Disappointment is the feeling you get when you see pictures of Mimi on the slopes and she’s not wearing rhinestone-encrusted, pink high-heeled ski boots – Lainey Gossip

“Say hello to your nipple for me” said Marky Mark to his wife while this picture was taken – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

George Clooney is squidgy and has gross skin, so says Bellybutton CabbagePatchDoll – Celebitchy

Finally, we get to hear Ashley Abbott’s feelings about the Brandi AnalGlanville vs. Lisa Vanderpump feud – Reality Tea

The real-life Mark Schultz suddenly hates Foxcatcher – Towleroad

Bono may never be able to play the guitar again. To which I say, Bono used to play guitar?! – Gawker

The nerds weep today, because Dr. Carol from Star Trek Into Darkness is married – The Superficial

Heidi Klum and her Spuds MacKenzie-looking ass piece are still in the Caribbean and they’re still rubbing their parts all over each other – WWTDD

Josh Groban and Kat Dennings are still a thing and still random’s favorite couple – Popoholic

Taylor Swift once again wants you to know that she’s a saint of generosity and really loves her fans – Hollywood Tuna

MAN ASS. The end. – OMG Blog

And on today’s episode of “Where In The World Are Jay-Z And Beyonce Spending Their Zillions?” – Popsugar

Tara Reid looking like fried pork in a dumpling wrapper – SOW

Instagram’s out-of-touch grandma: Madonna still is – HuffPo

Certified asshole Terrence Howard is going to be somebody’s father again and the good news is that he doesn’t have to run out and buy baby wipes since I’m sure he has plenty of those at home – Just Jared

BREAKING: Actor who wants people to pay to see his movie says good things about his movie – ICYDK

Mario Cuomo has died – Boy Culture

I’m quitting this bitch a little earlier today, because I’m going to spend some quality time with my family. Sometimes nothing will lead you to guzzling down an entire bottle of anything mind-numbing like spending a lot of time with your family and one of my New Year’s resolutions is to cut back on booze. (“We love you too.” – my family while throwing themselves into a pool of vodka) So yeah, I’ll break the fuck out of that resolution in 3..2….GULP. So for now, I leave you with these gorgeous and understated pictures of celestial queen Bai Ling getting topless and oozing out drops of pure grace at a New Year’s Eve party in L.A. If Bai Ling pulled these “comatose porn star” poses at a mosque, they wouldn’t condemn her the way they condemned amateur attention whore Selena Gomez. They’d worship her for the goddess that she is (no, no, they wouldn’t).

We can all breath out a million sighs of relief, because when it comes to Bai Ling, 2015 will be just like 2014, 2013, 2012 and so and so on. She’s going to spend the entire year giving us more paparazzi pictures of her looking like a horny cat on downers while flashing her legendary nipples. Thank all the Gods for Bai Ling.

Pics: Wenn.com

Georgette the Poodle’s less-fun human equivalent Gwyneth Paltrow is once again back to inform us ignorant dum-dums on a subject Gwyneth is clearly very knowledgeable about: MEAN GIRLS. And no, not the movie (I bet Goopy’s interpretation of Mean Girls would be that it’s a movie about a beautiful wealthy popular girl named Regina George who is relentlessly bullied by a bunch of jealous haters). Gwyneth already covered the topic of women being mean to other women once already this week in Harper’s Bazaar UK, but I guess she had more to say, because now she’s talking about mean bitches being mean bitches to Gwyneth Paltrow in the February issue of Marie Claire.

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The world is less glamorous today, because Donna Douglas, who played glamorous pinup tomboy Elly May Clampett on The Beverly Hillbillies, died yesterday morning at her home in Louisiana. She was 81.

Donna Douglas was born in Pride, LA and lived in Zachary, LA. Her granddaughter confirmed to TMZ that she died while surrounded by her family. Her granddaughter didn’t say what she died of, but Max Baer Jr., who played Jethro on The Beverly Hillbillies, told Good Hollywood that she’s been battling pancreatic cancer for the last 4 months.

Donna played Elly May for the entire run of The Beverly Hillbillies from 1962 to 1971. She put her luxurious peroxide mop back into pigtails in 1981 for the made-for-TV reunion movie. Before The Beverly Hillbillies, she was on a bunch of TV shows including the legendary Twilight Zone episode “Eye of the Beholder.” After The Beverly Hillbillies, she got her California real estate license and sold houses for a bit. She also wrote a children’s book and spoke at churches across the country.

Donna also never stopped bringing the blonde glamour and her A++ eyebrow situation never wavered. Here’s Donna at the TV Land Awards in 2004:

Rest in peace, Donna. You are now in heaven, giving love to the raccoon angels.

By the way, that screen shot is the moment when Al Roker sharted during their interview.

When Amy Adams made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about the Sony hacking scandal and eventually said she’d spit out a “no comment” if asked about it, the Today show producers canceled her interview and showed her ass the exit door. But the saintly ass-kissing producers know not to do that to the most powerful deity in the world, St. Angie Jolie, because if they pulled that shit with her, Today would be canceled and the producers would be lucky to get a job on a public access morning show in Lost Springs, Wyoming.

Angie spent a piece of her New Year’s doing an interview with Today’s Al Roker and when he asked her about being bashed by Scott Rudin in those hacked emails, she had zero comment. I guess she figured that she doesn’t need to talk about it since she’s already punished Scott Rudin by banishing him to the middle of the desert Sarah-style. But St. Angie did talk about other HIGHLY IMPORTANT shit like being pox’d and her cooking skills:

On her cooking skills: I would love to think of myself as the classic mom at home. I’m one of those people that I’ll learn some random, exotic meal from… I can do a really interesting Afghan dish with eggplant, but I don’t know how to make basic spaghetti. I’m just that person.

On directing Brad Pitt in their own Eyes Wide Shut called By The Sea: It was great. You get nervous because you love somebody and you want to help them. As a director, you want to help your actor. As a wife, you really want to help your husband. You want everything to be right for them. But if you work with the person you love and trust most in this world, it’s pretty great.

On getting chickenpox: It was so absurd. What was even stranger, during the day before, I was doing interviews and I was like, “What is happening?!” It was really fun that my kids took the mantle. They took it very seriously when I said, “You’ve got to represent mom.”

On not getting any Golden Globe nominations for Unbroken: We’ve had some lovely responses and lovely accolades, but nothing beats the audience responding to it. When you make this kind of film, all the other stuff is wonderful, but it really means nothing if the audience doesn’t connect to it. Because this film is made for them. That would’ve been heartbreaking for us if we didn’t connect to the audience, so we’re over the moon.

Leave it to St. Angie Jolie to commit the first “Over the Moon” violation of 2015. She just had to drag that shit into the new year. She should be punished for that one. But then again she was already punished by getting Al Roker as her interviewer. Not Hoda, not Tamron, not Willie, not Natalie and not even Savannah. Angie got the weather guy. I guess it could’ve been worse, though. She could’ve gotten the douchebag full of lukewarm smugness that is Matt Lauer.

While most of us were celebrating New Years Eve cleaning someone else’s vomit off our shirts (dear everyone I threw up on Wednesday night: I’m sorry, your muffin basket is in the mail), Zoe Saldana was doing the same thing, except she knew where the vomit was coming from and it probably didn’t smell like champagne mixed with Swiss Chalet dipping sauce (again, sorry everyone). Back in December, there were whispers that Zoe Saldana had finally pushed out the twin babies living inside her, but Zoe had no comment, which either meant the whisper was a lie and they were still living inside her, or she just didn’t want to talk about it. Either way, she’s finally ready to talk about the babies she made with her hot human vintage store of a husband Marco Perego.

This morning, Zoe introduced us to her babies (sort of) by Instagramming a picture of her “first meal of 2015”, followed by a close-up of the baby bottles that accompanied her cheese plate with the caption:

“Our boys CY and BOWIE are finally here. #marcoperego and I wanted to thank you for your beautiful wishes and for your patience.“

She doesn’t specify when they were born, but she did tell us what she named them, and that’s all that matters to me. I had a feeling they were going to go with some thing from the Hipster Guide to Too-Cool Baby Names, and I see they didn’t let me down: Cy Perego sounds like an old-timey blacksmith from Brooklyn who makes custom metal moustache twirlers, and Bowie Perego sounds like a back-up melodica player for Arcade Fire. And when you put them together, they sound like a small-batch local kombucha bottling company. Good job, you two!

Pic: Twitter