Actually, that’s not totally true. He’d be lucky to win silver if Kim Kartrashian competed. Anyway, a Craigslist dominatrix claims that in February 2013, Poseidon’s son contacted her after seeing her ad and agreed to give her a $900 “donation” to come over to his NYC hotel room with a fully loaded bladder. Yup, apparently, he’s really into water sports.

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Kristen Bell Had To Pee Into A Jar While Wearing Her Oscar Gown

March 11, 2014 / Posted by:

That’s the look that says “Why yes, you are catching top notes of asparagus and Nevada rest stop men’s room floor. If you give it a second, you should get a warm finish of Kindergarten nap time.”

During an appearance on Live! with Kelly and Michaelpap-hating elfin sloth enthusiast Kristen Bell answered some questions about the tight mermaid-style dress she wore to the Academy Awards, and just like everything in life, the convo turned to pissing. According to People, when co-host Michael Strahan asked her if her Roberto Cavalli gown was comfortable to sit in (because that’s all you do at the Oscars is sit for a thousand hours) she replied:

“Nope. And I didn’t realize that until I got into it. There was a situation … there was a Mason jar involved.” When the audience giggled, she laughed and said, “Like you guys haven’t peed into a Mason jar before in a huge ball gown!”

I have so many questions (the first of which being “Ew?”): How many times was she pissing in that jar – was it a one-time thing, or did she have a small Smuckers jar tucked away in her purse, collecting piss like someone’s crazy backwoods Uncle? If the dress was so tight that she couldn’t pull it up to use a toilet, how did she have enough room to scootch a glass jar up there? Is jar pissing that common at the Oscars? Is there a poor washroom attendant who’s job it is to collect the endless jars of urine that collect in the ladies room? Forget the Pizza Guy, Urine Lady is the one who needs that $1000 tip.

And a note to Roberto Cavalli: people are pissing in your dresses. If you want your couture to stop being returned to you smelling like hospital bedsheets, start including a Stadium Gal with every dress.

I guess Kristen Bell learned her lesson, because here she is at the Veronica Mars premiere in New York wearing a dress that could easily accommodate popping a squat (bonus points for picking a color and a fabric that won’t show visible splash back):

(Pics: Splash)

Bam Margera Is A True Poet Who’s Into Solo Golden Showers

January 29, 2013 / Posted by:

The humanized scab skin torn off of a skater boy’s knee named Bam Margera is now getting into the rap game and has a new song out called “Bend My Dick To My Ass” and it’s only a matter of time before the RIAA certifies it triple gold condom wrapper. Shooting liquefied human waste into his mouth made Bam a TV and movie star, so he’s hoping it’ll make him dubstep star too.

In the video for the tuck fuck anthem of our time, Bam and a fellow down river skank dry hump in the back of a car and flash their parts all around Iceland. The true bright spot of the video is at the 2:44 mark when Bam takes a sip of the piss geyser shooting out of his peen hole. (The prolific piss drinker from My Strange Addiction is totally in love.) If you think about it, whatever shoots out of his dick is probably not as disgusting or diseased as the shit that’s in his mouth, so if anything, he’s cleaning out his filthy trash hole.

And the lyrics to this beautiful song have confirmed that Bam is the most influential poet of our time.

In a coffee shop in heaven somewhere, Robert Frost is writing a 5,000 word poem about how he’s disappointed at himself for not coming up with the poetic line “Bend My Dick To My Ass So That I Can Fuck Myself.” That’s exactly the line that The Road Not Taken needed to make it a real masterpiece. And will somebody please give me Bam Margera’s phone number, because I need to beg him to let me use the line “Titty Fuck My Ass Cheeks” as the title of my memoirs. That line is my entire life summed up in five words.

In other Bam news, he was kicked out of a hotel in Brisbane after he ruined the paintings in his room by drunkenly painting over them with a bunch of his piece of trash friends. If the hotel owners saw Bam’s music video, they’d understand his art and wouldn’t have kicked him out. You can’t keep an artist from making art just like you can’t keep a Bam Margera from bending his dick to his ass.

(Thanks, Joanne) 

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