Category: CROCS Are Evil

Open Post: Hosted By The Unholy Union Of KFC And Crocs

February 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Just when you thought that Crocs couldn’t get any more attractive and fashionable, and really make you look like sex on rubber, they found a way to really prove you wrong. For those of you who love Crocs and love KFC chicken, here’s a deliciously gorgeous way to show off your infatuation…. as you get your ass (or in this case, feet) attacked by random dogs and flies.

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Kanye West Has More Shoes For Us, And Yes They’re Hideous, But Hey! At Least They’re Eco-Friendly?

November 12, 2019 / Posted by:

In Please-Stop-Giving-This-Man-Money News: Kanye West has revealed his new shoes and they are atrocious. They look like what a Lego Bionicle wears on it’s feet. Lego, I think you have a lawsuit here. I mean, what else could we really expect from the man who brought us his house slippers/sandals/mandatory prisonwear? His new “eco-friendly” Yeezys are here and they are created from algae. Which is good, cause when these get burned for being ugly it won’t hurt the environment, right?

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Open Post: Hosted By Kanye West’s Prison Crocs-Looking Yeezy Slides For Kids 

October 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Kanye West has terrible style. This isn’t an opinion. It’s a statement of fact for anyone with working vision. Kanye’s krap isn’t just blatantly plagiarized, it’s actually so confusingly bad and overpriced you really have to question the sanity of anyone who thinks that dully-colored basics with a buckle or a tear or a puffed sleeve are FASHUN.

Kanye is truly continuing his trend of being the man who designs for the person who wants to dress like the human race was enslaved by aliens, and he’s come up with his latest bland creation of non-design: Yeezy Slides for kids.

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Open Post: Hosted By Fingerless Croc Gloves

August 6, 2019 / Posted by:

That guttural, anguished scream of abject disgust that woke you up out of a dead sleep this morning was not a dream. That shit was real as fuck and it came from Michael K’s house when he opened his web browswer this morning and saw the fuckery afoot at the hands of YouTuber Matt Benedetto. You see, Matt decided to play god, satan, and Dr. Frankenstein all at once by creating a pair of fingerless gloves out of a pair of Crocs. In addition to the obvious question of, “Why, god, why?”, the Croc glove also leaves one wondering if there is actually any order to the universe, or if we really are just a planet full of gaseous meat sacs bumping around and making an absolute mess out of things with our hubris and undeserved opposable thumbs.

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Open Post: Hosted By OH GOD WHY?!!!?

May 1, 2019 / Posted by:

First of all, thanks to all who sent me good thoughts for my eyeball surgery, but I’m going to need you to reschedule those good thoughts for two weeks from now. Because the surgery didn’t happen. They prepped my eyeball and got me under that laser machine, but it refused to cooperate and work. Bitch was like, “I’m not touching that nasty piece of trash’s eyeball.” The worst part, though, was when I got hit with a wave of NOs after asking if I still get some pain killers even though I didn’t have the surgery. I needed them too, because my eyeballs were later hit with something a million times worse than surgery: CROCS FANNY PACKS. If you can hear over the sound of my heaving, you’ll hear the demons of Hell clapping as Satan takes a bow for outdoing himself.

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Post Malone Designed A Pair Of Crocs, And They’re Already Sold Out

November 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Crocs, America’s unofficial shoe of screaming theme park moms and kids with permanent fruit punch mouth. They don’t need celebrity endorsements, because they really sell themselves. What are you going to wear when you’re screaming at your kid that they’ve had enough red juice? But they continue to pay famous people, possibly in hopes that someone will make Crocs seem cool. As it turns out, Crocs found that person in a human that looks a tattooed Fozzie Bear, and he’s done a good job of selling them.

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