Caitlyn Jenner Jacked Off Donald Trump

March 11, 2016 / Posted by:

In the bubble of delusion that Caitlyn Jenner permanently lives in, she thinks that if Ted Cruz became President Ted Cruz, he’d start a trans issues board and put her in it. Caitlyn must use the same brand of face paint all of the Kartrashians use, because she’s obviously inhaling some seriously toxic stuff that fills her head with extra thick clouds of delusion. Which leads me to…

On an episode of I Am Cait (via UsWeekly), Caitlyn is on a bus with the trans women who play her friends and one of them, Chandi Moore, asks her what she thinks of Donald Trump. Caitlyn’s heart is wrapped around Ted Cruz and she’s probably going to vote for him, so at first she says that she’s not really feeling Trump. But then she summons a tidal wave of eye rolls on that bus by stroking Trump.

“Um, I’m not a big fan because I think of his macho attitude. I think he would have a hard time with women when he doesn’t even realize it, and it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be good for women’s issues, I think he would be very good for women’s issues. Kill me now. I don’t think he’s out there to destroy women or takes things away or do any of that kind of stuff.”

Unlike her family, you won’t ever find Caitlyn Jenner striking poses in a selfie with Hillary Clinton. Caitlyn (read: pot) called Hillary (read: kettle) a “fucking liar” and a “political hack.

Part of me thinks that Caitlyn is only saying that, because she doesn’t want to come out and say, “I’m rich, bitch, I have to vote for a Republican.” (That’s from the Gospel According to Philosopher Jenna Jameson, by the way.) The other part of me thinks that Caitlyn really does believe that if Ted Cruz became president she’d be the head bitch of his trans issues board, and if Donald Trump became president she’d be the head bitch of his women’s issues board. The part of me that thinks that also wants to know what brand of face paint the Kartrashians and Caitlyn use. Because I really want to sniff some shit that’ll take me to fantastical dream worlds.


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