Typically, when we think of thieves, we picture characters like Jasper and Horace from Disney’s animated feature 101 Dalmatians or Harry and Marv from Home Alones 1 & 2. Basically, a small, stocky guy who’s sketchy or a tall, lanky guy with ill intentions. However, sometimes the most devious and effective thieves come in a form you would never expect. For instance, a fish. Yep, if a trout had the chance, it would rob you and everyone you cared about! That’s what happened to a YouTuber recently when he discovered that his adorable pet fish were actually scam artists capable of committing credit card fraud!

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It’s officially Oscar time. Only 45 days until the day after the Academy Awards when we’re treated to a million think pieces angrily wondering why the youth won’t willingly watch a 15-hour broadcast. It’s probably because of all that TikTok-ing! In the meantime, we’ll have to get our Oscar fill by reading up on think pieces about the current crop of nominees and who is more deserving of having the coveted gold paperweight. While Ke Huy Quan and Michelle Yeoh should sweep EVERYTHING (yes, even Best Animated Short Film, I don’t care), some nominees are getting the side-eye (cough Andrea Riseborough cough). The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has begun an investigation into Andrea’s unusual grassroots campaign to get that OSCUH. Academy members are probably thrilled that this year’s scandal doesn’t involve a slap!

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Just two months after Jay Leno found himself laid up in the hospital with second and third-degree burns from a gasoline fire in his garage, he found himself laid up in the hospital AGAIN. On January 17th, Jay’s 72-year-old ass was knocked off his motorcycle, and the fall broke his collarbone and two ribs. He also cracked his kneecaps. Jay claims that he was riding through a parking lot when unbeknownst to him, some guy strung a wire across the lot, and it clotheslined him. What in Looney Tunes HELL? Does Conan O’Brien have an alibi?! On top of that, CNBC has canceled his car show Jay Leno’s Garage and probably because they’re making room for his next show, Jay Leno’s Weekly Ambulance Ride – SOW

GMA3 lovebirds Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes have reportedly said BYE BITCH to ABC News after mediations between both sides got messy. There was talk that ABC News was going to keep Amy, but it looks like she’s following T.J. out the exit door, and their contracts will be paid out. To think, that shameless stunt queen Mickey Mouse didn’t keep them on as a ratings ploy. I thought I knew you, Mickey. But whatever, Amy and T.J. don’t need ABC because I’m sure they’ll get better offers, like an offer to host a revival of Cheaters – Just Jared

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That’s Plain Old Alan Cumming to you, pal! Don’t you dare call him Sir, Dame, Esquire, Baron, Earl, Marquis, Viscount, or Duke while that one is on the throne? Not that Alan’s newly shed designation as an Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, or OBE, entitled him to use any of those titles, but it’s the principle that counts. People reports that as a gift to himself of the occasion of his 58th birthday, Alan returned the title bestowed upon him by THE QUEEN in 2009 in recognition of his work as an actor and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. Apparently, that OBE doesn’t hit the same when the figurehead of the British Empire is an absolute clown.

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