Category: Dancing With The Has-Beens
Carole Baskin Might Be In The New Season Of “Dancing With The Stars”
The new season of Dancing with the Stars will start on September 14, so it’s about that time to start hearing about who may do the social distance salsa for a check. We already know that Tyra Banks is the new host and executive producer after both Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews were told to do the GTFO shuffle out the door. Sources are now talking to E! News about the casting of the 29th season (!!!) and there are a few potential “stars” including accused husband murderer Carole Baskin who got famous from Netflix’s Tiger King docu-series. You know Joe Exotic is fuming from prison because he wanted to be the one to shake his ass in sequins for money and camera time. But hopefully, Carole uses the opportunity to bury the hatchet with Cardi B by performing a waltz to WAP.
Sean Spicer Is Finally Off “Dancing With The Stars”
Pour one out for Sean Spicer as the lying former mouthpiece for the President of the United States has finally been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Poor guy, but lucky for him that he’s got Karamo Brown to give him a best friend shoulder to cry on.
Carrie Ann Inaba Says It’s “Frustrating” That Sean Spicer Is Still On “Dancing With The Stars”
Sean Spicer, seen above living in Mike Pence’s nightmare (or wet dream depending on who you ask) by being surrounded by seamen, is still on Dancing with the Stars even though he’s at good at dancing as he is at telling the truth. And it’s pissing off at least one person (and probably more), judge Carrie Ann Inaba. Carrie Ann is pissed at the fact that Sean Spicer, despite his full lack of charisma, chin, or ability to dance, is somehow still being voted through. Those Russian bots: First they give Donald Trump the Presidency, now they’re going to get Sean Spicer the mirrorball trophy!
Karamo Brown Deletes Twitter After Backlash For Defending Sean Spicer On “Dancing With The Stars”
Karamo Brown really did not think it through before he defended Sean Spicer–noted liar and former press secretary for the Chosen One Donald Trump. While Sean really appreciated the support at normalizing a divisive political agent appearing on a dancing competition as though he’s an entertainment celebrity, Karamo is not really feeling any of the benefits of being nice to Spicey. Which is weird, because doesn’t being overly polite–even to those who don’t deserve it–always lead to positive results? It doesn’t?! Oof, don’t tell my fellow Canadians…
ABC Confirms They Made A Pact With The Devil By Announcing “Dancing With The Stars Junior”
ABC held its upfronts presentation (more like “upchuck presentation“) in NYC today and they announced all sorts of shit that’s got people asking, “Whyyyyyy?!” ABC confirmed that they’re dragging American Idol’s still cold body out if its grave next year. They also confirmed the Roseanne revival (the entire cast is back including Sarah Chalke who will play a different role) and they announced that they’re getting into the live musical game by doing The Little Mermaid Live this October (ABC’s offices should block Lindsay Lohan’s cell number because she’ll be burning up their phones now).
But the news that really made me cringe and also made all of the Pimp Mama Krises out there explode with glee is that ABC will air a kid version of Dancing with the Stars. ABC’s Dancing with the Stars Junior will pair child stars and the children of celebrities with junior pro dancers and they’ll do choreographed routines in front of a panel of judges. Every day we stray further from God’s light and get closer to HELL!
Mischa Barton Couldn’t Wait To Be Put Out Of Her Misery On “Dancing With The Stars”
Since we’ve already brought you one traumatic tale of the trials and tribulations of a bright shining A-lister in the universe, I’ll bring you another one.
Mischa Barton was the second one knocked out of the 22nd season of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases and just like the viewers who watched her attempts at dancing, she screamed out a hallelujah after she was told to jazz walk off the plank. Mischa always looks miserable in the mug, but on DWTS, she really had DMV face (the face you make while waiting at the DMV) and a wet branch has better dancing skills than her. On DWTS, Mischa’s facial expressions were set to “Kristen Stewart taking a shower,” and on the inside she was “Kristen Stewart taking a looong shower.” It was agony for her and she hated every kick ball change.