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There’s A Rumor That Tom Hardy Has Already Been Cast As The New James Bond
The 25th Bond movie No Time To Die hasn’t come out yet (it’s supposed to come out on November 20 after its original release date was pushed due to coronavirus), but there’s already a claim as to which white guy with nice pecs will jump from burning buildings or swings from chandeliers, crashing through a plate-glass window without a scratch, and slip into Daniel Craig’s tuxedo to play the new James Bond. Well, there’s one claim that James Bond WILL be played by everyone’s favorite camwhore Tom Hardy. That sound you just heard was Hard Up To Play Bond team member Henry Cavill destroying his nerd machine in a fit of rage!
Open Post: Hosted By The Rock Ripping Off A Gate To Get To Work On Time
When it comes to commitment, there is dedication––and then there’s Duane “The Rock” Johnson who will literally tear the shit out of a wrought-iron gate rather than be late for work. And that’s exactly what happened yesterday when he was faced with a looming deadline that just could not be missed. I, for one, think this was a bad move. I mean, what a dummy. He had the ultimate rich-person excuse for staying home: “Sorry guys, I can’t come into work today. The gate outside of my mansion was acting up and wouldn’t open for me. Now I’m stuck inside. I’ll probably need the weekend off, too.”
Katie Holmes And Her New Man Continue Their Make Out Tour Throughout New York City
Yes, Katie Holmes and her new boyfriend, Emilio Vitolo, Jr., were papped again yesterday, exploring each others mouths. This time in and around NYC’s Central Park, masks strapped comically to their chins each time. Like, girl, we get it. You’re in love. You escaped Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx, so you deserve it. But please, take him to, like, Barneys and get him a fedora or a stetson hat or something and throw that pageboy cap into the Jackie O reservoir. Seriously, nobody is getting paparazzi attention on this coast like Katie and Emilio––Ana de Armas is positively SHOOK!
Kanye West Claims He’s Going To Help Taylor Swift Get Her Masters Back
Lyricist, master wit and completely competent Presidential candidate Kanye West once said about his on-again, off-again arch-nemesis, Taylor Swift: “I made that bitch famous”. Well, looks like he’s going above and beyond once again for his “protégé,” because after getting out of Twitter jail, he kept on, kept on, on Twitter and vowed to work with “family friend” Scooter Braun to get Taylor her masters back after they were famously acquired by Braun and Scott Borchetta in their Big Machine Label Group purchase last summer. Why do I have a feeling that Scooter just hit the block button Kanye’s number?
The Emmys Will Be Handed Out By Presenters In Hazmat Tuxedo Suits
Basically, this year has been an exercise in just keeping it together. Most of us have spent the last six months lying on the couch, pants-less, with Cheetos in our hair. So, for anybody hoping to catch a glimpse of some much-needed GLAMOUR from our biggest TV stars, you are probably out of luck because this year’s all-virtual Emmy Awards––slated to be, as host Jimmy Kimmel describes, like no other––is going to feature presenters in full-blown hazmat suits. Naomi Campbell’s influence continues!
Open Post: Hosted By Steve Martin Letting The People Know That It’s Steve Martin Under That Mask
We’re over 6 months into COVID-19 quarantine (or is it 20 years? Who even knows anymore?) and, amazingly, some celebrities with mugs simply too famous and dazzling to cover up with ugly, corona-blocking masks, have yet to find a solution to keeping themselves protected without shielding the world from their fame Some, that is, but not Steve Martin. Steve has left the Kardashians seething because they wish they came up with this. But then again, a Kardashian’s non-biodegradable ass is their “This Is A Kardashian” sign.