Nice Try, Ellie Goulding’s Publicist!

This picture of Prince Hot Ginge and Ellie Goulding was taken all the way in 2014, but I can completely tell that she’s thinking to herself, “YES! The tabloids can use this picture of us when my publicist eventually leaks a fake story about how I’m getting with Harry.” Looking like a damn house painter in that outfit. Bitch, go paint a house and let PHG be!

The Sun EXCLUSIVELY reported yesterday that PHG is trying to woo English pop singer Ellie Goulding and that the two have been flirting through text messages the past few weeks. They’ve been friends for a while and got close when Ellie was the wedding singer at Duchess Kate and Prince William’s royal nuptials. And at the Audi Polo Challenge last month, Ellie and PHG supposedly got caught by an onlooker kissing under a blanket.  Presenting this work of fiction:

“It turned into a real party late into the night and there was a complete ban on taking pictures so Harry and the other celebrities there could feel comfortable. Harry was really going for it after the polo – he was drinking and dancing. They were part of a wider group including Tom Hardy. But Harry and Ellie only had eyes for each other all night – they spent a lot of time sitting together under blankets. They were seen having a kiss before Harry had to go because he was playing polo the next day. Ellie left about five minutes later.

Harry was overheard on the way out telling some friends how much he liked her. But there’s already a lot of talk amongst friends that the palace wouldn’t allow her as a serious girlfriend because of her celebrity background.”

Let me guess… The blanket was made out of unicorn fur, PHG gave Ellie a promise ring made out of fairy hair and they left together in an invisible carriage pulled by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and a baby T-Rex in a tutu. But really, who hasn’t been caught by an “onlooker” humping on PHG under a blanket? I know I have, only the “onlooker” turned out to be my dog and I wasn’t humping on PHG under a blanket. I was just crying about my loneliness under a duvet.

And here’s PHG practicing his fisting skills at the Double Jab Boxing Club in London two days ago:

Pics: Getty, Splash