Category: Stunt Queens

Nikki Bella And John Cena Have Broken Up Again

July 30, 2018 / Posted by:

True love is dead. Well it is for Nikki Bella and John Cena. A bunch of other celebrities seem to still be in love but I’m sure they’ll be joining Nikki and John in Splitsville any day now.

People is reporting that the most romantic thing to happen in a wrestling ring (at least on camera) has come to a slow, sad, and totally not scripted conclusion. It was the season finale of Total Bellas last night, and we learned that Nikki called off her engagement to John about a month before they were supposed to get married.  Continue reading

Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin Are Engaged

July 8, 2018 / Posted by:

If your Sunday ritual of eating oatmeal and reading the newspaper while listening to “A Prairie Home Companion” was rudely interrupted by the Emergency Broadcast System this morning, here’s why. TMZ had to cut in to give the world the breaking news that Justin Bieber has become engaged to Hailey Baldwin! Somebody check on Selena Gomez, because she either pulled a back muscle from dodging that bullet, or she’s working on a plan to upstage Justin’s engagement by getting her friend Justin Theroux to drop to a knee and put a ring on that finger in front of the paps.  Continue reading

Does The “B” in “IHOb” Stand For Burgers?!!!!!

June 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Yesterday, I wrote about the disturbing and ugly news that the early-morning paradise for drunks that is IHOP is changing their name to IHOb, which sounds like a bowel condition that gives you the runs (fitting). IHOb isn’t announcing what the “b” stands for until Monday, but I hoped it was just a shameless stunt to promote some new b-named breakfast food and that IHOP wouldn’t turn their backs on pancakes. But now some people who claim they work for IHOP are spilling it. They say the “b” doesn’t stand for “breakfast,” it stands for “burgers.” I just… Trump became president, and now IHOP is ALLEGEDLY shitting on their bread pancakes and butter and getting themselves a new whore and using cheap tactics to sell it? What happened to America?! Actually, that is very American.

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Beyoncé And Jay-Z Employed Decoy Twins For The “On The Run II” Tour

June 7, 2018 / Posted by:

The general public have only really been given one formal portrait of Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s almost one-year-old twins Rumi and Sir, which means the Beyhive was no doubt hungry for a new one. Thirsty fans were finally rewarded yesterday during Bey and Jay’s first stop on their On The Run II Tour in Cardiff, England. Projected on a giant screen about three minutes into an intro video were the images of Beyoncé and Jay-Z both holding a set of year-old twins. The implication was that the audience was looking at the latest pics of Rumi and Sir. As it turns out, the twins were decoys.

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I See That IHOP Is Now The International House Of Stunt Queens 

June 6, 2018 / Posted by:

IHOP is the perfect name for drunk messes like me. It’s short, easy to remember, and you can effortlessly slur out its name to your Lyft driver at 3 in the morning after you struck out from getting sausage at the bar and need to drown your miserable rejected loneliness with an actual sausage wrapped in a pancake and slathered with blueberry syrup. That name is perfect and should not be messed with. But because IHOP is an American corporation and American corporations love cackling into the air while fucking with our emotions by pulling some stupid stunt, they’re pulling, what could be, a stupid stunt. They announced on Twitter that they’re flipping the “P” and going from IHOP to IHOb. IHOb better stand for International House of bitch We’re Fucking With You For Attention Because Sales Are Down. (Although, I won’t hate them if they changed their name to honor one of my favorite viral videos and are now the International House of bitch Your Pancakes Look Fine To Me.)

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