The Saudi Government Denies That Their Crown Prince Stole Jeff Bezos’ Dick Pics

January 22, 2020 / Posted by:

If Jeff Bezos’ life was a rainy day board game, it would probably be Monopoly, but the kind of Monopoly where one person plays dirty, buys all the properties and utilities, and starts bankrupting everyone else on the board. However, over the past year he’s been playing his own personal game of Clue, and the mystery he’s trying to solve is who stole his dick pics to his alleged mistress from where, and where they might end up. Well, we might know who stole his dick pics. At the very least, we know who is swearing up and down that they don’t have said pictures.

What we knew about the situation is that the National Enquirer allegedly had Jeff’s nudes, and that they were allegedly using them to blackmail Jeff regarding his alleged affair with his now-girlfriend Lauren Sanchez (he was still married to Mackenzie Bezos at the time). Jeff, who owns The Washington Post, thought that the culprit was Donald Trump, or someone working for Trump. Trump is friendly with the National Enquirer’s parent company AMI, and The Washington Post regularly drags Trump. The National Enquirer’s side of the story was that Lauren is a blabbermouth who was showing Jeff’s dick pics and text messages to everyone.

Jeff hired a private investigator, who believed that the Saudi government was behind the pic theft. The Washington Post was extensively reporting on the death of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Jeff’s PI said that Saudi Arabia’s leadership allegedly wanted Jeff Bezos “harmed, compromised, and silenced.” And the way they planned on silencing him was allegedly to steal his dick pics and threaten to out him as a two-timing cheaterino.

The Guardian is now supporting the theory presented by Jeff’s private investigator, plus a few extra scandalous details. Today they reported that Jeff Bezos’s phone was hacked in 2018 after allegedly receiving a WhatsApp message from the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammad bin Salman. He’s the guy who was allegedly dating Lindsay Lohan last year, and one of the reasons why so many famous people caught shit for accepting a paid vacation to Saudi Arabia last month. Sources who wished to remain anonymous told The Guardian that its believed the message from Mohammad to Jeff contained a malicious file that stole his info. Before the alleged hack, the two were on friendly terms.

Jamal Khashoggi was assassinated in October 2018. Jeff’s phone was allegedly hacked in May 2018, a few months after Jamal began writing for The Washington Post. Jeff was threatened with a leak in January 2019, three months after Jamal was assassinated. I’m no Washington Post journalist, but if I had to guess, I might say someone wanted to grab something incriminating off of Jeff’s phone to keep in their back pocket for when they might need it. The Guardian kind of suggests the same thing – that it seems a little suspicious that Jeff’s phone would be targeted at the time that it was.

The Guardian also says it’s not known how the leaked information found its way into the hands of the National Enquirer. But not for nothing, Donald Trump is a big fan of Mohammad bin Salman.

The UN released a statement regarding The Guardian’s report, and they want to see this situation investigated further:

“The information we have received suggests the possible involvement of the Crown Prince in surveillance of Mr. Bezos, in an effort to influence, if not silence, The Washington Post’s reporting on Saudi Arabia. We call for an investigation on these claims so that we can have all the facts out.”

The Daily Beast reports that the Saudi Arabian government has responded by denying the allegations that anything illegal or shady happened on WhatsApp.

As for what allegedly caused all this in the first place, The Daily Beast says the text that snatched Jeff’s dick pics was a picture meme featuring the following joke: “Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License agreement. In the end you have to ignore everything and click I agree.” How very off-brand for Jeff. Jeff Bezos’ scammed with a text saying CLICK HERE FOR A FREE $100 AMAZON GIFT CARD, not the kind of meme that has already been around the block twice on the Facebook pages of everyone’s middle-aged uncle. That sounds like more of a Mark Zuckerberg thing.


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