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Here’s one for your fap books, sickos. Canada’s finest thespian and Eva Mendes‘s baby daddy, Ryan Gosling was on The Graham Norton Show this past week promoting The Nice Guys, a movie neither myself nor Michael K can make heads or tails of plot wise. I managed to pick up that it’s set in the 70s but that’s about it. While pushing that shit with his co-star Russell Crowe, amongst others, Graham, of course, brought up some story he’s heard about Ryan getting more than he bargained for during a Turkish massage. It’s not going where you think, but kind of.

Graham brings up the incident and Ryan looks a little pissed. Ryan goes on to explain that during a painful sounding massage his mouth got a surprise. No. Stop. It wasn’t that. He says the masseuse’s hairy gut found its way into his mouth while he was grimacing in pain. He blames his tongue doing some investigative work on what was happening on brain instinct:

The tongue goes in to figure it out. My tongue was like ‘what is that?’ It’s a hairy belly!

I know you guys are gonna keep that one locked away and safe for years to come. And I’m also sure some of you have replaced the masseuse with Russell Crowe because hairy belly is interchangeable with him. Please keep your fanfics and accompanying photoshop pictures to yourselves. This is a family website.

It’s still dark times in the aftermath of the world losing its purple angel, Prince. In the words of Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now, is love. What the world doesn’t need is people slinging hateful words at the gems we have left! Prince’s long legacy gave us some of the most precious jewels of glamour, elegance and musical talent. One went up home earlier this year, before Prince, Vanity. But we’ve still got some left. Like Sheila E. Sheila can knock the hell out of the drums and can sing like no one’s business. But that’s not enough for some hateful hos. In this case, we’re talking about Linda Perry. Don’t mess with the Prince family, Linda. Just don’t.

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Hygiene is super important. We’re taught that from a very young age. And we all know just how much hygiene means to Empire star and noted wife beating crazy assgash, Terrence Howard. Terrence is the king of baby wipes so it’s always a bit surprising that someone with such a rabid love of clean asses can have such a messy culo of a life. Adding even more mess will be another butt that will actually need baby wiping. Terrence will be a father for the fifth time.

E! reports that Terrence was on the red carpet for an Empire event in LA on Friday with his on-again-off-again third wife, Mira Pak, and she showed up with a baby bump that hadn’t been introduced to the media yet. Terrence and Mira have a kid together already, Qirin Love Howard, who is about a year old and their marriage has been predictably Terrence-esque. They married in 2013 after about a month of knowing each other, then got divorced shortly after Qirin was born but were still seen together and he called her the love of his life and now there’s another baby. Jesus. He said he took the role of Lucious on Empire because everyone already thinks he’s a grade A asshole, but his love life is at epic proportions of night time soap too.

The last time Terrence and Mira had a baby he introduced us to breast cheese, so I’m sure we’ll get plenty more gorgeous tid bits as the baby mania increases. I told you, spring bring us nothing but allergies and baby news. Questionable parent baby news.

And here’s more of the happy couple and the rest of the Empire cast:

Pics: Wenn

Emily RentACatSuit, from the Blurred Lines video and Gone Girl, recently opened up to The Evening Standard’s ES Magazine about what it’s like being a sexy woman who also has a functioning brain in Hollywood. And she’s not happy. She says “I’m mad,” in the interview, so you know she’s serious.

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It’s dangerous out there! Even for celebrities. Well, especially for celebrities. Just like dryers love to gobble up socks, cars love to make celebrities get into car accidents. Just ask Lindsay Lohan. She will for sure tell you that it is always 100% the car’s fault and not the celebrity’s when a casual drive turns into a game of Twisted Metal. The latest victim of car villainy is Calvin Harris, Taylor Swift‘s boyfriend and notebook doodle obsession. It doesn’t matter that he’s a mega DJ and music person at this point, right?

TMZ is reporting that Calvin got into a pretty serious crash last night in LA. He was in the passenger seat of a Cadillac SUV when a VW Bug driven by a 16-year-old girl crashed into his car. Is it just me or is that the most Taylor Swift accident that could happen to a Taylor Swift boyfriend? A VW Bug. Teens bopping around recklessly. For all we know the driver wasn’t looking because she was busy squealing along to a Tay Tay song.

The accident was pretty bad and one of the passengers in the teen car was ejected from his seat. The driver and the ejectee were also taken to the hospital and the ejectee suffered a broken pelvis.

As for Calvin, he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance after sustaining a serious laceration to his face. Once there, he asked for a private room, because you know he is too famous and his face is too well known to share a room with a regular. Calvin was told they didn’t have any available, so he hopped off the gurney and sashayed away against medical advice. Uh oh. Is there trouble in Sweet Valley High paradise? Why didn’t Taylor immediately get on the phone and buy him an entire hospital floor? This one seems to be sticking so I figured she’d do anything and everything. Unless something has happened between them? And full circle – I smell another song.

Pic: Wenn