Category: Florida
ICU ICU Baby: Vanilla Ice (And Taylor Dayne And Terri Nunn) Performed At Mar-A-Lago’s Maskless NYE Party
If on New Year’s Eve, you really wanted to end your year with a BANG of foolery by catching coronavirus in the stupidest way possible, both coasts offered your ass something. In Malibu, CA, COVID-19’s favorite Christian Kirk Cameron once again ignored the state’s lockdown rules like relevancy has ignored him for decades and held another unpermitted prayer gathering where dozens of people, who mostly didn’t wear masks, listened to him spew out words that translated to, “I have found a new way for people to actually pay attention to me.” And over at Mar-A-Lago in Palm Beach, FL, hundreds of maskless messes danced to a Vanilla Ice performance during a pandemic. If in the future, your grandchildren ask you what the 2020 pandemic was like in America, just show them the clip of a maskless Donald Trump Jr. head-bopping to a performance of Ice Ice Baby by an accused wife beater.
Open Post: Hosted By The Florida Man Who Saved His Puppy From The Jaws Of A Gator
I know I’m not alone in side-eyeing any mentions of people doing things in Florida at this point, for reasons we all understand. At least this one has a happy ending and a cute, scampering puppy as our reward for reading “Florida” and “gator” and still clicking on the link.
According to WINK News, Richard Wilbanks and his dog, Gunner, were out on a hike in the village of Estero, when the pup wandered into a pond and landed in the jaws of an alligator. The whole scene was captured by surveillance cameras, a collaboration between the Florida Wildlife Federation and the fSTOP Foundation:
Open Post: Hosted By The Poor Nurse Shark Who Got Stuck With A Dude In Florida After Latching Onto His Arm
This is a few days old (which is eleventy hundred years in internet time), but it’s the perfect Labor Day Open Post, because Florida is that state that works everyone’s last nerve, and “everyone” includes this nurse shark.
CBS12 says that on August 30, Florida foolery was in full effect in Jensen Beach and not just because everyone acted like they were in a coronavirus-free wonderland where they don’t have to cover their wet germ holes with a mask or stay away from each other. But also because a poor nurse shark ended up stuck with all those COVID-19-ignoring messes after latching onto a dude’s arm. And the Florida twist in this story is that Gronk’s Florida third cousin ended up with a shark on his arm because of a douche bet with a friend.
Disney World Is Cutting Its Hours Since Not That Many Tourists Are Going
Less than a month ago, the House of Mouse spit in the eye of God when they decided to reopen Disney World despite record-breaking coronavirus numbers in Florida. Even though Disney World went on about “enhanced health and safety measures”, they faced a lot of backlash from the public. Soon they had to ban eating and drinking while walking after visitors were seen doing so without their masks. Then, last week, one of the Splash Mountain log flume rides sank with guests inside. That last one has nothing to do with COVID-19, but it’s still a ridiculous Disney World fail.
Then, this past weekend, Disney announced that they were reducing their hours in September because of lower-than-expected attendance due to coronavirus. Um, duh?
Disney World Bans Eating And Drinking While Walking
Last weekend that greedy SOB Scrooge McDuck replaced Mickey Mouse as head honcho of Disney in a wily Succession-style coup d’état. Scrooge’s first order of business? Re-open Disney World to the idiot public! Despite record-breaking coronavirus cases in Florida. Cash > lives. Ain’t that America?
Despite claiming they were imposing special safety measures like mandatory masks and social distancing, Disney was still criticized for their very ~Florida~ decision. And you bet your ass a bunch of adult Disney freaks immediately found a loophole regarding the masks. They were seen eating and drinking, mouths exposed, while walking around the park. Well, Disney World quickly changed the rules to cover their asses. The new guidelines state that guests can remove their masks while eating and drinking, but only if they remain stationary.
Disney World Has Reopened Amid Record-Breaking Coronavirus Cases In Florida
After semi-shutting down due to the coronavirus pandemic, many states in the U.S. have been opening up again. The problem is that coronavirus numbers in the U.S. are the highest in the world and growing. So, of course, this is a great time for Disney World to reopen because Mickey Mouse is a greedy bitch and knows that cartoon mice can’t get coronavirus, I think.