On Wednesday, we learned about a 26-year-old dude from New York named Mario Licato who took a fist to the face in the subway by a random stranger simply for looking like Shia LaBeouf. Getting punched by a stranger is no joke, especially when it happens in the subway, because ew, gross. Imagine trying to find something in the subway to clean off the blood? “Let’s see, piss-soaked sock, newspaper tented over a poop, rat king made of runaway hair extensions. Hmmm…I guess try to tear me off a piece of newspaper that hasn’t touched the poop?”

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Although to be fair, when you have a lot of friends and a lot of ex-boyfriends, it’s probably bound to happen sooner or later. Last night was Gigi Hadid’s 21st birthday, and because Gigi is famous, it’s not exactly a surprise that her party was packed with famous people. The most important of which was Gigi’s squad leader, Taylor Swift. I say “important“, because unless you want to find your ass on the other side of a “Bad Blood“-style song, the first birthday party invitation you send out is to Taylor.

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So that’s what Backdoor Farrah means when she refers to her fans. – Shadeball

Upvote winner:

Looks like the clit’s about to hit the fan. – Mary Queen of THOTs

Pic: Dildo Drone

Ezekiel Elliott, football player and more importantly, a modern day dandy who is trying to bring the midriff-on-dudes look back!

Something called the “NFL Draft” went down yesterday, and Ezekiel Elliott, a 20-year-old running back from Ohio State, was the first and only draft of my heart when he showed up dressed like Agador the houseboy from The Birdcage going to a formal Easter Day tea dance. That pucker-inducing ensemble is something Kelly Kapowski would design if she designed a line of church clothes for Brooks Brothers affordable line called Brooks Step-Brothers. If someone took a Southern toddler’s christening reception suit and blew up every piece except for the shirt into an adult size, it would look like the sharp-as-fuck outfit that Ezekiel wore to NFL Draft Day.

With that being said, Ezekiel’s look is not perfect. Dude spent approximately 13 hours (I’m underestimating) meticulously perfecting his flatline hairline with help from a ruler and a steady hand, and yet he just sloppily turned his shirt into a crop top by tucking it under. But the thought is there! And that isn’t the first time that the proud graduate of Billy Joel’s School of Driving has worked the crop top look:

Ezekiel was drafted fourth and now he’s a member of the Dallas Cowboys. And thanks to that development, I’m sure the Cowboys cheerleaders are going to get new uniforms next season and I’m sure those uniforms will completely cover up their midriffs. Because they know that their new running back is going to work the midriff look better than they ever could. Show’ em, Ezekiel!

Pics: Getty, AP

Michelle Pfeiffer (58)
Foxes (27)
Crystal Harris (30)
Amy Heidemann (30)
Jay Cutler (33)
Tyler Labine (38)
Derek Mears (44)
Andre Agassi (46)
Uma Thurman (46)
Paul Adelstein (47)
Carnie Wilson (48)
Master P (49)
Eve Plumb (58)
Daniel Day-Lewis (59)
Kate Mulgrew (61)
Leslie Jordan (61)
Jerry Seinfeld (62)
Nora Dunn (64)
Anita Dobson (67)
Richard Kline (72)
Willie Nelson (83)

Pic: PfeifferTheFace/Greg Gorman

Jake Gyllenhaal shaved off his beard to play Boston bombing survivor Jeff Gauman and yeah, he looks younger in the face, but I’m more into that mop on his head. Jake should always keep at least one box of Ogilvie home perm in his bathroom cabinet, because that body wave and those curling iron bangs have given him his hottest look yet! – Lainey Gossip 

Republican sweetheart Caitlyn Jenner took Donald Trump up on his offer to piss in the ladies bathroom at Trump Tower – Celebitchy

Pamela Anderson filmed her cameo for the Baywatch movie, and sadly it doesn’t seem like she slipped into her old red bathing suit to show those young hos how it’s really done – Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Simpson can’t even spell “Budget,” but she’s doing commercials for them now – The Superficial 

Speaking of tricks getting richer, Steven Spielberg got richer – The Berry 

Brandi Glanville and that Road Rules dude are done, and she says she went out with her Uber driver. And by “went out” I’m sure she meant she fucked him quick in the backseat  – Reality Tea 

What a delicious and beautiful cock ring – Egotastic!

Thor does go topless (sort of) in the new Ghostbusters movie, after all – Towleroad

Jenna Dewan’s top probably cost $1,200, but someone should tell her that she can probably haggle herself one just like it for $10 in Tijuana   – Popoholic

Mads Mikkelsen plays a daddy in Star Wars: Rogue One – Pajiba

Okay, so here’s Zac Efron getting butt fucked by a bottle and a zombie dog – OMG Blog

Why does this Bella Thorne Snapchat picture look like the start of a gang bang porn? – Hollywood Tuna 

Sara Ramirez is probably done with Grey’s Anatomy – Just Jared

Prince may have died from a drug overdose and investigators are now looking into it – HuffPo

And onto some happy news, here’s Skippy the naked lamb modeling a hot wool cape –  SOW

Pimp Mama Kris shat on her main hos in a scene from their shit show that is so natural and totally not scripted – Popsugar

Pic: FameFlynet