Miss Peach from Clue!

Miss Scarlet and Mrs. White will forever be my favorite Clue characters, but in 1985, Parker Bros. decided to change EVERYTHING by adding a few new tricks to the game and they added my third favorite character. When they released Clue VCR Mystery Game, they added a few new suspects including a Southern belle named Miss Peach. I didn’t know Miss Peach existed until the late 80s when my mom bought me the Clue VCR game at a garage sale. The Clue VCR game brought all the characters to life and you had to watch the scenes in order to play the game. Sometimes I’d just watch the scenes without playing, or I’d play by myself against myself (Forever Alone: The Junior Years).

The picture of Miss Peach above is from Clue Master Detective, which came a little later. But at the 2:50 mark in the video below is actress Mara Flash (who is now a “distinguished” real estate agent in Manhattan) acting for her life as Miss Peach. Julia Roberts should’ve hired Mara Flash as her Southern accent acting coach for Steel Magnolias because this is how a Southern accent is done!

Miss Peach was in a few other Clue games and her last appearance was around 10 years ago. Because Hollywood’s evil work isn’t done until they’ve butchered and shredded every inch of your childhood, there’s been talks of a Clue: The Movie reboot for years. I wouldn’t mind it too much if they included Miss Peach, but then again, they’d probably punch us all in the throat by casting Blake Lively. Ah do declare, why am I even putting that out there?

Fairuza Balk (42)
Tom Daley (22)
Sarah Ramos (25)
Mutya Buena (31)
Gotye (36)
Briana Banks (37)
Noel Fielding (43)
Angelica (44)
Lisa Edelstein (50)
Kevin Shields (53)
Nick Cassavetes (57)
Judge Reinhold (59)
Mr. T (64)
Al Franken (65)
Leo Sayer (68)

Zac Efron is still out there pimping Neighbors 2, and you know, I never noticed how his hair looks like a majestic wave that gold dolphins jump through, or like a lush long-haired guinea pig taking a nap after getting groomed – Lainey Gossip 

Tom Daley wears teeny tiny Speedos because he doesn’t want any peen slips – Instinct Magazine

Ellie Golding and her new Kylie Jenner-approved lips are in Flare Magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Ever since that video of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston dancing like somebody’s drunk parents came out, I’ve been waiting for the tabloids to say that they’re doing it and The National Enquirer didn’t disappoint – Celebitchy

Thank GOD Kim Zolciak put on her restin’ wig and took a vacation from her stressful life of posing in waist trainers on Instagram and boozing in front of Bravo’s cameras – Reality Tea

Tyga found another fame whore who will date him for his money his looks his personality Instagram followers – The Superficial

THE GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD covers Queen – Towleroad

Kylie Jenner’s transformation into Kim Kartrashian 2.0 is pretty much complete now – IDLYITW

John Barrowman demonstrates the dangers of sitting in high heels – SOW

Or if Fox wants more X-Men movies and don’t want to pay Jennifer Lawrence a Mt. Everest-sized mountain of cash, they can bring back the best Mystique Rebecca Romjin! – Pajiba

Jose Canseco’s did the new (and hipster-ized) Playboy – Hollywood Tuna

That falcon is giving better face than professional model Bella Hadid – Popoholic

RIP all these shows – Popsugar

FYI: Kristen Stewart hasn’t dumped Alicia Cargile for a new piece, yet – HuffPo

I know I should think this is cute, but now I’m scared – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

I don’t know what’s better: That awkward picture of Charlize Theron and Sean Penn looking like they would rather be hugging a bitchy grizzly bear who hates intimacy or the reviews for his new movie The Last Face.

There’s a good reason for why it looks like Charlize Theron is awkwardly consoling Sean Penn at a funeral. She kind of is. Sean Penn directed The Last Face, which is about the head of an international aid organization (Charlize Theron) and a relief doctor (Javier Bardem) who fall in love while trying to save the people of Liberia. That movie sounds like forty five layers of NOPE. If I had to choose between watching The Last Face and a Keeping Up with the Kardashians marathon, I’d pre-schedule a confessional with a priest to apologize for the unholy sins I was about to commit and I’d start watching the staged antics of Pimp Mama Kris and her hos. But now I kind of want to see The Last Face after reading some of the reviews.

The Last Farce (typo and it stays) screened at Cannes, and the critics tore it apart, torched its remains and then put the flames out with their piss. They laughed and booed. It’s apparently as steamingly stinky as a reporter’s turd baking on an Arizona front lawn. Indiewire and The Wrap posted a collection of the awful reviews the movie got, but this tweet sums it up:

Is it possible Charlize Theron saw a rough cut of THE LAST FACE and *then* ended things with Sean Penn? I would.

— Guy Lodge (@GuyLodge) May 20, 2016

Sean claims he doesn’t care about the crap reviews, but that sad tomato face he made at his movie’s Cannes premiere said otherwise. And I’m telling myself that in the picture above, Charlize kicked the flame-broiled pickled sausage while he was down by whispering in his ear, “And by the way, I faked it. Every. Single. Time.”

Pics: Getty, Wenn.com

The news reported today that miles upon miles of white foam is covering the ocean off of the coast of Cannes and it’s obviously because everyone squirted out a geyser of crotch nectar when Iggy Pop worked it for the cameras yesterday.

Jennifer Aniston’s hair idol is in Cannes with Jim Jarmusch to promote the Stooges documentary Gimme Danger. At the photo call and screening for the documentary, Iggy gave me danger, sex, intrigue, rage and wet hot finger-sucking hotness. I’m sure there wasn’t a dry down low part left at the festival once Iggy got done posing for the cameras. Anytime anyone is about to pose for the cameras at Cannes, they should be shown these pictures of Iggy so they know exactly how it’s really done. While the likes of Kristen Stewart deliver the soft, cold dick of flip-offs, Iggy Pop delivered several passionate and hard flip-offs for the cameras. If you have the ability to see ghosts in pictures, I’m sure you can see one sitting and spinning on Iggy’s finger.

Iggy licked up the air, treated eyeballs to a taste of his charbroiled pork loin torso and stomped the floor in a pair of Gucci slides. One of Iggy’s legs is apparently longer than the other, which is why one sandal is a Creeper and the other is normal. But watch wannabe bitches copy Iggy’s style by wearing just one Creeper slide and watch their face go splat when they fall while trying to walk. They can’t do it like Iggy. And now I leave you with these tip-moistening pictures that are more effective than KY.

Pics: Wenn.com

I’m sure your first reaction after seeing the words “shit” and “front lawn” was to assume that this happened in Florida, but no, this actually happened in Arizona. I’m pretty sure if this happened in Florida, it would be accompanied by the words “…and then a methed-up gator slipped on it.”

The poo gone wrong story begins with a 33-year-old reporter for local news station KPHO named Jonathan Lowe. Jonathan was covering a story in Goodyear, Arizona on Monday when all of a sudden, his brain received a message from his colon informing him that here was a dump in his butt than needed to come out. Around 3:30pm, a witness claims she saw a man exit the KPHO news van, pick up several papers from the street, casually stroll over to a neighbor’s front lawn, pull down his pants, and proceed to let out a freshly baked booty cake. I wonder if before he did it, he announced “Jonathan Lowe here with some late breaking poos” in his reporter voice?

Once the witness realized what was happening, she called the police. She also didn’t have any trouble ID’ing the alleged poopetrator; the witness recognized that it was the same Jonathan Lowe from television.

According to a police report obtained and published by Jonathan’s now-former employer KPHO, Jonathan greeted the cops when they arrived on the scene and told them he knew what they were there about. Jonathan explained to the cops that the reason why he “took care of business” on someone’s front lawn was because he had been feeling sick and was stuck in the van all day. Sadly, Jonathan’s turds didn’t have to be public; a neighbor told police that if he had knocked on her door, she would have let him use her bathroom.

Jonathan was arrested and charged with public defecation. He was later released with a citation. No word on what happened to the dookie, but I hope other news stations had the decency to blur it out when the inevitable media circus arrived to cover the story. That poor doo doo didn’t ask for all this attention.

Pic: Goodyear Police Department