Category: Don’t Call It A Comeback
Lindsay Lohan Released Her New Single “Back To Me”
In these dark times, some musicians have corona-delayed their albums. Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, Toni Braxton, even Willie Nelson. You may think, “What’s the problem, just upload that shit to the internets so I have a new soundtrack for my crying showers!” Well, the issue is publicity. All the stars want to go on The Late Late Show with James Corden and eat slug dicks so more people will download their songs. Money, baby!
But not Lindsay Lohan. LiLo is a true artiste, and for her, it’s always been about the music. Besides, she’s probably barred from most talk show sets. So fuck it! Today she released her brand new single, Back To Me.
Lindsay Lohan Released A Teaser For Her New Song “Back To Me”
Surprise, bitches. Lindsay Dee Lohan, master of the social media game (hint: it involves deleting everything she posts, gotta achieve Inbox Instagram Zero) finally revealed that new music she’s long been teasing. Sorry, y’all, Xanax was just a test run. This is the reeeal comeback. It’s an 18-second snippet of a song called Back To Me. The full song will allegedly be released tomorrow. Finally! Something we can all look forward to in this miserable hellscape! Continue reading
Celine Dion Released Three New Singles And Is About To Embark On A World Tour
I get it. People want to be dazzled by one of the greatest singers in the world, live in person. But I can’t for the life of me imagine who in their right mind would pay hard earned American dollars, or waste a minute of their precious time watching that deep fake Whitney Houston bullshit, while Celine Dion still lives and breathes on this earth. Celine doesn’t need to rely on parlor tricks or jiggery pokery to dazzle us, she gets the job done with a pyrotechnic explosion of live vocals and sequins!
The Whitney Houston Hologram Is Really Happening And Is Going On Tour
Rolling Stone says we’ve officially reached a new threshold in the point of human existence where we cannot let the dead have even a moment of rest, as Whitney Houston–who passed away in 2012–is going on a full tour. Well, some refracted light machines mimicking her likeness will be going on tour–the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Whitney’s Hologram has announced a 2020 schedule, so get your Ouija Boards ready: it’s time for a tour!
Ben Affleck Will Probably Star In An Erotic Thriller With Ana de Armas
Director Adrian Lyne is set to direct his first film since 2002’s Unfaithful and it looks like Ben Affleck and his giant phoenix back tattoo are set to star in the erotic thriller. I mean Ben’s back is basically an erotic thriller on its own, right, so I’m glad it’s finally getting its chance to shine. Ana de Armas from Blade Runner is also in talks to star with Ben. Ben is 46 and Ana is 31, so we should give Hollywood the Nobel Peace Prize for not making a 20-something the love interest of a 40-something dude. PROGRESS!
Kenya Moore Is Returning To “The Real Housewives Of Atlanta”
Kenya Moore is twirling her messy ass back to the Real Housewives of Atlanta after taking a season to have a baby with her very real and not imaginary husband, Marc Daly. If only they could make Michael Rapaport a Housewife. I would like nothing more to see Kenya take her newly polished scepter and twirl it all over his goofy face.