No, David Bowie’s Ashes Were Not Scattered At Burning Man

September 12, 2016 / Posted by:

When I woke up yesterday and opened up my laptop, one of the first headlines that slammed against my blurry eyes was:


I made the same face that David Bowie is making in that picture above, pivoted and returned my ass to bed. I didn’t need that headline yesterday and I don’t need it today. But thankfully, David Bowie’s son has shit on that headline and says that a piece of his dad’s spirit is not trapped in the dusty hellscape of rolling Mad Max extras and Wookie boots.

E! News said yesterday that a source told them that Iman gave some of David Bowie’s ashes to his godson to scatter at this year’s Burning Man. David Bowie and his godson supposedly had deep conversations about Burning Man and what it stands for. Bowie allegedly loved the meaning behind it, so his godson took a portion of his ashes there. Parasite Hilton was at Burning Man (not to be confused with the herpes convention Burning Crotch) and so I could picture her snorting David Bowie’s scattered ashes mid-air after mistaking them for some weird-colored coke. But David Bowie’s son Duncan Jones tweeted today that it’s a lie, and if his dad’s ashes were going to be scattered anywhere it would be at some holiday camp in England.

That rumor probably came to be when some wasted mess pulled out a handful of silver glitter from a sea blue velvet satchel, said it was David Bowie’s ashes and then scattered them into the night air while screaming out lyrics from Magic Dance. Hell, I’d believe them, because I am sure that David Bowie’s ashes are stardust and stardust looks like glitter. And I am also sure that Vanessa Hudgens got an idea from this story and added the words, “bury me under a giant flower crown at Coachella” to her will.


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