Lindsay Lohan Put Out Her New No-Budget Music Video For “Xanax”

September 24, 2019 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan has been teasing us about new music for a while now. You could say “teasing”, but you could also say “threatening.” Most recently, Lindsay talked with an Australian news outlet about how she was so busy and had all these projects going including new music. Lindsay said that her new song Xanax would be released either on the season premiere episode or the season finale episode of her new gig, The Masked Singer Australia. The Masked Singer premiered yesterday, and so Lindsay came through with her threat, and also released a video, which looks like something a drunk Dina Lohan put together in one second in the booth of a bar while waiting for her Long Island Iced Tea.

You’re going to need more than a Xanax to get through the video and song. I don’t know how Lindsay managed to make 2 minutes and 50 seconds feel like ten, but here we are. Along with a “video” which is actually less professionally-made than the car crash compilations I watch on YouTube when I’m stoned, Lindsay gifted us with Xanax:

The effort that took. Whoever did it needs to take the year off, because think of how exhausting it was to lazily slap together random, nonsensical videos on LiLo’s phone and put them in a slideshow to that boring, raspy, club-lite trash. It’s too bad the MTV VMAs are over, because that would’ve swept!

Meanwhile, the reviews are in for her judging skills on The Masked Singer Australia and they are dismal. Her acting skills on the other hand are being highly praised since she’s doing her best pretending to know what the fuck is going on.

The Australian public is as confused as we are that Lindsay Lohan–an American celebrity who was most famous in 2008 and has spent the last, like, five years bouncing around Europe and Dubai–would be chosen to guess Australian celebrities. The only Australian celebrities I know are the ones who made it in America and The Hemsworths, and Kylie Minogue are way too famous to be on that show. I mean even Kylie’s sister Dannii Minogue is too famous and is another judge! So Lindsay just makes zero sense. And it took absolutely no time at all to notice this was a bad choice.

Looks like the gamble paid off, intentionally or not. People are definitely going to tune in to Masked Singer Australiabut not because Lindsay is a famous draw, but because watching her try to fake her way through a work day is hilarious to the Australian public. You can’t buy this kind of promo:

Time to get Xanax on Masked Singer Australia‘s tracklist, because it ain’t gonna get promo from anywhere else.

Pic: YouTube

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