Category: Henry Cavill

Henry Cavill Has Broken Up With His Girlfriend Lucy Cork

February 6, 2018 / Posted by:

About a year after Henry Cavill broke up with his teenage girlfriend, he started to hook up with a stuntwoman named Lucy Cork. Henry and Lucy met on the set of Mission: Impossible 6, but now they’re over after seven months together.

According to The Mirror, Henry was seen at a recent Warner Bros. party with some friends, who were trying to set up their “single” friend. When one girl approached Henry and introduced herself, his friends allegedly shouted that he was “single and ready to mingle.” That’s a weird way to put it. But maybe “alone and ready for the photo op zone” was just his Kaley Cuoco-era dating strategy.

Henry has since unfollowed Lucy on Instagram, which as we all know in 2018 dating terms means they’re broken up for good. The only thing the Mirror doesn’t know is the reason for why Henry and Lucy broke up. I wonder whatever could have been the straw that broke the camel’s thirsty back? No, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that Henry fell into Demi Lovato’s carefully laid Instagram trap last week. And really, I honestly don’t think Demi’s lingerie-covered titties did Henry’s relationship in. She probably just heard things were bad and decided to lay some groundwork for a possible relationship. And hell, why not get a little attention and some Instagram likes while you’re at it? Honestly, that’s just smart multitasking.


Open Post: Hosted By The Moment When Tom Cruise Broke His Ankle

January 27, 2018 / Posted by:

The shady boys in the Scientology Celebrity Centre bathhouse are going to be busy today, Photoshopping David Miscavige behind Tom Cruise in that screen shot.

Filming on the 984th Mission: Impossible movie, now called Mission: Impossible – Fallout went on hiatus for a while last year after Tommy Cruise fucked up his ankle during a stunt gone wrong. Video of Tommy making Leah Remini cackle by cracking his ankle made the rounds last year, but on The Graham Norton Show, he shared a slow-mo close-up clip of that mess. M:I – Fallout doesn’t come out until the summer, but Tommy, Rebecca Ferguson, Henry Cavill and Simon Pegg were on Graham Norton to sell that shit extra early.

The minion who told Tommy that he didn’t need to wear his lifts for this stunt is probably sitting in a cell at Gold Base. Because if Tommy wore his all-mighty lifts, the building would’ve broke, not his ankle. You can practically hear the Thetans screech when it breaks.

A bitch IS Tommy Cruise spending a mountain of money and zillions of hours to become a high-level Scientologist with superpowers, and yet he still breaks bones like us mortal peasants. The Scientology slaves who feed grapes to Tommy as he lounges on his throne better start dipping those grapes in some crushed Boniva.

Pic: YouTube 

Gal Gadot Probably Didn’t Make 46 Times Less Than Henry Cavill For “Wonder Woman” 

June 20, 2017 / Posted by:

Making the rounds today is a story that makes it sound like Wonder Woman’s greatest foe, besides metal poisoning of the nipples from wearing that corset top, is the gender wage gap! Elle posted a story yesterday claiming that Gal Gadot got paid $300,000 for her first Wonder Woman movie while Henry Cavill got $14 million for his first Superman movie, Man of Steel. Gal wasn’t really known before getting Wonder Woman and the same goes for Henry and Superman, so that bit of information made people schedule a code 10 emergency appointment at Lens Crafters since they thought their eyes were fucked up. The gender wage gap is real, but it turns out that this story is not.

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Open Post: Hosted By Henry Cavill In Christopher Reeve’s Superman Suit

April 9, 2017 / Posted by:

This one looks way better. You can work all the airbrushed UnderArmour you want, but nothing beats a good pair of comic book pantyhose.

DC Extended Universe director, Zach Snyder, (he did Man of Steel, Superman v. Batman: Dawn Of Failure, and the upcoming Justice League) posted this pic of our current Superman, Henry Cavill, in the classic Superman’s old outfit. That’s the one the dearly departed Christopher Reeve wore when HE was (the one true) Superman.

Zach revealed (via iO9) that Henry wore that costume during his first screen test. He should wear this one in the movies going forward. Not only as a tribute to Christopher, but because it might bring back Ursa from Superman II. Sarah Douglas played my favorite super-villainess of all time in that movie. She was so wonderfully evil in that movie that she kicks astronauts into deep space and fries snakes, and made it a point to beat misogynist hillbillies at arm-wrestling. Her finest moment, though, is when she picked up a manhole cover to fling at Superman but first called out “SSsssuupppeeerrmmmaaaaaaaaaaaannn!” (at the :50 mark). It’s the most exquisite line-reading in cinematic history. Zach Snyder should resurrect Ursa for one of those dour-ass movies. She’d bring the campy evil.

Pic: Zach Snyder

Henry Cavill Will Play Tom Cruise’s Right-Hand Man In The Next “Mission: Impossible” Movie

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Too many handjob jokes, too little time.

Star of gay rumors Jeremy Renner has done two Mission: Impossible movies with Tom Cruise, and now it’s fellow star of gay rumors Henry Canvill’s turn to hear Tommy snap at him, “Bitch, you better slouch and bend those knees, because these heels can’t grow on their own.” Production on Mission: Impossible 6 was reportedly on hold, because Tommy wanted more points in his back-end (don’t we all, Tommy?) or something. Well, it looks like Tommy’s back-end is going to get those points he wanted, because production is back on and director Christopher McQuarrie is adding to the cast.

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