Category: Dick Pics

The Saudi Government Denies That Their Crown Prince Stole Jeff Bezos’ Dick Pics

January 22, 2020 / Posted by:

If Jeff Bezos’ life was a rainy day board game, it would probably be Monopoly, but the kind of Monopoly where one person plays dirty, buys all the properties and utilities, and starts bankrupting everyone else on the board. However, over the past year he’s been playing his own personal game of Clue, and the mystery he’s trying to solve is who stole his dick pics to his alleged mistress from where, and where they might end up. Well, we might know who stole his dick pics. At the very least, we know who is swearing up and down that they don’t have said pictures.

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An A-Lister With #MeToo Allegations Shared A Dick Pic With Some LA Area Swingers

December 12, 2019 / Posted by:

Here’s good old fashioned blind item for you that involves an A-lister’s erect penis in search of multiple sex partners. Page Six reports that somebody, whom they consider to be A-list, sent “an extremely graphic picture” to multiple opposite-sex couples online within the LA swingers community, without bothering to conceal his identity. Which fine, swing away, playa. However, it wasn’t the dick that caught people’s attention. It was the fact that this particular dick “has been hit with several #MeToo accusations.” Page Six says they’ve seen the picture but won’t reveal his identity because they are a bastion of integrity and restraint or some shit. Cock teases!

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Open Post: Hosted By Tommy Lee Playing Around With Dick Pics On Instagram

September 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Other than Lenny Kravitz, there is no person who personifies the phrase “rock out with your cock out” better than Tommy Lee. And for good reason. He’s a rocker who’s totally obsessed with dicks, specifically his own. At this point, Tommy’s dick is essentially a 7.5 to 8.1 inch (per leakedmeat.com) extension of his personality. According to Page Six, yesterday Tommy #IgnightedInstagram with a picture of his fat pink hog trying to root for truffles in his wife Brittany Furlan’s mouth. We can thank the Gods of propriety for small blessing though as the image was mercifully pixelated. Tommy claimed it was the result of Instagram giving him his own dick filter.

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Jeff Bezos’ Investigator Thinks The Saudi Arabian Government Is Behind His Dick Pics

April 2, 2019 / Posted by:

The Case of The Dirty Sanchez, just got a little bit shittier. According to CNN, the Saudi Arabian government may have been among the first people to see Jeff Bezos’ dick pic. Gavin de Becker, Jeff’s private dick, has “concluded with high confidence that the Saudis had access to Bezos’ phone, and gained private information” before Michael Sanchez, Jeff’s lover’s gay brother (rolls right off the tongue, dunnit?), allegedly sold said information to The National Enquirer and its parent company, AMI (American Media Company). Somebody needs to bust out the Wet Wipes because this Dirty Sanchez is hella messy.

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Jeff Bezos’ Dick Pics Cost The National Enquirer $200,000

March 19, 2019 / Posted by:

That’s a low ass sum since the gold nut nuggets that Jeff Bezos’ jizzes out are worth twice as much as that.

We already know that Lauren Sanchez’s Trump-loving brother Michael Sanchez is probably the one who sold his sister’s cringeworthy sexts (although, aren’t all sexts cringeworthy?) with Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos to The National Enquirer. But now the Wall Street Journal says that Michael Sanchez did Lauren dirty (just call him Dirty Sanchez) for the price of $200,000. Sure, $200,000 is $200,000, but I’m wondering if Michael Sanchez ever strolled over to the billionaire turtle and said, “So, future-brother-in-law, the Enquirer offered me 200k for those pics of your dick, but my finger could find its way to the delete button if you just so happen to cough a diamond into my palm. I mean that literally, I just watched you cough diamonds into your cashmere handkerchief.”

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Lauren Sanchez’s Pro-Trump Brother Is Probably The Source Of The Leaked Texts Given To The National Enquirer

February 11, 2019 / Posted by:

Well, it turns out Jeff Bezos didn’t accidentally leave his dick pics on the photocopier at work after all. As he suspected, more sinister forces were at work that led to the National Enquirer obtaining private text messages between Jeff and his lovah, Lauren Sanchez, which the Enquirer published. According to a Daily Beast investigation, the person responsible to handing over the goods to the Enquirer was Lauren’s own brother, Trump supporter and Roger Stone’s sometime BFF, Michael Sanchez. Damn. Sometimes, it really do be your own family.

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