Thor And His Wife Are Expecting Twins

Chris Hemsworth and his wife, Elsa Pataky, are expecting twins this spring according to Hola! (via EOnline). Michael K. has already thrown out Loki as a name suggestion for one of the babies and I’m totally down for an Avengers theme across the board here. Honestly, I just want to see Chris do an interview and say, “Loki, Captain Iron Hulk Eye and their mother are doing just fine“. I also nominate Tom Hiddleston as the godfather until the world implodes from the bursting of ovaries the first time a picture of him holding the babies circulates around the internet. I’m also hoping Chris attends the delivery in character as Thor just to see if he does this after the first baby comes out.

Chris and Elsa already have a one-year-old daughter named India Rose, so maybe they’re one of those couples who names their children after where they were conceived like Bryce Dallas Howard’s parents. As long as they don’t get too specific, that could turn out okay but even if they do, something like twins both named Backseat Chevy Astro Hemsworth wouldn’t be too out of place with the Pilot Inspektors and Moxie Crimefighters of Hollywood.

(Pic: Wenn)

Julia Roberts’ Golden Globes Dress Divides A Nation (Not Really)

The Ghost of Jennifer Lawrence’s future Julia Roberts showed up to the Golden Globes yesterday wearing an ensemble that made some whores applaud and made other whores, including this whore, wonder where her serving tray full of champagne flutes was since she looked like an overdressed cater waiter. Julia made some best dressed lists (and I’m guessing one of those lists is from the American Foundation For The Blind) and she made a lot of worst dressed lists. This applies to almost everything in life, but I looked at Julia and thought to myself, “Sharon Stone did it first and did it better, bitch.”

Julia’s look made me want to roll up my jeans and dab a little Dior Poison on my b-hole, because bitch was giving me 90s all the way. If you traveled back to 1993 and strolled into a Charlotte Russe with an Orange Julius (aka the Frappuccino of the 90s) in your hand and walked to the prom section, you’d find that dress hanging there. It’s like Mimi’s beehive from the Can’t Let Go video and one of the P.E. outfits from Clueless crashed into Julia at the same time. She looks like the least charismatic member of an all-white En Vogue cover group.

If Julia wore a black velvet choker and smelled like Primo, this would’ve been the look.

Because I really don’t want to throw up 100 more Golden Globes posts (cut to Allison, Megan and I throwing up 100 more Golden Globes posts in the next 3 hours), here’s tons of looks from last night including Hermione Granger giving us a reverse mullet and Zoe Saldana looking like an old snobby lady’s fabric scrap bin.

Elsa Pataky’s Lips Stood In For Natalie Portman’s Lips For The Thor 2 Kissing Scene

I didn’t see Thor 2, because I figured that if there were any shots of Chris Hemsworth’s muscled nipples and/or Loki licking his lips they’d end up in GIF form on Tumblr. I’d much rather fap with popcorn butter at home rather than do it in a theater and risk getting dragged out by security after some judgmental prudes complain. But anyway, at the very, very end (SPOILER ALERT, which doesn’t really mean anything since if this is a spoiler I already spoiled it in the title) of Thor 2, Natalie Portman’s character kisses on Thor. Natalie tells the NYDN that it wasn’t her lips in that scene. The scene was shot during reshoots and Natalie was busy doing another movie so she couldn’t do it. They should’ve asked Tom Hiddleston to fill in since his lips are softer than a baby cashmere goat’s taint, but they got Chris Hemsworth’s real-life wife Elsa Pataky to do it instead. Natalie said:

“It was for reshoots (after the film was finished) and he was working in Hong Kong and I couldn’t get there because I was working on my own film. And so they put his wife in my wig and costume, that’s why it was so passionate. It was such a perfect solution, wasn’t it?”

Oh please, we all know the real reason why Natalie Portman wouldn’t do that kissing scene. Chris Hemsworth had to eat a small family of cows twice a day to stay that huge, so vegan Natalie refused to touch his nasty mouth. Or worse, Chris Hemsworth just ate a cake made with eggs and milk and we all know that Natalie Portman is a vicious, vicious cake hater.

As I said before, I didn’t see that scene, but I’m sure it wasn’t that passionate. If they were going for passionate, then they should’ve gotten Tacky Pataky to fill in for Natalie and asked Adrien Brody to put on a muscle suit and Beth Chapman wig to fill in as Thor. Because “passion” was re-defined when Adrien Brody and Tacky Pataky were together. Gag on this fairy tale passion:

Or just gag.