Since The Sound of Music Live! and The Wiz Live! were hits, the live TV musical is so now and everyone’s doing them. Fox’s train wreck shit show (I’m hoping) Grease Live! hasn’t aired yet (that happens on January 31st), but they’ve already announced their next TV musical. The Hollywood Reporter says that around Eastertimes next year, Fox will serve up a big, fat, foolery-glazed ham in the form of a live musical about the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. (“So basically it will be a shitty version of Jesus Christ Superstar?” – everyone)

Tyler Perry will host. I know lying is a sin, so I’m not doing that when I say that I really want to see Madea as Mary Magdalene.

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Jaclyn Smith played Jacqueline Kennedy in a TV movie in the 80s, so I don’t know why Hollywood keeps making movies about her. Nothing can top Jaclyn Smith as Jackie Kennedy! (Truth talk: I never saw it, but I’m sure I’m not wrong.) Stale piece of whole wheat bread crust Minka Kelly, Katie Holmes and Jeanne Tripplehorn have all sort-of recently played Jackie O and now it’s Natalie Portman’s turn.

Refined French lady Natalie Portman is playing Jacqueline Kennedy in Jackie. Jackie follows Jacqueline Kennedy in the few days after President John F. Kennedy’s assassination. Shooting is happening right now in Paris. Pablo Larraín is directing and it also stars Peter Sarsgaard as Robert Kennedy, Greta Gerwig and John Hurt.

Deadline posted the first picture of Natalie as First Lady Jackie, and well, I see Natalie Portman in a flip wig. I will save all of my OUTRAGE for when the teaser trailer comes out, but I already know I’m going to be highly disappointed in this movie. Since this movie takes place in 1963, there will not be a scene where a pissed-off, messy Jackie gets into Marilyn Monroe’s face at a party and says this:

What I’m saying is that there should be a law that states that every Natalie Portman movie must have that line in it.

“Sources” close to Diane Krueger and Norman Reedus’ rep have already screamed out a Kathy Bates GIF about the rumors that she passed her tongue to his mouth while straddling him at a bar in NYC. The story goes that while her man of 9 years Joshua Jackson was traveling through the Philippines, Diane’s tongue traveled to Norman Reedus’ face while she was sitting on his lap at a bar on Friday night. Entertainment Tonight later said that Diane was also seen sitting on Norman’s lap at the TIFF premiere party for their movie Sky last September. Diane is basically always sitting on Norman Reedus’ lap. Kinky bitch has a Santa fetish, I guess.

Joshua isn’t talking about this, but his dad is. Radar called up Joshua’s dad, John Carter Jackson, and got him to spill out some shit about Diane’s alleged roving poon.

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Yesterday in Monaco, a judge handed full custody of Kelly Rutherford’s kids, 9-year-old Hermes and 6 -year-old Helena, to their dad Daniel Giersch and they also ruled that she can’t ever take them out of the country. Kelly’s kids have been living in Monaco with their father for years and from now on, she has to go there to visit with them. Daniel had to leave the US after his visa was revoked when someone in Kelly’s legal team reported his alleged shady business dealings to the State Department. Kelly and her lawyer have been trying to win the right for her to bring her AMERICAN CITIZEN children back to AMERICA where AMERICAN CITIZENS belong, but the judge denied that request. TMZ says that the judge wrote in their ruling that they were afraid she’d Not Without My Daughter them.

As everyone who has been following this disaster of a saga knows, Kelly’s children used to be able to visit her in the US during holidays and the summer, but she fucked that right up a few months ago. Hermes and Helena spent this past summer with Kelly in NYC and when it came time to send them back home to Monaco, she didn’t do it. She refused. Kelly was dragged into a court room in NYC where a judge handed Hermes and Helena over to Daniel’s mom who took them back to Monaco. The judge in Monaco was afraid she’d deliver a sequel to that stunt:

In a written ruling, obtained by TMZ, the judge said there was “a strong risk of the children’s abduction and retention in the United States” — translation, there was a big chance she’d flee with the kids.

Kelly hasn’t released a statement about this yet. I’m guessing that she’s resting her voice and sipping hot water with lemon to prepare her vocal cords for when she and Dan Abrams scream about this wrong shit to the media during their press tour. But Kelly did put this up on Instagram.

@cleowade ❤️🙏

A photo posted by @kellyrutherford on Dec 16, 2015 at 4:34am PST

Kelly has appealed, so you know what they say. It’s not over until the blond actress is arrested and imprisoned for tackling President Obama while begging him to declare war on Monaco in retaliation for this injustice.

Pic: Wenn.com

The name of the vibrator in Babwawawa’s side table isn’t “Selfie,” it’s Bwadwee!

Barbara Walters still does her 10 Most Fascinating People list and everyone on it is usually the direct opposite of fascinating and that includes Bradley Cooper. But now I know why Babwa put B. Coop on her list. She just wanted to let him know in person that she’d fuck him until they were both suffering from severe dehydration, and even then, she’d hook them both up to IVs and fuck on him some more. Those who say that Babwa is no longer the hard-hitting serious journalist she once was need to slather their words with KY and eat them hard. Babwa is still hard-hitting, meaning she wants to hit B. Coop’s ass hard. During their interview, Babwa let B. Coop know that he’s vewwy vewwy scwewable.

Babwa: “I could just sit and stare at you, but that would take too much time. But I, I find you very screwable.”

B. Coop: “Thank you. I think that I’ve grown to stop thinking about it. … But sometimes I feel better than others. Yeah, I think it has a lot to do with feeling comfortable with yourself. And I know that I’m more comfortable with myself than I’ve ever been in my life, so maybe that makes me more attractive.”

Barbara Walters has done a lot in life, but I see that she still has goals and one of those goals is to be a late-in-life beard. Get that contract, Babwa! But really, Barbara Walters has only won one Peabody in her entire career, which is crazy. But I’m sure she’ll get another one for her interview with B. Coop. Because it takes a special gift to make Bradley Cooper melt into a puddle of embarrassment while thinking about how the legendary journalist in front of him wants to sit on his face and wide until she’s waw.

Pics: Wenn.com, ABC

Sandra Lee’s trick to cut the package taste and add lots of that smokey flavor everyone loves. – emeriesan

Upvote winner:

Ash browns. – Texndoc

Pic: Tosh.0