Category: Lauryn Hill

Lauryn Hill Is Going On Tour For The 20th Anniversary Of “Miseducation” 

April 18, 2018 / Posted by:

Whenever I think of tax evasion pioneer Lauryn Hill I’m immediately reminded of Thanksgiving 1998 when me and my cousin were in my old blue Jeep house hopping and racking up plates like we were Shaggy and Scooby. During that ride, Lauryn’s classic masterpiece The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill provided the soundtrack for that day, and many days to come after that. Well, everyone listen up!! It’s been 20 years since Miseducation was released, and to commemorate the occasion Ms. Hill is embarking on a multicity tour beginning this summer.

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Lauryn Hill Was Hit With A Tax Lien Of Nearly $500,000

July 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Poor Tori Spelling. I’m sure she was overjoyed with the attention her $260,000 tax lien had gotten her last week. But sadly for her, we’ve moved on to a much larger tax lien given to someone with a much messier financial situation. The New York Daily News says that Lauryn Hill is in tax trouble with the state of New Jersey, and she owes a whole lot of money in unpaid taxes. One would think Lauryn would have recognized that the time she went to prison for tax evasion in 2013 was the universe’s way of screaming “Start paying your taxes, Lauryn!“, but that’s not the case.

According to a tax judgement that was filed on June 30th in NJ, Lauryn Hill owes $438,211.00 in back taxes. There’s another open tax lien on Lauryn for $446,387.00, but it’s not known if the two are related in any way. You know you’ve got a reputation for being really bad at paying your taxes when a stranger like me sees those two numbers and assumes one is for 2015 and the other is for 2014. To be fair, that second tax lien could be a typo or a filing mistake or a New Jersey clerk with a background in psychic predictions getting a head start on next year.

As I mentioned above, this is the second time unpaid taxes have come back to bite Lauryn in the ass. Lauryn didn’t pay her taxes from 2005 to 2007 and she owed almost $1 million. When the New Jersey tax man finally caught up to her in 2012, Lauryn claimed she wasn’t paying them as a form of protest. Lauryn hasn’t said anything about her latest showdown with New Jersey, but I do wonder what her reason will be this time? Maybe she’ll recycle her excuse for why she can’t start a show on time. “Your honor, it’s not that I don’t give a shit about paying my taxes; it’s that filing my taxes rarely aligns with my energy. And the times that it has aligned, well, I just don’t want to do it. So you see, my hands are sort of tied here.


Lauryn Hill Explains Why Lauryn Hill Is Late For Everything

May 9, 2016 / Posted by:

In this fast-paced, constantly-changing world we live in, there are still a few things you can count on. The sun will always rise in the east. The struggle will always be real. And if you go to see Lauryn Hill perform, there’s a very good chance she will show up long after she’s scheduled to. And that’s if she shows up at all, of course. The last time we checked in on Lauryn Hill, she had allegedly bailed on performing at the 2016 Grammys. This weekend Lauryn was scheduled to perform a show in Atlanta, GA, and surprise, UsWeekly says she showed up two hours late.

Lauren clearly wasn’t feeling all the impatient types rudely tapping at their pretend wristwatches when she finally did arrive, so she took to Facebook. After the cut is Lauryn’s long-ass open letter where she explains why she doesn’t show up on time. According to Lauryn, it’s not because she stopped giving a shit years ago; it’s because her energy isn’t always synced-up with the time.

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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One: Lauryn Hill Had A Shitty Show In London Last Night

September 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Every time I hear about former Fugees member Lauryn Hill taking a giant messy life shit, all I can think of is Sister Mary Clarence giving her a ‘good god girl, get your shit together’ face. According to The Independent, it all started when Lauryn Hill pulled a Lauryn Hill by showing up to her 8:30pm show at the O2 Brixton Academy last night an hour and a half late. DUH! It takes time to look like an Amish Project Runway Diana Ross.

Sensing that the crowd was starting to get impatient waiting for the elusive tax-paying chanteuse to arrive, Lauryn’s warm-up DJ Tieks decided to hype up the crowd by asking if any of them were from the West Coast…of America. A gesture that made no goddamned sense to the UK audience:

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Lauryn Hill Is Out Of The Chokey!

October 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Not Wite-Out nails again…. In the voice of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford: NO MORE WITE-OUT NAILS!!! Painting your nails with Wite-Out is only okay if you’re bored in your cubicle and have already made a choker with a matching cuff out of paper clips. That’s the only time Wite-Out nails are okay. But I’ll give Lauryn Hill a pass since this picture of her Wite-Out nails was taken last year. But I won’t give her a pass for wearing the Mexican dress my mom bought in the late 80s in Tijuana after haggling with an old lady for way too long.

Starting today, Lauryn Hill walks amongst us again. Lauryn spent 3 months in a New Jersey prison for not paying taxes on over $2 million she made from 2005 to 2007. I wish Lauryn would’ve commemorated her sashay out of the prison by releasing a picture of the five dots tattoo her cellmate gave her under her right eye using boot polish and guitar wire. But instead of doing that, Lauryn released a new song, that’s probably off her new album, called “Consumerism.” Lauryn explained her new song to Rolling Stone like this:

Consumerism is part of some material I was trying to finish before I had to come in. We did our best to eek out a mix via verbal and emailed direction, thanks to the crew of surrogate ears on the other side. Letters From Exile is material written from a certain space, in a certain place. I felt the need to discuss the underlying socio-political, cultural paradigm as I saw it. I haven’t been able to watch the news too much recently, so I’m not hip on everything going on. But inspiration of this sort is a kind of news in and of itself, and often times contains an urgency that precedes what happens. I couldn’t imagine it not being relevant. Messages like these I imagine find their audience, or their audience finds them, like water seeking it’s level

And if your ears need it, here it is:

Now that Lauryn is out of prison, she can join in on all the fuckery by releasing a series of 20,000 word open letters to Miley Cyrus.


Lauryn Hill Is Going To Prison For 3 Months For Tax Evasion

May 7, 2013 / Posted by:

Blaming slavery and paying off a huge chuck of her debt to the IRS wasn’t enough to keep Lauryn Hill out of the chokey and she will have to spend time behind a prison cell for not paying taxes on the $1.5 million she made from 2005 to 2007. On top of the three month prison sentence, a judge in Newark, New Jersey also sentenced Lauryn to three months of house arrest and 9 months of supervised release. Expect Lauryn Hill to start begging for coins on Kickstarter, because she also has to pay a $60,000 fine.

Last year, Lauryn pleaded guilty to not paying her taxes from 2005 to 2007 and yesterday was sentencing day. Lauryn reportedly signed a $1 million deal with Sony and took out a loan for $650,000 to pay all the taxes, penalties and interest she owes. AP says that days before her sentencing, Lauryn paid more than $900,000, but the U.S. Attorney’s Office says that she still owes a lot of money for penalties and interest. Before Lauryn’s sentence, she read (and sometimes rapped) a statement where she blamed slavery.

“I am a child of former slaves who had a system imposed on them. I had an economic system imposed on me. I sold 50 million units [and] now I’m up here paying a tax debt. If that’s not likened to slavery, I don’t know what is.”

And Lauryn went on to talk about what happened to her after she left the music industry…

“There were veiled threats, there was blacklisting. I was told, ‘That’s how it goes, it comes with the territory.’ I came to be perceived as a cash cow and not a person. When people capitalize on a persona, they forget there is a person in there.”

The judge wasn’t moved and he told Lauryn to turn herself in by July 8th.

So either one of two things is going to happen by July 8th. Lauryn Hill will check herself into federal prison and she’ll meet her cell mate who is hopefully a serious brown aficionado and will tame her wild eyebrow situation with tweezers (or if they can’t have tweezers, wooden chopsticks). Or Lauryn Hill will escape to Canada and join the anti-Star Whackers league with Randy Quaid.

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