Several employees said the B in IHOP’s “new” name IHOb stood for “burgers“. My guess was a bacon promotion, and I’m glad I didn’t put any money down with a bookie, because what do you know? The B stood for burgers. Congratulations, IHOP! This might be the most meat-based attention you’ve gotten since that guest found a human finger in their salad.
Yesterday, I wrote about the disturbing and ugly news that the early-morning paradise for drunks that is IHOP is changing their name to IHOb, which sounds like a bowel condition that gives you the runs (fitting). IHOb isn’t announcing what the “b” stands for until Monday, but I hoped it was just a shameless stunt to promote some new b-named breakfast food and that IHOP wouldn’t turn their backs on pancakes. But now some people who claim they work for IHOP are spilling it. They say the “b” doesn’t stand for “breakfast,” it stands for “burgers.” I just… Trump became president, and now IHOP is ALLEGEDLY shitting on their
bread pancakes and butter and getting themselves a new whore and using cheap tactics to sell it? What happened to America?! Actually, that is very American.
The general public have only really been given one formal portrait of Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s almost one-year-old twins Rumi and Sir, which means the Beyhive was no doubt hungry for a new one. Thirsty fans were finally rewarded yesterday during Bey and Jay’s first stop on their On The Run II Tour in Cardiff, England. Projected on a giant screen about three minutes into an intro video were the images of Beyoncé and Jay-Z both holding a set of year-old twins. The implication was that the audience was looking at the latest pics of Rumi and Sir. As it turns out, the twins were decoys.
IHOP is the perfect name for drunk messes like me. It’s short, easy to remember, and you can effortlessly slur out its name to your Lyft driver at 3 in the morning after you struck out from getting sausage at the bar and need to drown your miserable rejected loneliness with an actual sausage wrapped in a pancake and slathered with blueberry syrup. That name is perfect and should not be messed with. But because IHOP is an American corporation and American corporations love cackling into the air while fucking with our emotions by pulling some stupid stunt, they’re pulling, what could be, a stupid stunt. They announced on Twitter that they’re flipping the “P” and going from IHOP to IHOb. IHOb better stand for International House of bitch We’re Fucking With You For Attention Because Sales Are Down. (Although, I won’t hate them if they changed their name to honor one of my favorite viral videos and are now the International House of bitch Your Pancakes Look Fine To Me.)
Pusha-T has been going after Drake. He released some embarrassing blackface pictures of Drake, and dropped a diss track accusing Drake of being a deadbeat dad to a secret son. Drake has only responded to the blackface pictures. According to Pusha-T, Drake was waiting to tell everyone about his alleged son because he was planning on using the reveal as publicity for his upcoming Adidas collaboration.
While I was up late last night worrying about gun violence, racism in America, and how that headache I had earlier in the day is probably a brain tumor, the rest of the world had real problems on their mind: Will Birdie ever see Radar and Flat Bear again?!? Well, the rest of the world can breathe a sigh of relief, Busy Philipps reports that Radar has been found!