Michael J. Fox (55)
Megan Browning (27)
Mae Whitman (28)
Natalie Portman (35)
Matthew Bellamy (38)
Michaela Conlin (38)
Shandi Finnessey (38)
Ed Simons (46)
Tamela Mann (50)
Dorinda Medley (51)
Gloria Reuben (52)
Johnny Depp (53)
Aaron Sorkin (55)
Patricia Cornwell (60)
Dick Vitale (77)
Jackie Mason (85)

Pic: Getty

If Logo made Lifetime-like movies, they would definitely make a movie about Jeremy Jordan trying to rescue his teenage cousin from one of those crazy “pray the gay away” camps – Towleroad

Amanda Seyfried and the dude she may have humped on while he was married are still together and they even voted together, so it must be real love –  Lainey Gossip 

“Eh” is all I can say at this point after seeing pictures of a 97% naked Miley Cyrus posing in front of a dead guy after leaving a chocha room – Drunken Stepfather 

Chloe Sevigny did an interview about beauty and it made her sound almost as vapid as a Kartrashian – Celebitchy

Awww, that’s sweet of Kyle Richards to take one of her niece’s crotch critters on vacation with her – Reality Tea 

Megan Fox IS the new Miss Cleo and the new Cesar Millan rolled up into one plastic package! – The Superficial 

Rita Ora finally settled with Roc Nation and has gone on to another label where she’ll make more music none of us will listen to – Jezebel

Big damn deal, J.K. Simmons could carry that bag with the tip of his eight-pack covered pinky – SOW

I don’t know what in army call girl hell Bella Thorne is wearing, but I do know that it’s every kind of elegant – Hollywood Tuna

Amber Heard is either knocked up with Johnny Depp’s baby and Star actually got it right, or Star is full of shit – IDLYITW

Here’s Chloe Grace Moretz looking like she really has to piss as her camel toe is holding on for dear life – Popoholic

I don’t know why everyone is freaking out over ScarJo playing the lead in Ghost in the Shell. I mean, if you checked on Ancestry.com, you’d probably find that she’s related to Emma Stone in some way and that practically makes her Asian! – Pajiba

When the old Ghostbusters met the new Ghostbusters – HuffPo

Kleptoyonce may have struck again! – Just Jared

Snow White and Prince Charming’s baby is here – Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com

Yesterday, TMZ pulled out a police report from 2009 that showed that Amber Heard was put into handcuffs and arrested for allegedly getting violent on her then-girlfriend Tasya van Ree at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Amber was accused of grabbing and hitting Tasya’s arm. The prosecutors dropped the case and the reason they gave is that Tasya and Amber live in California. Because TMZ’s story made the rounds and many tricks screamed, “See! Amber is a crazy mess who probably beat the poor, little innocent scarf rack called Johnny Depp too,” Tasya slid into Amber’s corner and released a statement to Variety.  Continue reading

Yesterday, Dakota Meyer, the father of Bristol Palin’s five month old daughter Sailor and the guy she dumped five seconds before they were supposed to get married the first time, posted the picture above on his Facebook page. Of course, it didn’t take long for people to notice that Alaska’s abstinence princess was wearing a fancy diamond ring on that finger and start to wonder if they were back together again. It looks like people can stop wondering, because Entertainment Tonight can confirm that they’re more than back together: they’re married.

25-year-old Bristol and 27-year-old Dakota spilled the beans to ET earlier today that they were currently on their honeymoon, which would explain the palm trees. They didn’t say anything about the wedding, like if the bride wore a stunning floor-length camo-print “thong dress“ or if her mother provided the music at the reception. But they did provide this statement:

“Life is full of ups and downs but in the end, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to be. We are so happy to share with loved ones the wonderful news that we got married! Hard work and God’s grace are the foundation of our new life together, and with the love and support of our family we know we can get through anything.”

“Get through anything”? That’s nice, but honestly, what’s left? They’ve already dealt with secret wives, surprise pregnancies, paternity drama, birth certificate drama, and custody fights. The only way I could see their relationship getting any more soap opera-y would be if Bristol were to discover that Dakota is actually just three stray dogs in a trench coat like in that Doritos commercial. I mean, it’s not that insane: crazier things have happened to the Palin family (see: Sarah Palin being chosen as a Vice Presidential nominee). If I were Bristol, I’d be checking Dakota for a tail.

Pic: Facebook

The next time J.K. Simmons gets his usual pepaw order of a heavy carton of caramel squares, he can tell the UPS driver that grandaddy’s got it and carry it into his house himself.

61-year-old J.K. is playing Commissioner Gordon in the Justice League movie and it looks like this ain’t your granny’s Commissioner Gordon. Or maybe it is, because I’m sure many a granny are reaching for the hardy candy-scented KY while looking at J.K. serving up some GILF hotness. Former marine turned actor/trainer Aaron Williamson posted a few pictures on his Instagram of J.K. Simmons’ working out a pair of bulging pepaw arms that are covered in more veins than Madge’s muscly clit. Those arms look like pantyhose stuffed with potatoes, dinner rolls and gummy worms.

Here’s another picture of J.K. making his yam-shaped muscles bigger. I wasn’t planning on working out anytime soon, but now I know I don’t need to since J.K. is getting enough gym time in for all of us.

He's making me look bad. #JKSimmons #AintPlayinNoGames

A photo posted by Aaron Williamson (@aaronvwilliamson) on Apr 30, 2016 at 10:15am PDT

After Buff Grandaddy J.K. finishes shooting Justice League, he can keep that body to do a movie where he plays Santa Claus who goes through a later-in-life crisis and dumps Mrs. Claus for a 20-something elf, trades in his reindeer for a red Corvette and gets a badass flaming candy cane armband tattoo.

And yes, yes I would. I would until one of us broke a hip and it’d probably be me.

This picture of Prince Hot Ginge and Ellie Goulding was taken all the way in 2014, but I can completely tell that she’s thinking to herself, “YES! The tabloids can use this picture of us when my publicist eventually leaks a fake story about how I’m getting with Harry.” Looking like a damn house painter in that outfit. Bitch, go paint a house and let PHG be!

The Sun EXCLUSIVELY reported yesterday that PHG is trying to woo English pop singer Ellie Goulding and that the two have been flirting through text messages the past few weeks. They’ve been friends for a while and got close when Ellie was the wedding singer at Duchess Kate and Prince William’s royal nuptials. And at the Audi Polo Challenge last month, Ellie and PHG supposedly got caught by an onlooker kissing under a blanket.  Presenting this work of fiction:

“It turned into a real party late into the night and there was a complete ban on taking pictures so Harry and the other celebrities there could feel comfortable. Harry was really going for it after the polo – he was drinking and dancing. They were part of a wider group including Tom Hardy. But Harry and Ellie only had eyes for each other all night – they spent a lot of time sitting together under blankets. They were seen having a kiss before Harry had to go because he was playing polo the next day. Ellie left about five minutes later.

Harry was overheard on the way out telling some friends how much he liked her. But there’s already a lot of talk amongst friends that the palace wouldn’t allow her as a serious girlfriend because of her celebrity background.”

Let me guess… The blanket was made out of unicorn fur, PHG gave Ellie a promise ring made out of fairy hair and they left together in an invisible carriage pulled by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and a baby T-Rex in a tutu. But really, who hasn’t been caught by an “onlooker” humping on PHG under a blanket? I know I have, only the “onlooker” turned out to be my dog and I wasn’t humping on PHG under a blanket. I was just crying about my loneliness under a duvet.

And here’s PHG practicing his fisting skills at the Double Jab Boxing Club in London two days ago:

Pics: Getty, Splash