Open Post: Hosted By The Poor Nurse Shark Who Got Stuck With A Dude In Florida After Latching Onto His Arm

September 7, 2020 / Posted by:

This is a few days old (which is eleventy hundred years in internet time), but it’s the perfect Labor Day Open Post, because Florida is that state that works everyone’s last nerve, and “everyone” includes this nurse shark.

CBS12 says that on August 30, Florida foolery was in full effect in Jensen Beach and not just because everyone acted like they were in a coronavirus-free wonderland where they don’t have to cover their wet germ holes with a mask or stay away from each other. But also because a poor nurse shark ended up stuck with all those COVID-19-ignoring messes after latching onto a dude’s arm. And the Florida twist in this story is that Gronk’s Florida third cousin ended up with a shark on his arm because of a douche bet with a friend.

Nurse sharks are pretty harmless to humans, but if you try to fuck with them, they’ll fuck with you back, which is exactly what happened here. According to ClickOrlando, Jeremy Porter, the man who shot the video, claims that the mess in this video grabbed at the nurse shark in the water after his friend bet him $100 that he wouldn’t touch it. When he grabbed the shark, got a huge taste of human idiot by latching onto his arm and refusing to let go.

As a lifeguard and Martin County Fire worked to free the nurse shark from that dude, who said that the bite didn’t hurt, a crowd gathered and offered brilliant suggestions like “poking” the shark in the eyeball. But instead of doing that, alcohol was poured on the shark’s mouth. If they were going to do that, they should’ve at least poured the good kind of alcohol. Cheap fucks!

Jeremy Porter says it took about 20 minutes to free the shark who was released back into the water. At least the nurse shark is okay. Well, not totally okay, because I’m sure that nurse shark will forever be traumatized by the time they were latched onto a dude with a tank top tan while surrounded by a bunch of coronavirus ignorers in Florida!

Pic: YouTube

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