Category: ABBA
ABBA Released New Music And Announced A Hologram Concert
As expected, ABBA, who officially reunited after 40 years, just released two new songs from their upcoming 10-song album, Voyage (out November 7). And they announced a special “digital concert” which they’ll perform next May in London’s Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park. Errr, sorta. Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Andersson, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, and Agnetha Faltskog, now all in their seventies, will “perform” as hologram versions of their younger selves. Somebody pass the shrooms, I’m hoppin’ on a plane to Jolly Ol’ London!
America Is Getting Its Own Version Of Eurovision
In case you didn’t know, people in Europe have STRONG feelings about Eurovision. And people in the US have STRONG feelings about everything but Eurovision, so it’s a bit of a surprise to learn that an American version of the iconic annual song contest is in the works (but not too surprising because, after all, if there weren’t a minimum of 50 talent-based reality shows on the air, what else would moms watch?)
Past winners of Eurovision have included ABBA, Celine Dion, and Conchita Wurst. But I’m sure they’ll have nothing on Florida’s entry, which will probably just be a bunch of people whining about why they have to wear a mask while sitting on alligators.
Thank God! There’s (Maybe) A New “Mamma Mia!” Movie In The Works
Never having seen Mamma Mia 1 or 2, I cannot truly wrap my head around the massive success of a movie about a hippie Meryl Streep running through the streets of Greece with Christine Baranski and a daughter who doesn’t know who her father is. Oh, and then Cher shows up out of nowhere. And then the hot guy on the jet ski…and then it’s over? (I took a break, mid-sentence, to watch both trailers and now I’m fully up to speed). Well, strap in gays and girls because after the first movie made more than $600 million worldwide, and the second one made $395 million worldwide, some genius decided that it might be worth it to make another one. Cut to Cher unplugging her landline telephone and adding “CAN’T. TOO BUSY” to every date in her 2021-2022 calendar.
Cher Has Revealed The Details For The Album Of The Century
If you woke up this morning feeling a little closer to Heaven, there’s a reason for that, and it isn’t your sleep apnea. Iconic, ageless, legendary, wigged QUEEN, Cher, has given the gays and the world what they need: a confirmed full tracklist, album cover and release date of her new ABBA cover album. That erection you woke up with wasn’t morning wood, honey, it was Cher!
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme ABBA’s New Songs!
It looks like 2018 isn’t turning out to be the complete flaming anal fissure that 2017 was. A jury said “Bye Bitch!” to Bill Cosby, North and South Korea vowed to stop warring, the Golden State Killer was possibly caught, Ryan Murphy made the best decision of his career by casting Joan Collins in the next AHS, the IRS discovered a glitch in my 2016 tax returns and sent me a $16 check, and now we’re learning that ABBA is going to cause ears to jizz out glitter by releasing new music. I’m going to pray that Alexander Skarsgard pops up on my Grindr tonight and messages me with, “Looking?” It can happen! Because if ABBA got back together, anything is possible!
They Are Making A Sequel To “Mamma Mia!”
But didn’t they all die in the end?
Universal has announced that they’re releasing a sequel to the film version of ABBA-fest jukebox musical, Mamma Mia!. Deadline says that the entire cast is coming back, which means that Pierce Brosnan might sing again. Please, for all that is holy and good in the world, do not let Pierce Brosnan sing again. He sounded like a dying burro in an iron lung. How Meryl Streep’s character didn’t fling herself off a cliff to escape his singing is inexplicable.