Can someone please pass me the nearest can of “Bitch Be Gone!,” because there are two bitches I need gone immediately. It appears that people still care about world renowned black sheep Rob Kardashian and his always elegant baby mom Blac Chyna (better known as Nevah B.A. Kardashian around the family dinner table), because they keep reminding us that they’re still around, trying to work shit out. In their latest attempt in keeping their names fresher than the collagen in Kylie’s lips, they’re now throwing their five month old daughter, Dream, into the mix.
Jon and Kate Gosselin are like the roaches you see scattering around the kitchen that come out to taunt you with their existence every now and again. These mu’fuckas just refuse to call the time of death on their “celebrity,” because Kate is still pimping the kids out on TLC and Jon is now a stripper.
Yes, I know, you need a moment to go grab the lotion of your choice because the mental image of his pasty, busted biscuit can shaped body gyrating for the masses is setting your loins to BROIL. Well, unfortunately for all of us, Jon is more of a cock tease than the girl in high school who only gives out hand jobs.
It’s been four months since Naya Rivera filed for divorce from her husband of two years, Ryan Somethingoranother, and that’s a long time for a permanent resident of ThirstVille like herself to get a new dude to hit the pap stroll with. But Naya got herself a new dude and they’re making everyone’s head fill with a billion question marks.
ScarJo and French popcorn dude may be at the beginning of an ugly custody fight. Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are in the middle of an ugly custody fight. And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have taken their ugly custody fight behind closed doors. So since 2017 is the year of ugly custody fights, the Kartrashians are trying to get a piece of that “trend.” People says that Blac Chyna is planning to fight Rob Kartrashian for full custody of their 3-month-old daughter Dream Renee. They both obviously really care about the welfare of their child, and by that I mean they care about the welfare of their bank accounts and fame. It seems like no one really cares about the Kartrashians anymore, so Pimp Mama Kris has gotta do something to get back on top of the fame whore ladder. It’s either a messy custody battle, or sacrifice one of their own so that Lucifer can extend their relevancy. “Why is everyone looking at me?” – Scott
The 1975 is an English band whose albums I’ve downloaded, because my 14-year-old first cousin once removed told me that all of her friends love them and I still give in to peer pressure even when the person pressuring me is not my peer. (Although, technically I have the maturity of a 14-year-old. No offense to 14-year-olds.) But anyway, The 1975 (seen above looking like Manchester’s least popular Prince tribute band) were at the Brit Awards in London last night and in between performing and accepting the award for Best British Group, two of its members got “caught” smoking what looks like the good shit under the table. “Watch out, we got a badass over here,” said Keith Richards before fondly remembering the first time he smoked weed in a small space. It was his mother’s womb and it feels like it was yesterday.
Surprisingly, this situation doesn’t involve Kim Kardashian responding to yesterday’s news that Beyonce is pregnant with twins by speed-dialing TMZ and letting them know a “source” thinks she might be pregnant with triplets. This situation with Kim actually happened two days ago.