Some Source Says That Marion Cotillard Would Like To Be Excluded From This Narrative
Nearly right after TMZ reported that Angelina Jolie took a machete to Brangelina because the demon weed turns Brad Pitt into a mean daddy, Page Six shook their head NO to that claim. Page Six said that St. Angie hired a private investigator to follow Brad around while he shot the movie Allied in London earlier this year, and when the PI put a magnifying glass over his dick, they found poonaise sauce that came from the chocha of his co-star Marion Cotillard! Page Six’s source that Brad humping on Marion is what broke Brangie. But everyone from TMZ to People and beyond said that wasn’t so and Angie doesn’t have to awkwardly welcome her husband’s side piece to the IHA (International Homewreckers Association) because her divorce filing wasn’t brought on by cheating. The Daily Mail spoke to some source who says that it’s not true and Marion is probably devastated over being wrongly dragged into that messy situation and mislabeled as a maison dépanneuse (that’s Google French for “home wrecker.”)
Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes May Have Gotten Secret Married (UPDATE)
As the marriage of one famous couple implodes like a box of firecrackers that was set too close to the campfire, another famous couple has said “Fuck it, let’s try this marriage thing.” UsWeekly says that Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are married. Not just that, they also claim they’ve been married for a while. I’m sure there’s a handful of McGosling die-hards out there who just shouted “Married to other people, right? Like, Ryan got secret married to a woman named Rachel? Right? RIGHT?!?” No, Ryan got married to the mother of his two kids, Eva Mendes. You may commence weeping into your special edition The Notebook Blu-ray now.
Jennifer Aniston Reacted To The Brangelina Divorce Exactly How You’d Think She Would
I’m glad that after all the unpredictability of yesterday, we can still count on the New York Post to come through with a very New York Post-y cover.
I figured that about 0.6 seconds after one of Angelina Jolie’s minions dropped a copy of those divorce papers off at Brad Pitt’s stoner hovel, there would be a crowd of reporters outside Jennifer Aniston’s house screaming for a statement. “Jen, just how loud did you laugh when you heard the news?” “Jen, will you be celebrating with a huge party or a case of wine at Chelsea Handler’s house?” That didn’t happen, but several sources spilled the details of Jen’s feelings to UsWeekly. And yeah, those Jen reaction memes on Twitter were pretty accurate.
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Hot Slut Of The Day!
Jacques Jolie-Pitt!
St. Angie Jolie wants singular physical custody of all 934 of her children (or “all 6 of her children” if you like exact details and facts) and isn’t asking for any child support from Brad Pitt, but what about Jacques Jolie-Pitt?! Who’s going to get him? Jacques Jolie-Pitt is the most elusive and private member of the world’s most holiest family. Dude hardly does any pap walks and he’s agreed to do only less than a handful of public appearances like a shoot for Parade (see: him looking relieved in the face as he drops a fart on his human’s shoe) and a guest spot during an interview on 60 Minutes in 2011.
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Rob Morrow (54)
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