The stripper took the fall for that dumb country bitch on American Idol last night. She definitely owes him a blow job. Oh wait, he might not want that. Ok, she definitely owes him a tube of hot oil and a boyzillian. Strippers like that sort of thing. Honestly, why the hell did that Kristy Lee Cocksucker stay? The bitch must be sucking thousands of cocks, because she is a travesty. I have a feeling this ho is going to haunt us for a while. She’s going to be the roach that just won’t go away. She’s going to win.

At least the stripper has a career to fall back on. Dick’s Cabaret in Glendale, Arizona here he cums! He’s going to sing “Papa was a rolling stone” while he shakes his stones.

And was I having a nightmare when I heard Ryan Gaycrest say it’s going to be Beatles week again next week? Please say I was just having a sugar hallucination from the whole box of Girls’ Scout cookies I swallowed. Not since Yoko Ono have the Beatles been raped this brutally. It’s not right! They should really do Yoko Ono night instead, because that bitch’s music is a hidden gem.

JR Rotem purportedly offers “proof” that he wheelbarrowed Britney Spears. – Lady Shark

Runners-up:

Fucking tailgaters. – Sweetas

Something tells me that despite no front wheel on his bike, this douche is always the first one to finish. – Lady Shark

Source

Thanks Alessandro

Jody “Babydol” Gibson – Hollywood’s former super madam! She’s working on another book due out this month about sex on the internet.

For Matthew

Charo (67)
Emile Hirsch (23)
Danny Masterson (32)
Cillian Murphy (34)
Common (36)
Annabeth Gish (37)
Adam Clayton (48)
Dana Delany (52)
Glenn Headley (53)
William H.Macy (58)
Neil Sedaka (69)

This is the cartoon video for Brit’s “Break the Ice.” It’s not good. It’s bad. It sucks. You get the idea? I would say that this would’ve been hot 10 years, but it wouldn’t have been. It still would’ve sucked.

Prize to anybody who actually finishes the whole video! The prize being you actually got through it. I guess that’s not much of a prize. Well, you’ll probably start crying when you realize you actually sat through that whole thing, so you win a salty treat. Tears can taste good.

Notice the “to be continued…” at the end? There’s more suckery to look forward to!

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Unfortunately, there’s no pictures to go with this amazing story, so I’m using a pussy on a pot. It makes sense if you think about. Police in Kansas were shocked to find a 35-year-old woman stuck to her boyfriend’s toilet. The woman wasn’t glued or tied to the seat. She had been there for 2 years and her skin had grown around the seat. She refused help, but after a little convincing she agreed. They had to pry the seat off and send it with her to the hospital. And I thought it was embarrassing showing up with a bottle up your ass. Imagine showing up with a toilet seat stuck to your butt? I hope it was a pretty color and nothing super tacky like a beach scene. Imagine! Extra embarrassing.

They found the woman kind of out of it and her legs looked like they were wasting away. They weren’t sure if she suffered from any sort of mental or physical disability. I can tell you. The bitch has mental problems. There, I saved you the doctor fees.

Police are considering pressing charges against her 36-year-old boyfriend. He told police that every day he would bring her food and ask if she wanted to come out of the bathroom. Her response would be, “Maybe tomorrow.” Of course she’s not going to say yes, because her fucking ass skin has become one with the seat. It’s not like she can just pourette off the seat!

The boyfriend finally called the police after 2 years and said “there was something wrong with his girlfriend.” YES! Her fucking ass cheeks were eaten by the toilet seat. Does he not understand this?! I would cry a million tears if I lost my ass cheeks.

The idiot wouldn’t explain why it took him so long to call. Maybe the telephone was in the toilet?

Police have not released their names. I don’t care about their names, I want pictures. The paparazzi need to change their focus. Instead of giving us 10 million pictures of Vanessa Hudgens, they need to get us this shit.

I’m never going to be able to look at my toilet seat again. I’m going to have to hold on to the walls and perform some Cirque du Soleil moves while I take a dump. There’s no way I’m letting my cheeks near that toilet seat.

Poor lady, her life was in the crapper. Literally!

Source

Thanks Jenna & Willski