Holiday Programming Note & Open Post: Hosted By David Bowie Grooving Along To George Michael Singing Queen
In case you couldn’t tell from everyone adult wrapping themselves while waiting for 2016 to finally end, it’s the final days of the year. So because it’s that time period between Christmas and New Year’s when many people get drunk at noon while watching the Snapped marathon on Oxygen, we’re going into holiday mode at Dlisted. I’ve gone on vacation with my family, which is sort of like hanging out with them at home. But instead of fighting in my mom’s living room, we fight at a restaurant and make all the other tourists uncomfortable. ‘Tis the season to make strangers nervously push their rice around while trying to drown out the sound of you and your sister fighting about Westworld theories.
Things will be a little lighter around here this week, but our resident guest providers of foolery, Ben and Krista, are coming in to help Allison and me out. They’ll be posting all this week and J. Harvey will cover Saturday. Everything will be back to normal on January 3rd. Although is it ever normal around here?
Yesterday, when I posted the soul-hurting news about George Michael’s death, I posted his performance of Somebody To Love at the Freddie Mercury tribute concert. So I leave you with this video from 1992 of George Michael singing the fuck out of Somebody To Love in rehearsal as David Bowie and Seal dance along. (Or as Sarah Michelle Gellar sees it, Boy George rehearsing as David Byrne and Terence Trent D’Arby dance along.)
“So about you trying to show me up at my own damn tribute concert….” is probably the first thing that Freddie Mercury said to George Michael in heaven.
When I woke up yesterday and opened up my laptop, one of the first headlines that slammed against my blurry eyes was:
I made the same face that David Bowie is making in that picture above, pivoted and returned my ass to bed. I didn’t need that headline yesterday and I don’t need it today. But thankfully, David Bowie’s son has shit on that headline and says that a piece of his dad’s spirit is not trapped in the dusty hellscape of rolling Mad Max extras and Wookie boots.
In “Dead Musical Geniuses Who Don’t Have Relatives Scrapping Over Their Remains” News, David Bowie’s son Duncan Jones tweeted his son’s birth announcement last night. Stenton David Jones was born on July 10, six months to the day that his granddad passed away due to cancer.
Stenton David Jones. Born July 10th, exactly six months after his grandad made room for him.
Love you both so. ❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/Axdee1iRhE
— Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) July 29, 2016
Bowie’s actual name was David Robert Jones, and Stenton is named for Ziggy Stardust’s dad. And why am I blogging about yet another incredibly important musical artist who is no longer with us? I’m reminding myself of the loss. Hopefully they’re working together on something in Rock Star Heaven. Duncan also thanked his wife, Rodene Ronquillo.
“All my love and awe to the incredible @rodeneronquillo who made a human being in her belly. Warrior woman & every day, my hero.”
He better have thanked her. Not only did she birth a human (which I’m assuming is the worst pain ever barring violent death), but he drew her like that. I know it’s a quickie drawing made out of love, but that’s not exactly a push present. “That’s sweet, dear, but why does my vagina look like a duck’s bill?” Wait, is that supposed to be Bowie? Why does he have a uniboob?
Don’t let that screen shot fool you. That’s not a still from Kylie Jenner’s performance art video about being trapped in Pimp Mama Kris’ Satanic womb. It’s just Lorde performing in a sea of darkroom safe lights at the BRIT Awards last night. It also kind of looks like she’s a prisoner in a Pizza Hut red cup. But I digress…
After Lady CaCa splattered up her weird “Intel commercial on acid” meets “something you’d see at a Burning Man talent show” David Bowie tribute at the Grammys, his son, Duncan Jones, tweeted his review of her homage to herself. Duncan Jones tweeted the exact Google definition of “gaga.” Dude pretty much hated it:
"overexcited or irrational, typically as a result of infatuation or excessive enthusiasm; mentally confused." Damn it! What IS that word!?
— Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) February 16, 2016
Surprisingly, Duncan Jones’ eyeballs didn’t melt into his sockets while reading the tweets from crazed Little Monsters who wished ass AIDS on his dog. Duncan Jones is still able to see, because he watched the BRIT Awards tribute to his father done by David Bowie’s former touring band and the Hot Topic chanteuse we call Lorde. At last night’s BRITs, Annie Lennox and Panty Creamer Gary Oldman told a funny story about David Bowie before introducing Bowie’s former touring band and the Tim Burton Kewpie doll who yodeled out “Life On Mars” while dressed like a theater usher.
Duncan Jones tweeted this after that performance:
Finally found the links to tonight's Brits. Just… beautiful. Thank you.
— Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) February 25, 2016
I co-sign that, but with that being said, we’re going to forget about Gaga’s and Lorde’s tributes on Sunday night. At the Oscars, Tilda Swinton is going to sashay onto the stage and reveal herself as a David Bowie clone by ripping off her face mask. Then she’s going to beam herself up to their home planet of Mars to join her overlord, the Goblin King. That’s probably going to happen.
And here’s Lorde “canoodling” with Taylor Swift hater Diplo while going to Justin Bieber’s BRIT Awards after-party.
No, I’m not talking about his Grammys Red Solo Cup. He doesn’t own that anymore. He donated it to the Museum of Cool Dads.
America doesn’t run on Dunkin’ anymore. Right now, the world, including America, runs on the stories from musicians who were told by David Bowie to chew on an anus scab and swallow. Ambien’s biggest competitor, Coldplay, already told us about the time that David Bowie refused to collaborate with them because he felt the song belonged at the bottom of a Port-A-Potty bowl. Bowie also turned down a collaboration with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and told Bono that his musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark should’ve been called Spider-Man: Just Turn That Turd Off. Well, now Dave Grohl has his own “…the time David Bowie shat on me” story.
Fashion Cuisinart Lady Gaga got the dearly departed David Bowie’s face etched on her torso in advance of tomorrow night’s Grammys tribute. Stefani opted for the Aladdin Sane-version Bowie. You can watch her receive her ink in the vid below. I’ve never gotten a tattoo. But it can’t be a pleasant angel kiss. She seems really sedate. Stefani is way tougher than me. Repeatedly stab me in the ribs with a needle and I’m leaving.
Although whatever the hell she took before this event might still be assisting her with pain management.
Gaga announced her latest body art on Snapchat (via People), noting that “this was the image that changed my life,” and rightly proclaiming “Hail Mary full of grace Saint Bowie.” It’s hard for me to bag on her because Bowie is still dead and it’s just not right.
Lady Gaga is currently getting a tattoo of David Bowie by Mark Mahoney⚡️ pic.twitter.com/P9KwDbjXW3
— Lady Gaga | ARTPOP (@stevenartpop) February 14, 2016
For an up-close look at Bowie’s face on Gaga’s bod, click below.