Just in time for Spring Break!

The Joe is out! TMZ is reporting that Joe Francis agreed to a plea deal with Panama City, FL to keep his hairy ass out of jail. I don’t know if it’s hairy, but it looks that way to me. Hairy on the cheeks and hole.

He pleaded no contest to filming underaged chicks and was sentenced to time served. He will be on 6-months of unsupervised probation and he can’t film in the area for 3 years. That sucks, because I’m sure Panama City is just filled with drunk sluts willing to humiliate themselves and their families for $20.

They will also give Joe back his Ferrari and $60,000 they confiscated from him. Joe might be back in Los Angeles as early as tonight.

Okay, Joe is sort of hot….right? Sort of? You’d let him nudge the tip in. A little? Ugh, I totally would and now I think I have to barf.

Yeah, she looks interested – Popsugar

Kathleen Robertson is in a bikini and pregnant?! Since when? – Egotastic!

Barron Trump has his daddy’s hair – Just Jared

Patricia Heaton finally covers up her no-belly button (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Jodie Foster attracts the crazies – IDLYITW

Carmen Electra in a Crocker Jeans ad, but where are the jeans? – Hollywood Tuna

Xtina is on the breastfeeding diet – Hollywood Rag

Celebrity tattoos – Cityrag

White killer whale caught on film – SAYOR

“Fame” the reality show? It’s gonna live for seconds! – A Socialite’s Life

Brittany Murphy said she’s planning to have a baby with her bear daddy husband very soon. NO! Spare us. The two will celebrate the 1-year anniversary of their blessed and fugly union in April. The two told People they want a child by next year.

38-year-old Bear Daddy Husband said, “Please God, next year [we’re] having a family!” Please God, don’t!

They also talked about how the media and the internet have doubted their marriage, “All these ridiculous people came out and said all this nonsense when we got married, [but] thank god we had the substance and the history within that to [say], ‘Yeah, whatever!’”

“We did stop using the Internet lately. No blogs. We’re a blog-free couple!”

Good, so you won’t read what I have to say next. Don’t bring a bear baby into this world!

I shouldn’t type that. Brittany isn’t bad if she laid off the lip injections. It’s her husband that’s the problem. He’s already conned her into marrying him and now he’s going to con her into a baby. I hope Brit hooked herself up with an amazing pre-nup.

Thanks Mari

Janet Jackson is laid up in the hospital dying of the flu, so she can’t get on a plane to NYC and perform on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Lazy! Mimi will save the day. She will take Janet’s place this Saturday reports UsWeekly. Mimi hasn’t been on the show for 10 years.

Mimi is not sloppy seconds. Janet would have just jumped around in some latex nightmare and instead Mimi will bounce around in some lycra nightmare. See the difference? Mimi’s going through her 10-room closet as we speak looking for the perfect mini-tank dress and hoochie heels.

The only way they could make her appearance even better is if she played Mary Carey in a “Celebrity Rehab” skit. Get on it, SNL writers!

Here’s Mimi working the streets of NYC yesterday.

Our favorite poster couple for the CDC, Parasite Hilton and Benji Madden, attended Nicky Hilton’s fashion show in the tents yesterday. Unfortunately, it was not a fumigation tent. Someone really should have thought about that. They missed out on catching two of the most diseased skanks in Los Angeles and quarantining their nastiness.

Parasite and Benji also showed off their “bowel movement” and “pussy hole” rings. Sucio.

Spitzie just resigned as the HBIC of New York. Now he can use all his free time to cavort with all the hookers he wants. Well, unless he’s too busy taking it up the bum in prison. Anyway, PageSix.com has a picture of the woman involved in the Spitz prostitution case. The Feds got Spitz aka Client 9 on wiretap ordering Kristen to service his ass at his Washington hotel room. Kristen was also told that the client, “would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe...” Not safe? Playing Jenga? Jenga is seriously hard on the nerves and dangerous.

This leads me to Kristen’s hilarious profile. Who cares if the bitch was a swimsuit model or what restaurants she’s eaten snails in. Just tell me what the ho is into! Does she do anal, felch, slosh, wear plushie costumes? Yeah, probably all of the above.

Poor Kristen really needs to leave the twat selling game and join The Million Matchmaker.

P.S. – I’m really pissed that this Spitz shit is cutting into my stories!