Lauryn Hill Is Still The Queen Of Who Gives A Shit

February 16, 2016 / Posted by:

RiRi wasn’t the only one who pressed the stop button on her Grammys performance before it even started. Lauryn Hill did too. But while RiRi blamed bronchitis (uh huh, more like weedthroatitis) for keeping her down, Lauryn Hill blamed miscommunication. The miscommunication being that nobody told the Grammy people that Lauryn Hill is as unpredictable as a cokehead’s cum shot. Sometime it shows up right away and you’re surprised, and other times you jerk the peen for hours and it still doesn’t show up.

According to Recording Academy president Neil Portnow, Lauryn was supposed to perform with auto-correct’s enemy The Weeknd during the Grammys last night. But when he took the stage, Lauryn was nowhere on it. Lauryn’s duet with The Weeknd was supposed to be a surprise, but it wasn’t much a surprise since a picture of them rehearsing together leaked yesterday morning.

Lauryn’s rep said in a statement to Rolling Stone that the Grammys were wrong for announcing she was going to perform because she was never confirmed:

“The Grammys announced a performance by Ms. Lauryn Hill prematurely and without approval. Ms. Hill had concerts all weekend, leaving no time to prepare, and was uncertain she would even be able to make it to LA in time to rehearse for the event, Any performance that could have happened was never confirmed, and should not have been advertised as such. Ms. Hill was invited to do a collaboration with an artist she appreciates. The performance was intended to be a surprise and unfortunately due to its last minute nature, was unable to come to fruition.”

But Neil Portnow pretty much said that statement should run for president since it’s made of lies and delusional. Neil said that Lauryn missed earlier rehearsals, but she showed up to yesterday morning’s rehearsal and didn’t make it back in time to perform:

“None of that statement is accurate. She was there for it, completed it and left the building. And then she did not get back in time to make the show. I’m sorry, that’s the bottom line. That’s the truth. That’s unfortunate. I guess those things happen.”

I love that verbal shrug at the end.

I can’t side with either of them. The Grammys should know that Lauryn is that relative who hears “show up whenever the hell you damn well please” when you tell them to show up at 3pm sharp. If they really wanted Lauryn there they should’ve done what we do with some of my permanently tardy family members. If they needed here there at 8pm, they should’ve told her that showtime was 4pm. But then again, Lauryn probably would’ve figured out what they were up to and still showed up 12 hours late asking, “Where’s everybody at?”


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