Hot Slut Of The Day!
Jason Momoa’s Golden Globes Tank Top!
The 2019 awards season belonged to Jason Momoa’s custom-made pink velvet Fendi scrunchie of elegance, and it’s looking like the 2020 awards season belongs to Jason Momoa’s formalwear tank top. Now, normally I might get the slight heaves over pit hair dangling near my meal as I’m trying to eat (I know, I’m turning into such a prude in my old age), but if the pit hair belonged to Jason Momoa, I’d pray for a strong wind or a fart (I’m not picky) to knock a loose pit hair into my food so I could eat it up. Those around Jason Momoa at last night’s GGs may have been praying for the same thing when he got all the way comfortable by taking off his velvet blazer and airing out his pits.
Who Is December’s Hot Slut Of The Month?
This Hot Slut of the Month showdown is coming to you early, and it’s going to be a quick one, because we have to get to crowning our Hot Slut of 2019 before we either drown in World War III memes or end up on Mars after stowaway-ing on a NASA rocket to get away from this mess of a planet (wait, let me Google “Is there WiFi on Mars?” first). Like we do every damn month, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes, and the fourth is a wild card picked by me. Your choices for December are:
The Peloton Wife, whose saga we all know by heart by now.
The Santa Raccoon, the pet raccoon from Russia whose human put ’em in a Santa suit to take them grocery shopping just days before Christmas. In that screen shot, the raccoon is looking at the Peloton Wife like, “I’m a pet raccoon who is being forced to do Santa drag and go shopping days before Christmas, and even I feel sorry for your ass.”
Celine Dion’s Phoenix Shoes, the gorgeously exquisite heels that a Canadian designer made just for the Queen of Canada and are supposed to be a rising phoenix but look more like the “non-meat” chicken I’d serve to my vegan sister.
Ben Franklin, the mastermind criminal dog who pretended to be a therapist to get a job at the police department so he could steal toys from the toy drive during the holidays. Can’t wait for his Netflix true crime dogumentary.
Voting is below! The winning HSOTM will be named on Tuesday (January 7) and that’s when we’ll begin our journey to find our next HSOTY deity!
https://poll.fm/10485899
Pics: Peloton, YouTube, Instagram, Boston 25 News
Matt Lauer Was Spotted With His New Girlfriend
Matt Lauer ended the decade as NBC’s most notorious morning TV creep (much to Matt’s shock and confusion). He’s unemployed. His friends and former co-workers allegedly want nothing to do with him. His ex-wife grabbed $20 million and a horse farm on her way out. He’s been accused of everything from inappropriate dildo-gifting to workplace rape. But it’s not all grey skies for Matt. Us Weekly says that Matt recently took a holiday with his new girlfriend.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
The beyond elegant red high-heeled shoe phone from the 1980s!
If I visited the home of someone who lived in a studio apartment without electricity or hot water and an eviction notice on the door, BUT they had a French princess phone, I’d assume that they were about to serve me non-burned champagne and Petrossian Beluga caviar before their chauffeur Giles drove us in a Rolls Royce Phantom to their private jet that whisked off to the South of France to lounge on a yacht. The French princess phone is the epitome of opulence and class. And second to that is another phone that’s so classy that I’m surprised it wasn’t sitting on THE QUEEN’s desk during her Christmas Day speech (THE QUEEN probably wanted to look like a regular and knew that phone would make her look TOO upper class). I’m talking about the stunningly exquisite red high-heeled shoe phone!
Rose McGowan Says That Someone Is Threatening To Release A Sex Tape Of Her
Rose McGowan should be spending her time stretching and learning some new moves in preparation to do The Hully Gully (yes, I said The Hully Gully) to Kool & The Gang’s Celebration next year if Harvey Weinstein overtakes a cell toilet clogged with Honey Buns-infused hard shits as the nastiest thing in a prison by being found guilty of being predatory trash. But instead of doing that, Rose is dealing with some betrayal². Rose says that someone is threatening to release a sex tape co-starring her, and she is also erasing and sage-ing her life of her ex-partner for allegedly conning her.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Flipflash!
Sure, nowadays the flash is built into our iPhones and it’s bright and strong that it could light the leg of a crab clinging to our pube as we take a dick pic for our Grindr tricks in the dark. But that iPhone flash could never take down the Flipflash in the glamour department, because the Flipflash was like opulent jewelry for your camera!