Lindsay Lohan Released A Teaser For Her New Song “Back To Me”

April 2, 2020 / Posted by:

Surprise, bitches. Lindsay Dee Lohan, master of the social media game (hint: it involves deleting everything she posts, gotta achieve Inbox Instagram Zero) finally revealed that new music she’s long been teasing. Sorry, y’all, Xanax was just a test run. This is the reeeal comeback. It’s an 18-second snippet of a song called Back To Me. The full song will allegedly be released tomorrow. Finally! Something we can all look forward to in this miserable hellscape!

Here’s Lilo announcing her future #1 (on Dina Lohan’s Spotify) hit:

Fuck me. I don’t hate it. I mean, nothing will ever be Rumors, but that would be like Bob Dylan trying to top Like A Rolling Stone. Impossible! And obviously I love the single’s artwork. Lindsay in stripper heels squatting like she’s peeing outside a nightclub (bathroom for coke, alley for piss). Very on brand. Very now. Very Lohan.

And then there’s the lyrics. Profound. Let’s dive in and do a close reading with side by side translations:

Oh, but I know that everything changes (I’m on my fourth face at the tender age of 33)
All things turn to basics (Fuck all you basic bitches)
Now I’m coming back, (I might be returning to the US, corona-who?)
I’m coming back to meee
(Me want fame again)
To meee, yeah. (To meee, yeah)
To meee, yeah. (To meee, yeah)

Lindsay hasn’t released a full album for 15 years. That’s as old as an Eilish! And even though she promised a whole new album for this past February, I’m fine with these late-to-the-game scraps. If you expect Lilo to do something on time, you’re a fool. If she gets it done at all, even if it’s months, nay, YEARS, late, you thank your lucky Lohans for the gift.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be patiently waiting for someone to edit Back to Me over a video of Lindsay dancing like she’s throwing a party in Mykonos, bitch. Chop, chop!

Pic: Twitter

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