Kelly Rutherford Went On Good Morning America To Talk About That Mess With Her Kids

Because Georgette the poodle from Oliver & Company is all the fancy Upper East Side I need in my life, I have never seen a single episode of Gossip Girl, so I literally only know Kelly Rutherford as the blonde lady who is fighting with her ex-husband over their kids. I’d say that gives me a completely different perspective on this situation, but no – it’s still just a giant ball of drama.

Last week, the blonde lady known as Kelly Rutherford didn’t return her two kids, Hermes and Helena, to their father and her ex-husband Daniel Giersch after a visit, at which point Danny screamed “KIDNAPPER!!!!” and things went all code blue man down. Currently Hermes and Helena, who I’m sure at this point would love to change their names to JanSport and Helen and run the fuck away from both their parents, are back in Monaco with their dad. To make this situation even messier, Kelly made an appearance on Good Morning America yesterday morning to talk about how the government keeps doing her dirty when it comes to her custody agreement. Kelly told Robin Roberts that she’s doing good, her kids are doing good, she’s been able to speak with them, and then she got all Lifetime-y.

“I just feel like their voices have not been heard in a way. I walked into a courtroom where everything felt like it was already done and his mother was sitting there with plane tickets smiling, ready to take them. Nobody had heard our argument. I was accused of things I was not even able to defend. I think kidnapping is where no one knows where the kids really are…the kids were skyping with him every day. I wrote him an email. Nobody had jurisdiction in my country and I was concerned…I talked to my lawyers and they were saying ‘This is concerning on many levels.'”

Then Kelly’s lawyer, Wendy Murphy (whose face was sort of giving me Clifton Hill wax museum interpretation of Lynda Carter vibes) jumped in and gave Nancy Grace a run for her hysterical money by saying this:

“When you’re an American citizen you’re not required to obey a foreign country, especially a foreign country where you have no citizenship… it’s preposterous to think that there was a court order in place that Monaco was commanding them to be arrested… the agreement was back in 2012 the kids were toddlers and Kelly was ordered to send [them] to Monaco temporarily. The children’s father and Kelly and the court agreed that it would be a temporary stay while the father got a US visa…and for three years he did nothing.

The father agreed and the children were told you’re not staying here…he violated an American court order and the saddest part is no American court seems to give a damn.”

Wendy Murphy then threw on a pink sweater vest, clenched her fists, and shrieked “Won’t somebody PLEEEEASE think of the children?!?!” She didn’t, but don’t tell me you didn’t picture her doing that the second the cameras cut away. Wendy Murphy may be my new favorite famous-adjacent celebrity lawyer (sorry Mark Heller).

You can watch the whole interview here, if that’s really how you want to spend a portion of your Saturday.

I have watched that interview at least three times already (pray 4 my brain) and …I’m still so confused. Who is to blame again? Daniel? Monaco? ‘Murrica? I know Kelly wants to get her ~story~ out (working title: Upper East Sad), but it would be so much easier to understand if Kelly used finger puppets. Complicated explanations are always easier with finger puppets.