Open Post: Hosted By Iggy Pop Dropping Tons Of Pure Hotness On Cannes

The news reported today that miles upon miles of white foam is covering the ocean off of the coast of Cannes and it’s obviously because everyone squirted out a geyser of crotch nectar when Iggy Pop worked it for the cameras yesterday.

Jennifer Aniston’s hair idol is in Cannes with Jim Jarmusch to promote the Stooges documentary Gimme Danger. At the photo call and screening for the documentary, Iggy gave me danger, sex, intrigue, rage and wet hot finger-sucking hotness. I’m sure there wasn’t a dry down low part left at the festival once Iggy got done posing for the cameras. Anytime anyone is about to pose for the cameras at Cannes, they should be shown these pictures of Iggy so they know exactly how it’s really done. While the likes of Kristen Stewart deliver the soft, cold dick of flip-offs, Iggy Pop delivered several passionate and hard flip-offs for the cameras. If you have the ability to see ghosts in pictures, I’m sure you can see one sitting and spinning on Iggy’s finger.

Iggy licked up the air, treated eyeballs to a taste of his charbroiled pork loin torso and stomped the floor in a pair of Gucci slides. One of Iggy’s legs is apparently longer than the other, which is why one sandal is a Creeper and the other is normal. But watch wannabe bitches copy Iggy’s style by wearing just one Creeper slide and watch their face go splat when they fall while trying to walk. They can’t do it like Iggy. And now I leave you with these tip-moistening pictures that are more effective than KY.

Pics: Wenn.com

Lindsay Lohan To Play Iggy Pop In A Biopic

Iggy Pop’s brain cell is like a shriveled up contact lens that has been left out on the bathroom counter for several days, but he still has amazing ideas and has proven that he’s the one who should do the casting for The Stooges biopic. That dream headline above is what Iggy Pop hopes to read one day real soon in the pages of Variety or some shit. Me fucking too.

Elijah Wood was supposed to play Iggy in a biopic directed by Jim Jarmusch, but the project has been put on the shelf to collect dust. Iggy tells Australia’s Triple J radio that if it ever gets picked up again, Lindsay Lohan should play him:

“She looks like me, and she’s the only one with enough attitude too. They could tape her boobs up or something. She’s been in jail at the right age and everything, so I think she could do it.”

Personally, I’d rather see Maya Rudolph as Donatella Versace as Iggy Pop, but Lindsay Lohan is still a pretty perfect choice with a dollop of crack cream on top. And there’s no need to strap down her titties since I’m pretty sure Iggy’s are bigger. Unfortunately, LiLo’s year is pretty much booked up with rehab stuff, post-rehab Tweets, rehab stuff again, jail stuff again, rehab stuff again, post-rehab Tweets again, repeat, etc.. etc..

In the meantime, Iggy Pop should slather himself in molten Tang to play Lindsay Lohan, Ali Lohan AND White Oprah in a Lifetime movie on the life and times of the Lohans. It needs to be done.

via Prefix Mag

Charo! Charo! Charo!

It is against my belief system to speak foul about international treasure Charo, so don’t try to trick me into addressing the invisible hand pinching her nose or the family of slugs that have taken shelter inside of her lips. I don’t believe in many things, but I do believe in Charo (and spray cheese and ceiling stars and puppy pee art and Fun Dips and etc…). You can’t break me!

Instead I’m going to celebrate the fact that Charo showed up to a Peta event dressed up like she’s 23 years late for a La Isla Bonita theme party. But if Charo showed up wearing coolats made out of CROCS and a shrug made out of UGGS, I’d still cuchi cuchi at her feet.

And here’s a bunch of hos who got to throw red petals at Charo’s feet last night. In order: Iggy Pop with Nina Alu, Kellan Lutz, Shirley Manson, Lea Michele (either her tampon is falling out or the bitch has to piss), Steve-O, Kelly Osbourne, and Joaquin Phoenix.