Open Post: Hosted By The Florida Couple Who Were Arrested For Having Sex In The Back Of A Police Car
Florida, America’s horniest state, has once again blessed us with a sticky, gooey MESS. Somebody needs to send a mage with a freshly sharpened quill down to the citadel to pull out the dusty tome called “The Book Of Horny Legends” because it needs to be updated. A Nassau County couple, Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, were arrested and charged with multiple crimes after they allegedly took an all expenses paid trip to The Bone Zone in the back of a patrol car after having failed field sobriety tests for biking while drunk and horny. The focus! The determination! The gall, and the nerve! Megan and Seth, we salute you!
According to People Magazine, Megan and Seth were out for a romantic late night bicycle ride when they seized their opportunity by the loins.
It was nearing midnight when a deputy from Nassau County Sheriff’s Office stopped Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, as they were riding their bicycles along a street in Fernandina Beach.
The report indicates neither bike had lights and that a motorist nearly struck the pair.
The deputy who stopped them said they smelled of alcohol and slurred their speech. The report claims their eyes were both bloodshot and watery.
Bloodshot and watery, two of the sexitest words in the English language. Keep talking!
Field sobriety tests followed and were allegedly failed, so the policeman put Mondanaro and Thomas in the back of his patrol car.
The deputy details that he was still outside of his vehicle when Mondanaro and Thomas allegedly disrobed and started having sexual intercourse.
The deputy said he opened the door to tell them to stop and noticed Thomas was completely naked and Mondanaro’s pants were down and her breasts exposed.
Completely naked, you guys. My man Seth simply can’t stand to have a stitch betwixt his flesh, and that of his lover. Lesser horn dogs might have kept their t-shirt on, but I guess nipples meeting nipples in the back of a 2011 Impala is a thrill too rare to pass up.
The report claims that Thomas was removed from the vehicle, and pushed another deputy to the ground before fleeing, sparking a brief foot chase.
Did he get his clothes back on first, or was his engorged love saber slapping out a beat so sensual, it caused spontaneous nocturnal emissions to erupt in every house within a 5-mile radius? Of course, no great sacrifice to the mighty god Libitum comes without consequence. And sadly for Megan and Seth, they got slapped with a little more than a UTI and a wet spot.
Mondanaro was charged with DUI, exposing sex organs, unnatural and lascivious act and resisting without violence.
Thomas was charged with threat against a public official, unnatural and lascivious act, exposing sex organs and DUI.
The good Libitus didn’t give us sexual organs, only to have us hide them under a bushel! And there’s nothing “unnatural” about two consenting horny drunken bicyclists getting it on the way Libitus intended: On easy-to-clean-up pleather seats! The injustice is maddening! #Justice4HornDogs
Pic: Nassau County Sheriff