On today’s episode of “Fame Whore, Please!” we have rapper and Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta cast member Yung Joc wearing a floor length blue dress direct from the Karlie Redd Cheap Thot Collection. Werq Miss Joc, WERRRRQQQ! I bet you weren’t meeting mutha fuckas in the trap wearing this shit back when you were a rapper, so what’s going on? Joc is chalking up this current cry for attention to “internet manipulation.” And there’s more.
Did you know that Taylor Swift has been in self-imposed exile for 6 entire months? Here I thought she had been Taylor Swifting about town as usual. But no, according to People magazine, before her recent rebirth she’d been in hiding, coiled up like a snake, lying in wait, until just the right time to jump out and scare us all with her newfound ferocity.
Ladies and gentlemen, friends, family, cats. It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of the old Taylor Swift. According to her new song, one she has been aggressively teasing online for exactly one week, the old Taylor has died. Cause of death is unknown, although I suspect a case of acute attention-seeking might be a factor. The family requests that in lieu of flowers, please send dragon emojis to Kim Kardashian’s Instagram account.
An eagle-eyed butt connoisseur was watching Tom Cruise in Valkyrie and noticed that the star’s ass looked suspiciously juicy. He screen captured the image and #tooktotwitter to posit a theory that the diminutive actor wears a fake butt.
Halle Berry is one of those sneaky types of attention whores. The kind that, when the paparazzi accosts her, she pretends to be annoyed and starts throwing shit and yelling at them like the crazy cat lady who lives on your grandmom’s block. But whenever she needs them for publicity, she tones the crazy all the way down. For example, at Saturday nights Chrysalis Butterfly Ball in Los Angeles, Halle arrived with her plus one either being a new baby friend forming in her belly, or the remains of a gigantic steak burrito from Taco Bell busting out of her gut.
Can someone please pass me the nearest can of “Bitch Be Gone!,” because there are two bitches I need gone immediately. It appears that people still care about world renowned black sheep Rob Kardashian and his always elegant baby mom Blac Chyna (better known as Nevah B.A. Kardashian around the family dinner table), because they keep reminding us that they’re still around, trying to work shit out. In their latest attempt in keeping their names fresher than the collagen in Kylie’s lips, they’re now throwing their five month old daughter, Dream, into the mix.