Despite looking very much like an expensive weapon, there are no American Music Awards currently being held as crime scene evidence today, awaiting testing to see whose DNA is in the body shimmer lifted by forensics. Both Mariah Carey and her longtime nemesis Jennifer Lopez both hit the stage at the AM’s last night, and there were no casualties caused by thrown awards, pulled hair, or shoes. Technically, the only real throw down was possibly Mariah vs. Singing Live, a battle the internet thinks she might have won.
Selena Gomez recently announced she was once again taking a break from social media. But before Selena exited social media, she gave us a little peek into what kind of things and people gets Selena excited enough to whip out her phone and write a review. Apparently one of those would be seeing Jennifer Lopez perform in Las Vegas.
Last night at the MTV VMAs, Jennifer Lopez received the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, a trophy presented to recognize an artist’s accomplishments in music videos. I’m surprised that it took so long for MTV to present JLo with the award, since I firmly believe that JLo’s pink velour short-short tracksuit ensemble in the video for “I’m Real” is about as iconic as Michael Jackson turning into a zombie in “Thriller.” Or maybe it is to me, considering it inspired my best friend to work an identical look nearly every day that same summer, despite the fact that she almost caught heatstroke twice from wearing so much velour.
JLo performed a medley of her hits and when she was done, she accepted her award by thanking everyone in her life, including her family and her “two little angels” Max and Emme. Then JLo thanked her boyfriend of about a year and a half, A-Rod. And much like any time JLo and A-Rod are near a photographer, she got cheesy.
Jennifer Lopez is showing some character growth, as Us Weekly is reporting that she is hesitant to get married to her man Alex Rodriguez and that is fucking refreshing considering how many idiots are going to be getting divorced soon. Not Miss JLo. No ma’am. JLo learned her lessons…for now.
Meryl Streep better park her ass for this year’s Oscar race because Jennifer Lopez took off that scarecrow wig she wears as a cop on NBC and got back into her bread and butter role of rags-to-riches lady in a rom-com. If your afternoon has been missing a little bit of 2003, have no fear! The trailer for Second Act, a movie starring Jen and Leah Remini (oh, yeah, and Vanessa Hudgens), dropped earlier.
The Bronx is in the house! Or rather, The Bronx is in the Chateau! Bronx natives Cardi B and Jennifer Lopez have teamed up on a track called “Dinero” and they brought DJ Khaled along for the ride. Here’s the very shiny video directed by Joseph Khan. It’s packed full of tongue-in-cheek product placements which I didn’t really catch until the third viewing. Was it worth repeated viewings? No, it was not.
Man, DJ Khaled about as useful as tits on a boar, which, now that I think about it, is unkindly apt here. Although, it might be kind of fun to hire him for a day to announce my entrance every time I walk into a room. He’s very good at letting you know who people are. But that Robert De Niro pun was unforgivable. Go suck a clit, DJ Khaled!
What I like most about this video is how shiny it is. I love shiny things. I would legit rock one of those sequences jerseys JLo is wearing at the end. I feel like Elizabeth Taylor would enjoy watching this video if she were allowed to wear headphones and listen to Rachmaninoff instead. If I could, I would bedazzle the shit out of everything in sight too. But I wouldn’t bedazzle an elephant. That was wrong. Also, I kept expecting DJ Khaled to run into that set up and yell “Coolio! What!”, “Gangsters’ Paradise, yeah!”, followed by “Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! What!… the hell have I done?”.