Lil’ Kim (42)
Alessia Cara (20)
Connor Paolo (26)
Caroline Wozniacki (26)
David Henrie (27)
Joan Smalls (28)
Serinda Swan (32)
Rachael Taylor (32)
Jax Taylor (37)
Octomom (41)
Andrew Bird (43)
Michael Rosenbaum (44)
Justin Chambers (46)
Jeff Corwin (49)
John Henson (49)
Greg Grunberg (50)
Dina Eastwood (51)
Lisa Rinna (53)
Shaun Robinson (54)
Richie Sambora (57)
Suzanne Vega (57)
Peter Murphy (59)
Sela Ward (60)
Mindy Sterling (63)
Stephen Lang (64)
Bonnie Pointer (66)
Giorgio Armani (82)
Tab Hunter (85)
7-Eleven (89)

Pic: Instagram

For those of you Derek Hough stans out there, to moisten up your day, here’s some pics of him running topless yesterday in Studio City. He was running for something called “Move Interactive.” His day consisted of leading a fitness class, taking a 2 mile run with his fitness and dance students to a dance studio and then leading a dance class for 30 minutes. My fupa is in awe of people like Derek. Imagine being motivated? Motivation and I are not friends. I’m pretty sure I was a broadcast ass on the nightly news when they ran one of those “America is so fucking fat” stories. I’m ok with it. There’s a certain pride that goes with being first mate on the Chips Ahoy! boat.

Pics: Splash

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s promotional tour (for their relationship?) has joyfully skipped on down to Australia’s Gold Coast. Here they are out last night for a “romantic” dinner. Pippi Yawnstocking and the increasingly douchey Hiddleston are still “meh” verging on to “please have a seat”, but I’m feeling their bodyguard. He looks like an aging and angry former frat brah, and I like that in a single serving.

No completely natural candid pics of the two in Australia that somehow resemble a full-on Tommy Hilfiger ad campaign have surfaced as of yet, but give Tay Tay time to locate a fashion photographer who can be discreet.

What’s more interesting (as much as a post about these two can be interesting) is the video below. An Australian TV reporter tries to talk up Tommy as he goes for a run, but he’s obviously been directed to only communicate in Instagram and pap snaps when it comes to Swifty. Cuz’ he ain’t saying shit about her. He probably signed something in blood, and had to surrender a testicle for collateral.

Keep watching for the sad children “staked out” outside their hotel. They’re supposedly waiting for a glimpse of Tay Tay. They’re even dancing Taylor’s old routines to somehow convince her to grace them with her gingham-dressed presence. PLEASE. These theater brats are so on the payroll. The only child I believe is the one whose mom drove her three hours to meet Hiddleston and burst into sobs at the opportunity to put her face in his sweaty armpit. That’s something she can take back to Tumblr.

Tom Hiddleston being interviewed in the Gold Coast and was asked about Taylor Swift. His answers: “I don’t know”. pic.twitter.com/l3vBPXv9Hf

— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) July 10, 2016

Check out Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston arriving and leaving a restaurant in Australia below.

Pics: Splash

Caitlyn Jenner, who must be feeling herself after that Sports Illustrated cover (the one in that odd jumpsuit taken against a random wall in SI‘s lobby), has announced that she will be in Cleveland during the Republican National Convention. She won’t be attending the RNC, but she will be attending a brunch organized by the American Unity fund for pro-LGBT conservatives. They’ll be meeting to call for increased bipartisan support for LGBT rights. Well, I’d rather be adjacent to the RNC than adjacent to the Kardashians. Hell, I’d rather be adjacent to Lassa fever.

Caitlyn explained her July 20 Q&A brunch in a statement to The Daily Beast.

“The party conventions are like the political Olympics, and I’m excited to be headed to Cleveland to stand with my fellow LGBT Republicans and allies,” Jenner said in a statement sent to The Daily Beast. “As a proud Republican and transgender woman, I want to support courageous Republicans who advocate for LGBT freedom. Our country’s nondiscrimination laws must be updated and this cannot be achieved without bipartisan support. Congress needs to act, along with almost thirty Republican states, to update our nondiscrimination laws. I want to do my part to persuade more Republicans to support freedom for millions of LGBT Americans.”

Caitlyn’s got a lot of people scratching their heads with what the Beast refers to as her “complex political identity.” Her LGBT rights advocacy is an odd juxtaposition with her admiration for noted feminist and desiccated armadillo scrotum Donald Trump. Jenner recently opined that Trump would be “good for women’s issues.” Er, um, wait, ok…I guess?

Jenner also admits that the Republican Party hasn’t exactly been paving the way for queers.

“I sit on the Republican side, and when we do get a candidate, I certainly will talk to them,” Jenner said in March. “I admit that the Democrats, as far as trans issues, are better than the Republicans,” she added.

Nevertheless, she can only make the GOP look good at this point. If this means they haven’t invited her down, then they’re as ridiculous as their future presidential nominee. Caitlyn is a supernova celebrity star! And, according to The Daily Beast, the GOP “has been having trouble lately at attracting star power, both political and pop-cultural.”

They couldn’t even get Montell Williams! Because he’ll be down the street introducing Caitlyn at her Q&A. Fools. Who else are they going to get? Clint Eastwood and his chair friend again? Whiny Elizabeth Hasselbeck? If they don’t start taking this seriously, they’re going to end up with Victoria Jackson giving their opening address. And she’s going to be wearing a scrunchie and cherry-picking quotes from the Bible. It won’t be pretty.

Here’s more shots of Caitlyn Jenner leaving Trancas Country Market in Malibu on July 3.

Pics: WENN

Do you think they recycled his leftover “sex thank you” gift bags for the wedding favors? Former New York Yankees deity and industrious slut Derek Jeter married Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Hannah Davis in Napa Valley yesterday. They were engaged in October of last year. Just once, I want to see one of these celebrity sportsball dudes marry a civilian. Like a bank teller. Or a supermarket bagger. Or me. My husband would fully support this and make all the necessary arrangements. He’s good like that.

People reports that Mr. and Mrs. Jeter were married in an “intimate ceremony” at the Meadowood Napa Valley Resort in St. Helena, California. The bride wore the customary Vera Wang gowns (one for the ceremony, and one for the reception).

For you dress enthusiasts, her mermaid wedding gown featured “a sweetheart neckline, tulle halter high neck and plunging back.” It was just COVERED in layers of tulle and hand-appliqued Chantilly lace. Her reception dress was a “V-neck charmeuse halter gown with white illusion tulle detail at waist and double silk georgette A-line skirt accentuated by side godets.” “White illusion” sounds like Donald Trump’s secret campaign slogan. I had to look up what “godet” means. It’s a triangular piece of cloth that induces “flare.” I need more godets in my wardrobe. We all do.

There were less than a 100 guests and not a lot of celebrity involved, mainly just his sportsball friends.

Jeter retired from baseball in 2014 and has previously hinted that he wants to bat some viable sperm into his new wife’s outfield. Look, sports analogies aren’t my thing. I run like a girl. Actually, that’s totally sexist. I run like a really gay guy.

I hope at least one of those recycled wedding gift bags accidentally retained a blister pack of Valtrex signed by Jeter that reads “THANKS FOR A GREAT NIGHT. THIS IS JUST IN CASE…HUGS!”

Pic: Twitter

Penny, the pussy who tried to escape by stowing away in a UPS box!

Technology is good for all sorts of shit like looking for quick ass, finding someone to drive your drunk ass home and helping us get a laugh (see: me HAHAHAing at the kids yesterday at the airport bumping into trash cans and crap while playing Pokemon Go.) But sometimes, technology can screw with a trick’s life plans, like running off to join the alliance of overlord cats who will one day rule us humans (and honestly, that day can’t come soon enough).

Continue reading