Just one day after news of that bizarre 90210 reboot punched a HUH? out of us, we’re learning that Luke Perry had a major stroke and is in the hospital right now. QUICK! Everybody grab your 90210 crucifix (read: a Dylan McKay doll) and a vat of 90210 holy water (read: some drugstore 90210 perfume from the 90s) and form a prayer circle around Dylan McKay now!
Next month, the Las Vegas Strip was supposed to get another serving of pork rinds-encrusted TALENT when Britney Spears boggled audience minds with her raw vocals (not a typo, more on that later) and impeccable “flip that weave while walking back and forth” dance moves, but that’s not going to happen anymore. No, Brit Brit isn’t hanging up her tiara as the Princess of Las Vegas to finally fulfill her dream of quitting the business of show to run a cheetah milking farm that produces Cheetos (nobody tell Brit Brit that you can’t milk a Cheeto out of a cheetah). Brit Brit is taking a work hiatus for a sad reason, she’s going to help out her dad/one of the heads of her conservatorship, Daddy Spears, because his health is in a bad way.
If you were to guess what sort of emergency situation might put John Mayer into the hospital, you might say it could have something to do with accidentally drinking a bottle of cologne, or a strong burning sensation during urination. But this time, John’s appendix pulled a fast one on him, and he was forced into emergency surgery.
A rep for John tells TMZ that he was rushed to the hospital early this morning in New Orleans. He underwent appendectomy surgery. John is currently on tour with Dead & Company. They had a show scheduled tonight in New Orleans.
Dead & Company released a statement concerning John’s sudden exit, saying that the show planned for this evening is postponed and that people can get a refund if they want to. But they didn’t say how John is doing. Or whether they sent something nice to the hospital on behalf of the band. Like a stuffed Grateful Dead bear wrapped in a tie-dye scarf that says “Get Groovy Soon, Man.” Although Dead & Company founder Bob Weir did wish John a speedy recovery.
Wishing a speedy recovery for John… Get well soon my friend. pic.twitter.com/FGYHC8hdCS
— Bob Weir (@BobWeir) December 5, 2017
Waking up in the middle of the night to the kind of awful pains that land you in the ER is no joke. It’s such a shitty situation. You’re confused and scared, and nothing the doctor says makes any sense. I can only imagine how terrified a half-asleep John Mayer was when he heard they were going to have to remove his appendix. “Oh god, not my dick!!! Anything but that! I use that organ the most! Wait – did you say appendix? Phew. That’s still bad, but…not as bad.”
While wearing one of Hedda Lettuce’s old wigs as a Las Vegas Statue of Liberty on her Halloween episode today, Wendy Williams lost control of her words, her eyes widened like mine did whenever I got apple slices instead of candy during trick or treating times and she passed the fuck out on live television. No, Wendy was not doing performance art commentary on the Statue of Liberty’s reaction to what the Jabba the Trump administration is doing to this country. Wendy had a “man down, code 10 situation” (copyright: the legendary Frankie Lyons). Continue reading
I really should’ve saved this story for Monday, because “Heather Locklear drove her car into a ditch” is everyone’s Monday morning metaphor.
E! News host Maria Menounos tells People that in February, she knew something was wrong with her health when she started getting headaches and lightheaded on set. Now, getting headaches is a symptom of working with Ryan Seacrest, but what was happening to Maria was much more serious and scary. After she had trouble reading the teleprompter and started slurring her words, she had an MRI and learned that a golf-ball-size meningioma brain tumor was pushing against her facial nerves and fucking with her.