Miley Cyrus’ older brother Trace Cyrus recently went on a tantrum in Instagram Stories after some of his IG followers apparently took issue with a pic he posted featuring his fiancée Taylor Lauren Sanders. And her breasts. Mostly her breasts. They should have really received equal billing there. Oh, and it looks like he’s strangling her in it? True love. Anyway, Instagram kicked the pic and Trace lost his shit in an Instagram story Continue reading
Billy Ray Cyrus celebrated his 57th birthday over the weekend and he did so with his wife Tish as well as his lesser famous children, Noah and Trace Cyrus. Noah did what all girls who just started dating a guy do, and brought her new boyfriend, rapper Lil Xan to the festivities. Lil Xan, huh?… this is the world we’re in people. This is where we evolved to. We all contributed to this fall in society. We are all to blame.
Just a helpful production note for anyone who is planning on recording a menacing video message for their enemies any time in the near future: it’s difficult to appear tough when it looks like you’re filming in front of the Home Depot garden center.
Trace Cyrus, the Cousin Eddie to Miley’s Clark Griswold (technically I think they’re both the Cousin Eddie, but just go with me on this one) recently crawled out of the shallow end of gene pool and reminded us that he’s still a thing by threatening to fight other bands. That’s right. If you’re in a band and you’ve been talking shit about Trace Cyrus’ band, he WILL kick your ass…but only if you agree to sign a lengthy waiver promising that you will not sue him.
A few years ago, we, as a people, braced ourselves for the arrival of a Cyrus centaur baby when the Internet farted up a rumor that one of Mickey Mouse’s former hos, Brenda Song, had rode Trace Cyrus bareback-style and got knocked up. A quick minute after that rumor came out, Brenda Song’s mother supposedly told Star Magazine that her daughter’s uterus wasn’t filled with a fetus. Pictures came out of Brenda Song looking a little pregnant-ey, so some figured that her mother was in denial about being bound to the crazy ass Cyrus family forever. We were all preparing ourselves for a world where Trace Cyrus is somebody’s father, but then Brenda was papped crying while coming home from the hospital and it was reported that she miscarried. Trace broke up with Brenda a few months later. Brenda hasn’t said anything about the pregnancy rumors until now.
Recently, Brenda dusted off the old ass rumor and decided to talk about it on Instagram. She posted a note where she said that she was never knocked up and she never had a miscarriage. Brenda apologized for not shutting down the lies earlier. I’m not sure why she’s doing it now? I guess her attention spot needed itching. But not only was it scratched, it was shanked by Trace. After Brenda’s note went up, Trace called her out and accused her of making up the lies. Hell hath no fury like a tattooed rabid emo pony scorned. via Just Jared
The note was deleted after Trace spit up those fightin’ words at her.
ESCANDALO! That is some Gone Girl meets first season of Glee meets General Hospital shit. Faking a pregnancy is one thing, but faking a pregnancy so that Trace Cyrus will stay with you? Trace must seriously be horse hung and his dick must have the power to make chicks go insane, because damn. The most surprising part of all of this is that they didn’t stay together. Brenda seems crazy and Trace seems crazy, so they’re pretty much a match in crazy bitch heaven.
The youngest possumling of the Cyrus family, Noah Cyrus (aka the pole dancing child that everyone called CPS over), dribbled out an emotional Instagram post the other day over the INJUSTICE that her and Miley Cyrus’ older brother Trace Cyrus got slapped with while trying to eat at a restaurant in Kentucky. The restaurant said “neigh” when Trace stomped on in. I guess that restaurant is firmly on Team Brenda Song. And I can hear your, “That restaurant just didn’t want to get complaints from customers after Trace chewed on their hair and coats while waiting for his food” jokes from here.
Noah probably noah’s a thing or two (I’m not proud of myself for that) about INJUSTICE, because I’m sure she’s been kicked out of clubs for being underage while trying to party with Miley. Noah is not going to stand by and let that tattoo-shaming restaurant deny her kin service just because his body is covered in more ink than a sixth grader’s paper bag book cover. Noah spit at those wrong tattoo haters on Instagram.
A restaurant in Kentucky wouldn’t let my brother in because he has tattoos. That is so messed up and it really pisses me off that it’s even legal to do such a thing. The way I see it is he is completely made of art and if they knew him on the inside then they would know thats the truth. I love my brother and it brings me to tears to know someone would do that to him or anyone for that matter. So sad. I love you tracey and you’ve got a team supporting you.
Noah didn’t name names, but Trace did. The tattooed emo pony raged at that restaurant on Instagram:
Fuck Brothers in Newport KY!!!! Been all around the world and never had anyone deny me getting into anywhere because of my tattoos. It actually upset me because I’m from Kentucky and to see an establishment like this really shocked me…
He also Instagrammed the restaurant’s telephone number and told all of his followers to tell the manager off.
The restaurant that kicked Trace out isn’t a fine dining establishment like the Olive Garden or some shit, so I don’t know why they got super snobby over someone’s appearance. Even then, the Olive Garden lets me eat there, so they’ll obviously serve anyone. Miley Cyrus should buy that Kentucky restaurant and let people with tattoos and pink pubes eat for free. But is there more to this story? Was Billy Ray Cyrus with them? Because if he was, maybe the restaurant didn’t deny the family service because of Trace’s tattoos. Maybe they denied them service, because they knew the health department would shut them down if they let that roadkill on Billy Ray’s head in.
Here’s Noah and Billy Ray at some event in L.A. last month.
Most performers get handed flowers, bras, panties and dildos while performing onstage, but poor Ciara got served with lawsuit documents while performing at L.A. Pride on Saturday night. Oh, C-Error finally gets on a stage and this is what happens.
TMZ says that Ciara was supposed to perform at The Factory in West Hollywood on Friday night, but she didn’t show up. Ciara’s people (yes, she has those) swear they canceled the gig a long time ago, because she had already promised to perform at L.A. Pride instead. The Factory kept promoting Ciara anyway and when she failed to appear at the club on Friday night, they filed a lawsuit against her ass. They knew where she was going to be on Saturday night and sent a process server to serve her while she was on stage. This is just two beautiful for words.
You have to give it to Ciara, because she grabbed the papers, skimmed through them, realized she was getting sued, threw the papers back and kept on performing. And judging by those stomach patting moves she was doing right before she was served, she was suffering from a severe case of gas. So she got served and kept performing while trying to hold in a fart. She is a true professional.
And can all celebrities get served this way from now on?